Relapser
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: San Rafael CA
Posts: 36
Relapser
Hi,
So I am an alcoholic and was sober for 5 years then thought I could handle it again because I was more of an adult... well here I am... I have hit 3 or 4 rock bottoms and was just about at my 2 month sober mark this time and I went out drinking by myself and ended up getting my stomach pumped and having to call my husband from the ER. I blacked out after stopping into a place for 1 drink (it has never been 1 drink for me) was then found by strangers, on the bathroom floor covered in my own puke and incoherent.. The last time I realized I couldn't drink I just lost my shoes and walked away from it. Didn't think about it for 5 years... But this time I am feeling like a complete failure and wondering if I can do it. I can't take many more of these rock bottems. My husband is totally supportive and would do anything to help me not drink but when I sneak around how can he help and why can't I tell him??? GOD I just needed to say this to someone. I am scared that I will lose everything. And I easily could.. The fact that when the ambuliance came to get me at the bar I left with all of my belongings including credit cards and cash was a miracle. I'm just feeling like a failure....
So I am an alcoholic and was sober for 5 years then thought I could handle it again because I was more of an adult... well here I am... I have hit 3 or 4 rock bottoms and was just about at my 2 month sober mark this time and I went out drinking by myself and ended up getting my stomach pumped and having to call my husband from the ER. I blacked out after stopping into a place for 1 drink (it has never been 1 drink for me) was then found by strangers, on the bathroom floor covered in my own puke and incoherent.. The last time I realized I couldn't drink I just lost my shoes and walked away from it. Didn't think about it for 5 years... But this time I am feeling like a complete failure and wondering if I can do it. I can't take many more of these rock bottems. My husband is totally supportive and would do anything to help me not drink but when I sneak around how can he help and why can't I tell him??? GOD I just needed to say this to someone. I am scared that I will lose everything. And I easily could.. The fact that when the ambuliance came to get me at the bar I left with all of my belongings including credit cards and cash was a miracle. I'm just feeling like a failure....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi and Welcome,
It does sound like you were really lucky with what happened, and it's great that your husband is supportive. So, I hope you are ready to stop drinking now. I hope you find yourself comfortable here, and keep reading and posting. You were sober for a long time, so you know how to do it. And, you know that you do not have to go any lower than this time!
It does sound like you were really lucky with what happened, and it's great that your husband is supportive. So, I hope you are ready to stop drinking now. I hope you find yourself comfortable here, and keep reading and posting. You were sober for a long time, so you know how to do it. And, you know that you do not have to go any lower than this time!
Recovery is possible!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Welcome and im glad you found SR. I
have been here for a while sharing my
experiences, strengths and hopes with
others on what it was like when i drank,
what happened to me and where Im at
now.
I had a bad accident in Feb. 90 which
sent me to the hospital for 10 days
and saying I will NEVER drink again.
Never say never because after 3 months
healing quite well i thought i could go
out and control my drinking better this
time.
Boy was I wrong. In Aug. 90 i tried to
end my miserable life. Then my family
stepped in with an intervention and
sent me to rehab where i stayed for
28 days picking up the tools and know-
ledge of my disease of alcoholism.
I look back on tha time between Feb.
1990 to Aug. 1990 when i didnt drink
and realized how quickly the progression
of my disease really was.
Today i know why that happens and even
for me today if i ever decide to pick up
a drink, i will die, or become insane or
behind bars, because one drink will never
be enough to satisfy my craving for it.
There will never ever be enough alcohol
in the world to quench my thirst.
So the easiest thing for me to do is to
live one day at a time not drinking and
living the 12 steps provided to me through
a wonderful program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I use SR as an extra tool in my recovery
program each day because there r many
here that r just like u looking for answers
from those that have managed to stay
clean and sober a day at a time.
There r many of us here in SR that are
under no obligation to share our stories with
anyone. We do this in order to stay
clean and sober ourselves.
We need the newcomers just as the
newcomers need the oldtimers.
This is what u call FELLOWSHIP in
recovery.
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
have been here for a while sharing my
experiences, strengths and hopes with
others on what it was like when i drank,
what happened to me and where Im at
now.
I had a bad accident in Feb. 90 which
sent me to the hospital for 10 days
and saying I will NEVER drink again.
Never say never because after 3 months
healing quite well i thought i could go
out and control my drinking better this
time.
Boy was I wrong. In Aug. 90 i tried to
end my miserable life. Then my family
stepped in with an intervention and
sent me to rehab where i stayed for
28 days picking up the tools and know-
ledge of my disease of alcoholism.
I look back on tha time between Feb.
1990 to Aug. 1990 when i didnt drink
and realized how quickly the progression
of my disease really was.
Today i know why that happens and even
for me today if i ever decide to pick up
a drink, i will die, or become insane or
behind bars, because one drink will never
be enough to satisfy my craving for it.
There will never ever be enough alcohol
in the world to quench my thirst.
So the easiest thing for me to do is to
live one day at a time not drinking and
living the 12 steps provided to me through
a wonderful program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I use SR as an extra tool in my recovery
program each day because there r many
here that r just like u looking for answers
from those that have managed to stay
clean and sober a day at a time.
There r many of us here in SR that are
under no obligation to share our stories with
anyone. We do this in order to stay
clean and sober ourselves.
We need the newcomers just as the
newcomers need the oldtimers.
This is what u call FELLOWSHIP in
recovery.
