Alcohol - the first and last drug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 104
Alcohol - the first and last drug
Well Hi
Its day 2 of sobriety for me. I stopped taking drugs every weekend (pretty much anything that was going) about 6 months ago. To do that I had to leave the city I had lived in for 10 years because every one of my many friends indulged at some time or another and I couldnt manage to stay clean knowing there was so much I felt i was missing out on. Every weekend it was someones birthday, going-away, house warming or some amazing festival/club night/party was happening.... basically I always always found an excuse, even felt an obligation, to get high. If I felt one drug was being consumed too much, I would swap for something else for a while. I thought I had it all under control... of course! Until I realised that even 1 weekend without taking anything was a real challenge - and I wasn't counting alcohol as a drug at that stage!
When I went back for a visit 2 months ago I felt I had done well only to have two big nights out in the month I was there... not counting the times i "just" got drunk.
Now I am in a new city, with a new job and a clean slate - or so I thought. The first week I arrived here (1 month ago) someone offered me a line of coke - astounding myself (i felt as if i was watching myself in a movie) I didnt even hesitate before accepting it - and its not even a drug I particularly like! A week later I went out for dinner with a new friend and happily had a half a bottle of wine. Last week I had two glasses of wine with another friend on a weekday then went home and finished the 3/4 bottle I had there. Two nights ago I drank a bottle and a bit of wine when another new friend came over to watch a DVD. Just before I went to sleep I had the thought cross my mind how awesome it would be to go out and get on it, and what a shame it was I didn't know where to go. Even I can see the escalating pattern here....
My new boyfriend (to whom getting drunk is two glasses of wine with dinner once a month and taking drugs is something he did 10 years ago when he was young which almost killed him) is threatening to leave unless I get this under control.... but I realised I don't have control so I told him I would stop altogether. He didn't believe me - which I understand - I was hungover and remorseful. However that he didn't believe me really hurt because I knew he was right - unless I take this really seriously I wont stop drinking.... and will keep slipping back to my old patterns of drug taking.
So far I have done everything I can without seeking professional help but I realised that I need some support to be able to share this with people who might have been in a similar situation and are on a similar path.
Its great to have someplace to share these things. It feels good even just to write this down.
thanks
Its day 2 of sobriety for me. I stopped taking drugs every weekend (pretty much anything that was going) about 6 months ago. To do that I had to leave the city I had lived in for 10 years because every one of my many friends indulged at some time or another and I couldnt manage to stay clean knowing there was so much I felt i was missing out on. Every weekend it was someones birthday, going-away, house warming or some amazing festival/club night/party was happening.... basically I always always found an excuse, even felt an obligation, to get high. If I felt one drug was being consumed too much, I would swap for something else for a while. I thought I had it all under control... of course! Until I realised that even 1 weekend without taking anything was a real challenge - and I wasn't counting alcohol as a drug at that stage!
When I went back for a visit 2 months ago I felt I had done well only to have two big nights out in the month I was there... not counting the times i "just" got drunk.
Now I am in a new city, with a new job and a clean slate - or so I thought. The first week I arrived here (1 month ago) someone offered me a line of coke - astounding myself (i felt as if i was watching myself in a movie) I didnt even hesitate before accepting it - and its not even a drug I particularly like! A week later I went out for dinner with a new friend and happily had a half a bottle of wine. Last week I had two glasses of wine with another friend on a weekday then went home and finished the 3/4 bottle I had there. Two nights ago I drank a bottle and a bit of wine when another new friend came over to watch a DVD. Just before I went to sleep I had the thought cross my mind how awesome it would be to go out and get on it, and what a shame it was I didn't know where to go. Even I can see the escalating pattern here....
My new boyfriend (to whom getting drunk is two glasses of wine with dinner once a month and taking drugs is something he did 10 years ago when he was young which almost killed him) is threatening to leave unless I get this under control.... but I realised I don't have control so I told him I would stop altogether. He didn't believe me - which I understand - I was hungover and remorseful. However that he didn't believe me really hurt because I knew he was right - unless I take this really seriously I wont stop drinking.... and will keep slipping back to my old patterns of drug taking.
So far I have done everything I can without seeking professional help but I realised that I need some support to be able to share this with people who might have been in a similar situation and are on a similar path.
Its great to have someplace to share these things. It feels good even just to write this down.
thanks
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
we are here for you
well- i am no better than you my friend, so lets start there. looking for help myself. there are people here that are genius level at addressing these kinds of things. keep posting and giving your status. there is a solution believe me, i have found it before but it flew away.....temporarily..
dub
dub
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome to SR. 
I was in the same boat as you are in about 4 months ag.
I was drinking too much, somewhat out of control, and my wife threatened to leave me for the final time.
I knew she was serious and I promised I qould quit.
