I am so screwed up right now mentally
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
I am so screwed up right now mentally
hey
i have posted here a bit. and long story short my office was eliminated, and i am looking for a job. the curve ball is they are paying me still for a few months (ie 4)- which ironically has sent my addiction to a new level. all i do is sit around, and started drinking again pretty heavily. I am OCD and have to stay busy- otherwise...- the last couple of weeks i wake up at 3am and sit in my office and have a beer while 'figuring next steps', i wake up at 9am and go get beer then i proceed to get wasted. the funny thing is- is i never get wasted or buzzed- it is just a routine. anyway, i just needed someone to say this to.
best to all and thanks to all of you all- you have inspired me before.
dub
i have posted here a bit. and long story short my office was eliminated, and i am looking for a job. the curve ball is they are paying me still for a few months (ie 4)- which ironically has sent my addiction to a new level. all i do is sit around, and started drinking again pretty heavily. I am OCD and have to stay busy- otherwise...- the last couple of weeks i wake up at 3am and sit in my office and have a beer while 'figuring next steps', i wake up at 9am and go get beer then i proceed to get wasted. the funny thing is- is i never get wasted or buzzed- it is just a routine. anyway, i just needed someone to say this to.
best to all and thanks to all of you all- you have inspired me before.
dub
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
ok... days off were always good reasons to get some beer and other things and hang out and consider my life... never got falling down drunk or black out... just lots of wasted days.
weather is getting good... tune up that fancy road bike and get on and ride... may not make you abstain from alcohol, but you'll feel better... and the saddle/exercise/endorphins is a much better place to figure the next steps than a chair at 3 am drinking....
Glad you are posting...
Got in a nice ride at lunch today, looking forward to the weekend, supposed to get in the 80's... yea!!
Mark
weather is getting good... tune up that fancy road bike and get on and ride... may not make you abstain from alcohol, but you'll feel better... and the saddle/exercise/endorphins is a much better place to figure the next steps than a chair at 3 am drinking....
Glad you are posting...
Got in a nice ride at lunch today, looking forward to the weekend, supposed to get in the 80's... yea!!
Mark
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Dedubya,
I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment.
Your routine is doing you harm, so you can stop that routine and change it to something positive. Try to set some goals for yourself each day. Go outside and get some exercise. Work on your resume and spend some time doing job searches. I think you will begin to feel better about yourself if you begin taking steps to move forward.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment.
Your routine is doing you harm, so you can stop that routine and change it to something positive. Try to set some goals for yourself each day. Go outside and get some exercise. Work on your resume and spend some time doing job searches. I think you will begin to feel better about yourself if you begin taking steps to move forward.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
Originally Posted by Cubile75 
ok... days off were always good reasons to get some beer and other things and hang out and consider my life... never got falling down drunk or black out... just lots of wasted days.
weather is getting good... tune up that fancy road bike and get on and ride... may not make you abstain from alcohol, but you'll feel better... and the saddle/exercise/endorphins is a much better place to figure the next steps than a chair at 3 am drinking....
Glad you are posting...
Got in a nice ride at lunch today, looking forward to the weekend, supposed to get in the 80's... yea!!
Mark
weather is getting good... tune up that fancy road bike and get on and ride... may not make you abstain from alcohol, but you'll feel better... and the saddle/exercise/endorphins is a much better place to figure the next steps than a chair at 3 am drinking....
Glad you are posting...
Got in a nice ride at lunch today, looking forward to the weekend, supposed to get in the 80's... yea!!
Mark
i actually rode a 21 and 33 miler in the last week. that definitely helps a lot. Just 'down in a hole', more like a crater- as Layne Staley would put it.
thanks Man.
Dub
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
Originally Posted by 51anna
Hi Dedubya,
I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment.
Your routine is doing you harm, so you can stop that routine and change it to something positive. Try to set some goals for yourself each day. Go outside and get some exercise. Work on your resume and spend some time doing job searches. I think you will begin to feel better about yourself if you begin taking steps to move forward.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment.
Your routine is doing you harm, so you can stop that routine and change it to something positive. Try to set some goals for yourself each day. Go outside and get some exercise. Work on your resume and spend some time doing job searches. I think you will begin to feel better about yourself if you begin taking steps to move forward.
my routine is so screwed up. good points, i just need to take action to change it. if i had half a brain i would use this time to get into the shape i was in a couple of years ago...maybe i should find the other half of my brain....
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((((dubs))))))
You've been on my mind! I'm sorry you're struggling. As has been said, change your routine. Clean the house, make household repairs, set a schedule! I am at a loss with a routine.
Work on the car, the bike or whatever. Take walks. Get out of the house!
Please know I'm thinking of you!
Much love,
Lenina
You've been on my mind! I'm sorry you're struggling. As has been said, change your routine. Clean the house, make household repairs, set a schedule! I am at a loss with a routine.
Work on the car, the bike or whatever. Take walks. Get out of the house!
Please know I'm thinking of you!
Much love,
Lenina
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 104
Seems like you know what you need to do! Good luck with it. I'm sure the other half of your brain, as you put it, isnt far away! 