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm really glad you have joined us here...Welcome!
This time you might consider a recovery program to
assist you on your sobreity.
For me....God....AA and SR are immensley helpful.
Blessings to you and your husband
This time you might consider a recovery program to
assist you on your sobreity.
For me....God....AA and SR are immensley helpful.
Blessings to you and your husband
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: San Rafael CA
Posts: 36
Hi all thanks so much I am excited that I found this place. i think this can be a great place for me to ask for help when I am feeling week and hopefully some time in the not so near future I can pass a helping hand on to others. Thanks for sharing your stories I know you don't have to but it is nice to not feel like the only drunk loser in the world...
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 42
Your post really hit home for me. Welcome to SR. I am new too - 24 days today and I can relate to having long, proud periods of sobriety and then horrible drunken episodes - ending up in the ER I've done a couple times actually. It is an awful feeling and after something like that the depression and despair can feel really crippling. Hang in there and know that in a few days as your chemistry starts to stabilize you won't feel so bleak. You have a lot of work to do sure, but you've found this site and it sounds like your husband is a great guy.
You are not a drunk loser. And you never have to feel like this again!
Jayne
You are not a drunk loser. And you never have to feel like this again!
Jayne
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
I'm glad you joined us. This is a great recovery family. We support each other and ourselves also and it works. You know you can recover, you've done it before. Now you can do it again and do it better. Welcome!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by RohnertWestfiel 
Hi,
So I am an alcoholic and was sober for 5 years then thought I could handle it again because I was more of an adult... well here I am... I have hit 3 or 4 rock bottoms and was just about at my 2 month sober mark this time and I went out drinking by myself and ended up getting my stomach pumped and having to call my husband from the ER. I blacked out after stopping into a place for 1 drink (it has never been 1 drink for me) was then found by strangers, on the bathroom floor covered in my own puke and incoherent.. The last time I realized I couldn't drink I just lost my shoes and walked away from it. Didn't think about it for 5 years... But this time I am feeling like a complete failure and wondering if I can do it. I can't take many more of these rock bottems. My husband is totally supportive and would do anything to help me not drink but when I sneak around how can he help and why can't I tell him??? GOD I just needed to say this to someone. I am scared that I will lose everything. And I easily could.. The fact that when the ambuliance came to get me at the bar I left with all of my belongings including credit cards and cash was a miracle. I'm just feeling like a failure....
So I am an alcoholic and was sober for 5 years then thought I could handle it again because I was more of an adult... well here I am... I have hit 3 or 4 rock bottoms and was just about at my 2 month sober mark this time and I went out drinking by myself and ended up getting my stomach pumped and having to call my husband from the ER. I blacked out after stopping into a place for 1 drink (it has never been 1 drink for me) was then found by strangers, on the bathroom floor covered in my own puke and incoherent.. The last time I realized I couldn't drink I just lost my shoes and walked away from it. Didn't think about it for 5 years... But this time I am feeling like a complete failure and wondering if I can do it. I can't take many more of these rock bottems. My husband is totally supportive and would do anything to help me not drink but when I sneak around how can he help and why can't I tell him??? GOD I just needed to say this to someone. I am scared that I will lose everything. And I easily could.. The fact that when the ambuliance came to get me at the bar I left with all of my belongings including credit cards and cash was a miracle. I'm just feeling like a failure....
Your lucky your husband is very supportive, mine is not - yet he drinks almost nightly. He rips on me all the time about times I have drank myself silly & the fact that I still dont have a license because of my DUI. he finds ways to make me feel horrible.
Please embrace the fact you have someone that loves & supports you & work towards your recovery with him!
All the best!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: San Rafael CA
Posts: 36
ToABetterMe,
Thanks for your reply. I am honestly surprised I haven't lost my license or gotten a DUI so that I have escaped just by accident... It's funny admitting this stuff hopefully some day will make me feel better right now I feel like a complete mess. Anyway I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I give you a lot of credit because pushing the wall that it souds like is being put around you to keep you in the drunk world sounds tiring, but I am so inspired by you. So please keep it up and keep in touch! I feel like there is a lot of brightness in your future!!
Thanks for your reply. I am honestly surprised I haven't lost my license or gotten a DUI so that I have escaped just by accident... It's funny admitting this stuff hopefully some day will make me feel better right now I feel like a complete mess. Anyway I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I give you a lot of credit because pushing the wall that it souds like is being put around you to keep you in the drunk world sounds tiring, but I am so inspired by you. So please keep it up and keep in touch! I feel like there is a lot of brightness in your future!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello rohnert,,im charmian and im an alcoholic.you are not alone! im 36 and through my 20 drinking career ive ended up in some serious messes and situations.hospitals,suicide attempts allsorts of sexual encounters that would never usually happen! my daughter going to live with my sister (im lucky she didnt end up in the care system!) loss of friends,fights,police at my door,mental institution,,the list goes on and on.i put the drink down on the 1st january and got myself to AA on the 4th,i drank for one night on the 6th of february and this was to serve me well as i finally gave in an realised i cannot beat this illness and do not want to go on trying.AA has already given me a life and peace of mind that i never thought was possible in my alki racing brain,and just think,,its only the begining! i could go on and on about AA but in the end it is the individuals descision.it is only a suggestion but if you really want to stay sober then give it a try,you have nothing to loose and maybe everything to gain! thank you for your honesty and i hope you get some peace.Charmian.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
