Good Grief
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Good Grief
Here I am, sitting and reading about serious stuff pertaining to recovery from a lifetime of alcoholism. I have a nice cup of coffee, and am learning a lot from what I am reading, then a fly happens to land on the rim of my coffee cup. I casually swatted at it, only to knock over my coffee, splilling it all over my desk, on a pile of important papers, then it runs off the desk onto the carpet. Geez, what a mess. I'm still sitting here, so I guess I need to get up and clean up this mess. Thank goodness I have a carpet cleaner, lol. 
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
The things that can go wrong, I tell ya. I narrowly just missed the computer about 1/2 hour ago. I was playing with the dog, throwing his toy squirrel for him to chase, when it lands on my cup of Sprite, knocking it all over the floor. Puppy thought he did it and stuck his tail between his legs until I said 'Help Aunty clean up the mess!" and he licks the Sprite off the floor while I mop up the chair it landed in. What a helpful little guy and I was glad it missed the computer. LOL.
It always seems like one step forward, two back. The other day, a lady, on the phone in front of me at the store, lost a bunch of her change. It was about 15-20 bucks. A handful of 5's. She didn't notice, because she's on the darned phone, and my first thought is OOOO free crack... But it was quickly squashed by the honest me and I tapped her on the shoulder. She gives me a dirty look, which brings me back to the OOOO free crack thought, but I fought it and pointed to the floor. She thanked me. Whew..
And then, yesterday, I figured I'd reward myself for having hundreds of dollars in my pocket and not running out and copping. Didn't even entertain the idea. So I picked up a hot wheels (I love cars!), and on my way to the check out, I find a dollar! Which paid for my hot wheels!
Now THAT is karma at work. I was tickled.. However, I really think my trying to hide the fact that I planned to pay off the dealer today, was reflected in my heater core blowing up. Maybe the spilled pop too... But definitely the heater core thing as it happened just minutes after I dropped off the money I owed him.
Anyway, I am still on the "me" thing.. Sorry about that. Just a little too proud I think. My sponsor was positive I would relapse since I hadn't gone to many meetings (1 online and 1 in person) in the past 9 days, because of the hectic schedule of my bird fair and second job. I am glad she was like that, though, because it put me in "Oh yeah? I'll show her" mode.. Someone suggested I find a new sponsor, but I really like that she timed it perfectly and it became a challenge to me to prove her wrong.
Sorry to hear about your papers. That is a bummer.
I think cold medicine makes me ramble. LOL......
It always seems like one step forward, two back. The other day, a lady, on the phone in front of me at the store, lost a bunch of her change. It was about 15-20 bucks. A handful of 5's. She didn't notice, because she's on the darned phone, and my first thought is OOOO free crack... But it was quickly squashed by the honest me and I tapped her on the shoulder. She gives me a dirty look, which brings me back to the OOOO free crack thought, but I fought it and pointed to the floor. She thanked me. Whew..
And then, yesterday, I figured I'd reward myself for having hundreds of dollars in my pocket and not running out and copping. Didn't even entertain the idea. So I picked up a hot wheels (I love cars!), and on my way to the check out, I find a dollar! Which paid for my hot wheels!
Now THAT is karma at work. I was tickled.. However, I really think my trying to hide the fact that I planned to pay off the dealer today, was reflected in my heater core blowing up. Maybe the spilled pop too... But definitely the heater core thing as it happened just minutes after I dropped off the money I owed him.
Anyway, I am still on the "me" thing.. Sorry about that. Just a little too proud I think. My sponsor was positive I would relapse since I hadn't gone to many meetings (1 online and 1 in person) in the past 9 days, because of the hectic schedule of my bird fair and second job. I am glad she was like that, though, because it put me in "Oh yeah? I'll show her" mode.. Someone suggested I find a new sponsor, but I really like that she timed it perfectly and it became a challenge to me to prove her wrong.
Sorry to hear about your papers. That is a bummer.
