Working on my own issues
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ottawa,Ontario
Posts: 55
Working on my own issues
According to my husband I have many many issues to work on.According to me he has too,the biggest one being he is using and I am not.He slept on the couch for 12 years because he didn't want me to know he was using and knew I could smell the pot on him.Once in a while he would come to bed maybe 4 times in twelve years.He told me today he feels like a ping pong ball and I am the bat,as I still love him but I can not and will not allow his mistress back here.I am cutting my ties with him and allowing my Higher Power to take over today.I pray my higher power doesn't take me back to him and his manipulative ways.He has convinced himself that the reason why his four daughters do not talk to him is because of who he is,so it isn't the drugs.Maybe it is him because since he has been smoking for the last 12 years he has changed into someone I sometimes recognize,but usually do not.My elder two children who live with me and are a part of our small company have informed me if I take him back they are moving out.I see them as a blessing from God and my Higher Power.I want to believe but he keeps on coming up with more arguments.May you be Blessed and Thanks for listening to this crazy person.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by katie89 
My elder two children who live with me and are a part of our small company have informed me if I take him back they are moving out.I see them as a blessing from God and my Higher Power.I want to believe but he keeps on coming up with more arguments.
There is no rational conversation with an active addict, dear.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
I can see you are struggling and doing some very hard work. I would like to suggest one thing. Prayer and looking for strength from your HP can be a powerful aid. Do not think I'm saying you shouldn't do that.
However ...
Recognizing your own ability to see the rational consequences of not acting in ways that protect and support you comes from inside you. Perhaps your HP can aid you here. But you are the only one who can actually take the action needed to be taken. God is not going to come down from heaven and change your locks. Nor is he going to pick up the accumulated debris from your husband's years of living there, and put it on the doorstep for you.
For me, my HP helps me clarify things. I pray, I listen, I respond. And I say thank you. I suspect that is what you mean in your post. But you sound a little as if you are asking for God to come and take over and do the hard work you need to do. he can help you. But you must do it.
So, my advice to you - in the strongest way I can say it - is to look very closely at why you have been so passive in your relationship for so long and how you can find the security, clarity, and forcefulness to make some major positive changes. These changes with revolutionize your life. They will bring new vitality and abundance. I believe that sincerely.
Stop worrying about what your husband thinks he need to do. Stop worrying about what you think your husband needs to do. The time is way past over. Do what you KNOW you need to do. And leave it at that.
Good luck!!
However ...
Recognizing your own ability to see the rational consequences of not acting in ways that protect and support you comes from inside you. Perhaps your HP can aid you here. But you are the only one who can actually take the action needed to be taken. God is not going to come down from heaven and change your locks. Nor is he going to pick up the accumulated debris from your husband's years of living there, and put it on the doorstep for you.
For me, my HP helps me clarify things. I pray, I listen, I respond. And I say thank you. I suspect that is what you mean in your post. But you sound a little as if you are asking for God to come and take over and do the hard work you need to do. he can help you. But you must do it.
So, my advice to you - in the strongest way I can say it - is to look very closely at why you have been so passive in your relationship for so long and how you can find the security, clarity, and forcefulness to make some major positive changes. These changes with revolutionize your life. They will bring new vitality and abundance. I believe that sincerely.
Stop worrying about what your husband thinks he need to do. Stop worrying about what you think your husband needs to do. The time is way past over. Do what you KNOW you need to do. And leave it at that.
Good luck!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I hope you can come to do what is right for you and your kids, and if means cutting ties to him and his addiction, then I hope you have the strength to do that. I wish you the best.:ghug2
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