Put some of that energy to good use :-)
wooo i could be talking to myself.
Put some of that energy to good use :-)wooo i could be talking to myself.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Whenever I found myself out of a job I made finding a new job my full time job.
As Anna said work on your resume, tap into your contacts, and spend this time in a positive way to get a new start.
You don't want to wake up 4 months from now hung over and unemployed and start looking then.
Use the time wisely.
I am wishing the best for you an am sure you will do well.
Good luck.
As Anna said work on your resume, tap into your contacts, and spend this time in a positive way to get a new start.
You don't want to wake up 4 months from now hung over and unemployed and start looking then.
Use the time wisely.
I am wishing the best for you an am sure you will do well.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Currently Mexico City
Posts: 20
I know exactly what you mean, Dub, it could be a description of myself. I am still trying to keep balanced, I quit drinking a couple of times, but I am also relapsing. Then, I usually I wake up at 3am and get a drink first thing. I'd just pray that I'll sleep more than 4 hours, so I won't drink so much.
The thing I'd like to say is this: I used to enjoy doing things, going into nature, play music or cook. I lost all that. When I am drinking I am not interested in anything but drinking. But I still remember how much I enjoyed it. I want to find that again. When I have my bright sober moments, I can enjoy what I used to enjoy. It is a fight to get your life back and the road is not easy. Finding a substitute for alcoholic intoxication is one of the greatest challenges in quitting IMO. A hard environment of course make it worse, but it does not mean the journey is not worthwhile making.
The thing I'd like to say is this: I used to enjoy doing things, going into nature, play music or cook. I lost all that. When I am drinking I am not interested in anything but drinking. But I still remember how much I enjoyed it. I want to find that again. When I have my bright sober moments, I can enjoy what I used to enjoy. It is a fight to get your life back and the road is not easy. Finding a substitute for alcoholic intoxication is one of the greatest challenges in quitting IMO. A hard environment of course make it worse, but it does not mean the journey is not worthwhile making.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Oh yeah, I think most of us know about the struggle. I was trying to figure it out since I was 24! Tried different things, geographics, church, therapy, had my aura fluffed ( it's an L.A. thing), just to show you how desperate I was! I swear, I once promised my soul to Satan if he would just let me stay sober! He apparently declined, LOL!
Today I am mostly happy. I am at peace. For me, it was learning about the disease and learning strategies and most importantly a profound philosophical shift.
AA helped me a lot. Rational Recovery helped more. Be open to learning about the disease.
We are here for you. Life can be very good. Of course, there's bumps in the road but they won't kill you while sober!
Please keep posting!
Much love,
Lenina
Today I am mostly happy. I am at peace. For me, it was learning about the disease and learning strategies and most importantly a profound philosophical shift.
AA helped me a lot. Rational Recovery helped more. Be open to learning about the disease.
We are here for you. Life can be very good. Of course, there's bumps in the road but they won't kill you while sober!
Please keep posting!
Much love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: England
Posts: 9
i can identify with all you say , im in that boat ,feeling the same way 3am yep thats a bad place . I find it helps to have a project on the go if it interest you then the cravings subside.
anyway this is my first post so i hope im doing it right good luck
anyway this is my first post so i hope im doing it right good luck
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
Originally Posted by larssonc
I know exactly what you mean, Dub, it could be a description of myself. I am still trying to keep balanced, I quit drinking a couple of times, but I am also relapsing. Then, I usually I wake up at 3am and get a drink first thing. I'd just pray that I'll sleep more than 4 hours, so I won't drink so much.
The thing I'd like to say is this: I used to enjoy doing things, going into nature, play music or cook. I lost all that. When I am drinking I am not interested in anything but drinking. But I still remember how much I enjoyed it. I want to find that again. When I have my bright sober moments, I can enjoy what I used to enjoy. It is a fight to get your life back and the road is not easy. Finding a substitute for alcoholic intoxication is one of the greatest challenges in quitting IMO. A hard environment of course make it worse, but it does not mean the journey is not worthwhile making.
The thing I'd like to say is this: I used to enjoy doing things, going into nature, play music or cook. I lost all that. When I am drinking I am not interested in anything but drinking. But I still remember how much I enjoyed it. I want to find that again. When I have my bright sober moments, I can enjoy what I used to enjoy. It is a fight to get your life back and the road is not easy. Finding a substitute for alcoholic intoxication is one of the greatest challenges in quitting IMO. A hard environment of course make it worse, but it does not mean the journey is not worthwhile making.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
later folks and thanks
well- its not exactly 3am but here I am again...is that a song. hope you all are doing well and i am signing off for now. My plan for tomorrow- bike ride, clean car, and break the routine of drinking. wow- good freeking luck on one of those.
best to all
dub
best to all
dub
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 104
So how did you go? I hope you got to doing the things you actually wanted too despite you fatalistic "good luck with one of those" negative self talk. Keep us posted! And maybe come join me in the 'sober for two weeks and under' thread.....
I hope that right now you are cruising around on your bike somewhere.
I hope that right now you are cruising around on your bike somewhere.
Last edited by electrickery; 04-23-2009 at 05:00 AM. Reason: spelling
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