I think cold medicine makes me ramble. LOL......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey Quack,
Sometimes it's good to ramble. One of the problems I have now that I don't spend my evenings at the bars is that I have no one to talk to. Ramble on!! I tried AA a few years ago, but the experience was very strange, so I don't go there. It leaves me with no one to talk about recovery with. i may post about it on the AA forum, just to see if going back is worth a try.
Glad you missed your computer and had some help in with the clean up. My two dogs just looked at me, guess they don't like coffee, lol. Paying off your dealer is one thing that you don't have to worry about anymore, that's a good feeling. Now you can keep on truckin' down the road of recovery and find healthier ways to spend your free time. Way to go.
Sometimes it's good to ramble. One of the problems I have now that I don't spend my evenings at the bars is that I have no one to talk to. Ramble on!! I tried AA a few years ago, but the experience was very strange, so I don't go there. It leaves me with no one to talk about recovery with. i may post about it on the AA forum, just to see if going back is worth a try.
Glad you missed your computer and had some help in with the clean up. My two dogs just looked at me, guess they don't like coffee, lol. Paying off your dealer is one thing that you don't have to worry about anymore, that's a good feeling. Now you can keep on truckin' down the road of recovery and find healthier ways to spend your free time. Way to go.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Firestorm were you still drinking when you went to AA before? The first time I went to AA I was drunk, I did not get a darn thing out of it. To be honest I was not to thrilled with the whole AA deal even after I got out of detox, but the people were nice, they were supportive, and I had no where else to go, so I kept going back and now I love it.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Ahhh, I just about peed myself laughing at the "poor fly" comment....
Dogs don't like the coffee eh? What they are missing out on! Dang! Nothing like that shot of caffeine to rev up all four paws. BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I do like to ramble sometimes, and yeah, it's been hard finding people to talk to about recovery. You KNOW if you hung out with your using friends, they won't want to hear about how you are staying clean. They want you to get high too, get stuff for them to get high, and just, well, be high.. And the non-using friends don't want to hear it either. Not as much as we feel we need to talk about it anyway. I know my best guy friend starts to sigh and get agitated when I start rambling about doing drugs, staying clean, or just in awe of the little things he takes advantage of every day, that I used to miss because I was too busy getting high.
Like today. I was just in awe of how good I feel. How nice it is to be clean. Not everything is working the way it should, but I am alive and, despite my cold, I feel so good. Almost like a regular person again. And though, sometimes, my addiction will scream in my head, I have many places to vent and turn it into a whisper. I am almost OK! And I wondered, out loud, if I'd ever take advantage of it or forget about how good it feels to be clean. Ya know? I may not be explaining it right, but the feeling is good and I don't want to lose that. Ever. I want to remember how bad it was on drugs, because, to me, NOTHING is worse than active addiction. I want to be able to handle anything, clean and serene. The NA way.. I miss my meetings. I got to get to one this week! FOR SURE!
Dogs don't like the coffee eh? What they are missing out on! Dang! Nothing like that shot of caffeine to rev up all four paws. BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I do like to ramble sometimes, and yeah, it's been hard finding people to talk to about recovery. You KNOW if you hung out with your using friends, they won't want to hear about how you are staying clean. They want you to get high too, get stuff for them to get high, and just, well, be high.. And the non-using friends don't want to hear it either. Not as much as we feel we need to talk about it anyway. I know my best guy friend starts to sigh and get agitated when I start rambling about doing drugs, staying clean, or just in awe of the little things he takes advantage of every day, that I used to miss because I was too busy getting high.
Like today. I was just in awe of how good I feel. How nice it is to be clean. Not everything is working the way it should, but I am alive and, despite my cold, I feel so good. Almost like a regular person again. And though, sometimes, my addiction will scream in my head, I have many places to vent and turn it into a whisper. I am almost OK! And I wondered, out loud, if I'd ever take advantage of it or forget about how good it feels to be clean. Ya know? I may not be explaining it right, but the feeling is good and I don't want to lose that. Ever. I want to remember how bad it was on drugs, because, to me, NOTHING is worse than active addiction. I want to be able to handle anything, clean and serene. The NA way.. I miss my meetings. I got to get to one this week! FOR SURE!
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