She didn't believe I could do it but woth the help of some people at this forum I am doing it.
You can do it to if you decide that that is what you relly want.
Good luck.
I was in the same boat as you are in about 4 months ag.
I was drinking too much, somewhat out of control, and my wife threatened to leave me for the final time.
I knew she was serious and I promised I qould quit.
She didn't believe I could do it but woth the help of some people at this forum I am doing it.
You can do it to if you decide that that is what you relly want.
Good luck.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
You made a wise choice in deciding to quit drinking. Alcoholism is progressive and will only get worse. I'm glad you joined our family. We support each other, and in so doing, support ourselves as well. Have you considered talking to your doctor about quitting drinking? Detox can be dangerous, besides annoying, and medical supervision is a good idea. Have you given any thought to AA? Lots of support there, and there are other recovery programs out there too. I wish you the best in getting and staying sober. It takes time and effort but is very much worth it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Dunmore, USA
Posts: 15
i often felt/feel like im on the edge of the envelope. ... out of control and perhaps winging it all the time. I find that im not dealing with anxiety, im getting loaded. Perhaps normal people have advanced mechanisms for dealing with their anxiety that boozers like me either dont use of have let atrophy... dunno. I know i need help to keep sober, give yourself a break for a while!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 104
Thanks everyone.
I haven't seen a doctor. I am fine with the immediate detox stage, as in physically for the first little while. Is that what you were referring to? I was almost sober (as in managing because of my boyfriend to have a glass of wine here or there and then stopping) for the last 3 months. Now my boyfriend is overseas what really worries me is my steady (and quick) slip back to drinking more more more... and that it leads (me) to partying and drugs.... and despite knowing the hell that path leads to I crave to go down it.
A big issue for me is that I cant imagine life without drugs and alcohol as a 'fun' way to bond with people and to celebrate. After so many years of weekly drug taking and alcohol drinking being normalised by my surroundings I need to know that its possible to do all that without getting high in some way.
I have such a strong voice in my head saying...."oh just go out, enjoy yourself, its fine, its just one night, life is to be enjoyed blah blah" the problem is its never just one night.... or its one night every week.... and one night every week of being wasted leads to months (and years) at a time going by with nothing achieved.
I am interested in going to NA meetings. Maybe i should check that out.
Originally Posted by least 
You made a wise choice in deciding to quit drinking. Alcoholism is progressive and will only get worse. I'm glad you joined our family. We support each other, and in so doing, support ourselves as well. Have you considered talking to your doctor about quitting drinking? Detox can be dangerous, besides annoying, and medical supervision is a good idea. Have you given any thought to AA? Lots of support there, and there are other recovery programs out there too. I wish you the best in getting and staying sober. It takes time and effort but is very much worth it.
I haven't seen a doctor. I am fine with the immediate detox stage, as in physically for the first little while. Is that what you were referring to? I was almost sober (as in managing because of my boyfriend to have a glass of wine here or there and then stopping) for the last 3 months. Now my boyfriend is overseas what really worries me is my steady (and quick) slip back to drinking more more more... and that it leads (me) to partying and drugs.... and despite knowing the hell that path leads to I crave to go down it.
A big issue for me is that I cant imagine life without drugs and alcohol as a 'fun' way to bond with people and to celebrate. After so many years of weekly drug taking and alcohol drinking being normalised by my surroundings I need to know that its possible to do all that without getting high in some way.
I have such a strong voice in my head saying...."oh just go out, enjoy yourself, its fine, its just one night, life is to be enjoyed blah blah" the problem is its never just one night.... or its one night every week.... and one night every week of being wasted leads to months (and years) at a time going by with nothing achieved.
I am interested in going to NA meetings. Maybe i should check that out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ottawa,Ontario
Posts: 55
Welcome
You have to quit for yourself,not anyone else.You have to know that you are Special and are worth more then you know.The abuse you are doing to your body is a disease.It is not you But only you can control it.You wouldn't feed sugar to a diabetic and you can not feed booze or drugs to an addict.There is light at the end of the tunnel it just can take to long sometimes But I know it can be done.Everytime you don't use it gets easier.Glad to have you here with us.It took me almost 16 years of complete insanity until I discovered I can not do it anymore and I know you can too.
You have to quit for yourself,not anyone else.You have to know that you are Special and are worth more then you know.The abuse you are doing to your body is a disease.It is not you But only you can control it.You wouldn't feed sugar to a diabetic and you can not feed booze or drugs to an addict.There is light at the end of the tunnel it just can take to long sometimes But I know it can be done.Everytime you don't use it gets easier.Glad to have you here with us.It took me almost 16 years of complete insanity until I discovered I can not do it anymore and I know you can too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: edmonton, alberta
Posts: 88
Welcome! You will find tons of support here!
