firestorm090

Good Morning SR friends,

I tried to thank everyone, but my "Thanks" button is stuck, so I'll reply to each of you a little later today. I am just having my first cup of coffee, and don't want to spill it, so I'll wait till I'm awake to reply. Just want to say it's a new day out and beautiful , full of sunshine and smog, lol ( I live in southern California ). I think my system would go totally out of whack if I didn't get up each day and suck in a huge lungful of smog, lol. Makes me feel like a vacuum cleaner, yuck, lol.

I always seem to get in these funky moods at night, that was my drinking time before. I'm glad I'm not hung over today. That alone is a gift. I know this will take time to sort out, but that's okay most of the time.

Thanks for all the replies, it's good to know all of you have been where I am or similar and that it does get better.

jamdls

Firestorm, I too, grew up walking on eggshells around an alcoholic father who was verbally and sexually abusive and it taught me to hide, I stuffed all my feelings inside and started running. I ran from everything and the bottle was my only friend. I woke up when I was 50 and was forced to give up the bottle or die and then had to go about facing all that I had been running from and all the mistakes I'd mad. I was literally alone as I had alienated family and friends including my own daughter and none of them had any confidence in me that I could live sober. Through therapy I've learned to accept the past, forgive (my 86 yr old father and I now have a great relationship as he has been sober for 25 yrs), and more importantly I've learned to move on. I now love life, I still live alone and do not feel ready for any type of romantic relationship but I've made some new friends and every day I wake up I'm just happy to be alive and not hungover. And yes, the thing I am most proud of is that I am SOBER. I can't change the past and I cannot predict the future but for right now I'm alive and at peace. Therapy can do a lot of good and I agree with others that helping others whether in AA or in any type of setting is a big part of making things right.

Judy

HideorSeek

Hi Firestorm! Sorry I'm late to the party here...Kudos to you for letting this poison spill out of you rather than "bottling it up" (intentional choice of words here). You've obviously touched on a lot of your own hot spots and, even if you don't know the answers yet, are at least asking the questions. As humans, I think we all have to find our sense of purpose. You will find yours. It doesn't matter how old you are. Pay attention to the little voice inside of you and let it guide you in your own personal quest. It doesn't always "speak" and it isn't always clear cut, but it never lies and I know it will guide me in the right direction.

flutter

I understand. When I first did the getting sober thing I really suffered from a case of the "now what"s... Ok, I'm sober.. now what? Ok, life sucks sometimes, now what do I do? I don't have an answer for it.. I know I wont die an alcoholic death, and I know that alcohol will not ruin relationships in my life, or destroy my source of income. As long as I've taken at least one thing out of my life that I KNOW for a FACT would cause me devastation, I feel a bit better. I do have to say, now over 4 months down the road of my "now what" questions, I'm living it.. a better life than I thought I could have.. and I'm really excited for my next "now what!?" cuz I think of it now with excitement and opportunity instead of hoplessness, or frustration.

firestorm090

Bummer, I typed up a few replies to those of you who posted, trying to thank you all for your help, but then, oops, it's gone. Makes me wonder what's wrong with the whole world? I've never been accused of overreacting or exaggerating, lol, yea right.

Thanks for all your help today. Today was one of those days where nothing seems to make sense. I feel like a robot, just having my coffee, going on with my day, and wondering what, if anything I am contributing that makes any difference. Guess my mind is in a funk, but at least I'm not drunk...Where did that come from?

Talk about lazy, even with spellchecker, I'm still to lazy to check my spelling, geez.

Mark75

Hey, that's a good start to a song...

Hope you have a better night!!!

Mark

Latte

In my first try at sobriety I became a Court Appointed Special Advocate. National CASA I am the voice for a child, one child at a time. I work for the child and it is so rewarding. It can be heartbreaking too but it has taught me so much about humanity and has actually helped me become a better mother myself. I thought when I pled no contest to a charge of child endangerment (as a result of drug and alcohol use) I would have to resign, but after I had been C&S for six months I was able to take another case.