I'm new too - 10 days sober - and am also dealing with that never-ending tape in my head. This happens all the time after a bit of time has passed since my last drunk and the humiliation and shame start to dim. I have been told that that is the "insanity" talking. Normal people who drink do not wake up in the morning worrying about how they can possibly have fun in social situations without a drink in hand. They don't obsess about booze, drugs, etc. I think that is how I differentiate between being an alcoholic or being a "normal" person who occaisionally partakes. I am personally getting tired of trying to "control" my drinking to appear "normal" (if that makes sense).
Keep coming back!
I'm new too - 10 days sober - and am also dealing with that never-ending tape in my head. This happens all the time after a bit of time has passed since my last drunk and the humiliation and shame start to dim. I have been told that that is the "insanity" talking. Normal people who drink do not wake up in the morning worrying about how they can possibly have fun in social situations without a drink in hand. They don't obsess about booze, drugs, etc. I think that is how I differentiate between being an alcoholic or being a "normal" person who occaisionally partakes. I am personally getting tired of trying to "control" my drinking to appear "normal" (if that makes sense).
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Electric!
I couldn't imagine life without alcohol in it either. But then the day came when I couldn't imagine life with it either.
Alcoholism is progressive and the sad fact is that most of us don't stop until we are really badly mangled and the pain is too much.
I had to make a decision that I wanted to stop. Wanting to stop has to be honest. I found it hard to be honest when I was first in recovery. I sort of wanted to learn how to drink like my b/f - two glasses with dinner sometimes...
Thing is - I couldn't make the decision about stopping until I found out what was wrong. I found a book called "Under the Influence" very helpful. There used to be excerpts on this site.
Good to have you here...
I couldn't imagine life without alcohol in it either. But then the day came when I couldn't imagine life with it either.
Alcoholism is progressive and the sad fact is that most of us don't stop until we are really badly mangled and the pain is too much.
I had to make a decision that I wanted to stop. Wanting to stop has to be honest. I found it hard to be honest when I was first in recovery. I sort of wanted to learn how to drink like my b/f - two glasses with dinner sometimes...
Thing is - I couldn't make the decision about stopping until I found out what was wrong. I found a book called "Under the Influence" very helpful. There used to be excerpts on this site.
Good to have you here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by acer67
Welcome! You will find tons of support here!
I'm new too - 10 days sober - and am also dealing with that never-ending tape in my head. This happens all the time after a bit of time has passed since my last drunk and the humiliation and shame start to dim. I have been told that that is the "insanity" talking. Normal people who drink do not wake up in the morning worrying about how they can possibly have fun in social situations without a drink in hand. They don't obsess about booze, drugs, etc. I think that is how I differentiate between being an alcoholic or being a "normal" person who occaisionally partakes. I am personally getting tired of trying to "control" my drinking to appear "normal" (if that makes sense).
Keep coming back!
I'm new too - 10 days sober - and am also dealing with that never-ending tape in my head. This happens all the time after a bit of time has passed since my last drunk and the humiliation and shame start to dim. I have been told that that is the "insanity" talking. Normal people who drink do not wake up in the morning worrying about how they can possibly have fun in social situations without a drink in hand. They don't obsess about booze, drugs, etc. I think that is how I differentiate between being an alcoholic or being a "normal" person who occaisionally partakes. I am personally getting tired of trying to "control" my drinking to appear "normal" (if that makes sense).
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: edmonton, alberta
Posts: 88
Hi there!
You hit the nail on the head there Electric! "Normal" drinkers do not have to watch how they drink - they don't gulp down a highball like I do AND then sit there tapping their feet as to when the waitress will deliver the next one! It is getting exhausting trying to control this because I don't need much of an excuse to let loose. It would only take one other person on board to go on a huge tear! That's why I really think I need to surround myself with positive people with interests other than drinking right now. That's where AA is coming in handy for me. These are people just like me (not your classic stereotypical addict) and I can totally relate to their stories. I am not finding it to be "wierd" or "cult like" Right now, I think it is primarly me who has the problem with it all as I am still finding it hard to admit I am powerless to alcohol.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other Electric!
You hit the nail on the head there Electric! "Normal" drinkers do not have to watch how they drink - they don't gulp down a highball like I do AND then sit there tapping their feet as to when the waitress will deliver the next one! It is getting exhausting trying to control this because I don't need much of an excuse to let loose. It would only take one other person on board to go on a huge tear! That's why I really think I need to surround myself with positive people with interests other than drinking right now. That's where AA is coming in handy for me. These are people just like me (not your classic stereotypical addict) and I can totally relate to their stories. I am not finding it to be "wierd" or "cult like" Right now, I think it is primarly me who has the problem with it all as I am still finding it hard to admit I am powerless to alcohol.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other Electric!
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