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The younger crowd needs some help

Old 04-16-2009, 08:53 AM
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The younger crowd needs some help

Hello people,

Last night during the meeting someone said something interesting that kinda hit home, I guess I just completely related to the statement. I forget exactly what was said but it was some where a long the lines of: "I don't think my drinking has caused a big enough problem for me to quit, what should my low point be or how can I make it feel like I have reached a low enough point?"

I'm 25 and I can see that my drinking is progressing, it seems like I'm slipping up more and doing stupid things more often, like either drinking every night until I blackout or going out and doing something stupid I can't remember (like starting a fight or having an emotional melt down). The problem is that I seem to be straddling the fence, I really haven't done that much damage to myself/others to want to quit but I have done enough where I can see that this might be a problem I'll have the rest of my life if I don't get control now.

I guess I'm at a fork in my life and I really don't know which path to take, in fact I don't really know what paths there are for me to take. I only know two paths, continue how I have and hope I can control my problem enough or figure out a way to stop drinking completely. What should I do?
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Old 04-16-2009, 08:56 AM
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Do you want to keep drinking until something horrible happens? So many of us come here AFTER losing it all, wishing so much to have stopped before it happened.. because it will. I didn't wait until I lost my job, my marriage, my life.. but if I kept doing what I was doing, I would have. Nothing terrible has happened.. yet. You are in control of that ..
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Old 04-16-2009, 10:13 AM
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I had a problem long before i realized i did. Its tough cause if you aren't sure if you can control it or not...well...it seems to make it pretty difficult to stay sober. Even if you aren't interested in AA there are parts of the big book that speak about the insanity of drinking and you might benifit from reading some of that to see if you perhaps have less control than you think.

When i thought there was a possiblity I could control my drinking, I drank....found out I didn't have control and was stuck in the bottle for 8 years...almost didn't make it out....I suspect listening to other alchoholics with lower bottoms talk about thier earlier years where they lost control and didn't realize it might have helped.

Maybe you can ask some people to share about how they saw thier out of controlness .... I know for me a big clue should have been things like I could drink anyone under the table, I couldn't ever stop at that point of just starting t ofeel good but had to go on to flat out drunk (most of the time) and I choose things dependent on wether it would enhance or inhibit my drinking.
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Old 04-16-2009, 11:53 AM
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Hi BetterJohn,

Welcome- You seem like a wise young man to see a problem. To answer your question I think that is the nature of the disease. We almost have to be forced into stopping. We could always go further down. You seem like you know you have a problem which usually means you do. You would be very fortunate to do something about it now. I have not lost anything except a little dignity when I would get too drunk. But I have listened to others who tell me they went back out and all the "yets" happen. Do you want to go to jail or worse and then say ok now I can quit. The disease progresses so eventually those "never happened to me things do happen".

Good luck and keep posting- you will get alot of support here.
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Old 04-16-2009, 12:00 PM
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i know from being around the residents at my daughter's rehabs - the younger folks in recovery seemed to have less physical health problems. that seems like a good reason to add to your list of quit earlier vs later?
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Old 04-16-2009, 12:02 PM
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BetterJohn

When I stopped drinking the first time I felt that my bottom didn't come anywhere close to some people in AA. I stayed in for 15 years and thought I would be able to drink again. Well, my last day before coming back in I was 5 minutes from death!! I never thought it would get that bad but it did. Its this damn disease. Its cunning, baffling and most of all so powerful. It makes up believe that we weren't that bad and we could do it in moderation. Not the truth though, and believe it when people say that it doesn't matter how much time they had that they pick up exactly where they left off. That is the truth. Once a cucumber now a pickle - you can never go back to being a cucumber again!!!!
Good luck and please keep posting.
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Old 04-16-2009, 12:24 PM
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The thing that sets an Alcoholic apart from other people is the Phenomonon oh Craving. Nobody else gets this. Just us. Dr. Silkworth says it may be the manifestation of an allergy that sets us apart as a separate entity. An Alcoholic can not "not drink"
That's what makes us powerless over alcohol. Powerless means just that. It means you can't scare this Phenomonon. You can't trick it, you can't reason with it and you can't run and hide from it. It owns you. Nothing anyone says in a meeting will make it go away either.
The time to quit drinking and recover is when you come to the realization that alcohol has control of more of your life than you're willing to give up. We make concessions and excuses for our drinking as alcohol is really drinking us dry. It sucks more and more of the life out of us until we have had enough. This realization comes sooner for some and later for others. For the majority, it never comes at all. An Alcoholic can never become a normal drinker. We will die trying. Got to admire that quality in us. We will go to our graves with the delusion that we will be able to control it this time.
This is all on you. It's all about how long you're going to try to control your drinking.
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Old 04-16-2009, 12:30 PM
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i got sober at 21. i told my mom once that i wanted to keep riding the train... even though i knew it was going to derail. she told me that i was so effin lucky to get off where i did, because i didn't have a clue when it was going to flip and if i kept playing the odds, i'd end up dead.

3 years and 3 dead friends later, i'm grateful to be sober.
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Old 04-16-2009, 12:42 PM
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Hi John, please stop before something terrible happens. If you are having blackouts and doing things you don't understand why, then you definetly have a problem. And since we are in the same city I certainly don't want you to be endangering my life or the life of my daughter and grandchildren.

Judy
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Old 04-16-2009, 01:05 PM
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It is an important point and I can honestly tell you I was there myself back in 1990. I was 24 years old. I lived in a big city with my then boyfriend and current husband. We went out drinking after work a few times a week. I did not get into any trouble, but I could feel my drinking spiraling out of control. One night we went out and I can now look back on this and I still feel the shame. We started out as usual at the usual bar, but then the evening didn't end. My bf went home and I continued. I did so many jello shots that I couldn't remember the rest of the night. I somehow got home that night and then got sick all over the place. My bf cleaned up my mess and me. I was so ashamed that when he suggested I go to AA I went without argument.

I went to a meeting that night and got a sponsor and started to do what I needed to do, BUT my alcoholic self pointed all the differences out to me. These people are down and out. They've lost everything. I'm in my 20s and had 1 bad night! I can't be an alcoholic. I'm too young!!

Okay, as you can guess the alcoholic voice won and I quit AA and went on with life. I started eventually drinking at home because that was safe. I didn't have to worry about blacking out and how I made it home. As I said earlier, I put off having kids because I didn't think I could be sober long enough.

I am 42 years old and I became sober for good as of May 2008. The disease doesn't discriminate with age, unfortunately. I was an alcoholic the day I started drinking in high school. I am an alcoholic now and will remain one.

I will tell you what they told me in AA years ago. "Thank God you are smart enough to stop so early. I wish I had because maybe I wouldn't have lost my wife, my husband, my job, my home, my children, my . . ." Fill it in. My God it is not worth it.
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Old 04-16-2009, 01:14 PM
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Thank you everyone for the advise.

Everything that everyone has said makes a lot of sense, I'm still left scratching my head trying to figure out what my next move is. I do know that I will at the very least use the help and support of this site as much as possible to help keep me in check until I am ready to make a decision.
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Old 04-16-2009, 01:19 PM
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Just read your first post John. Have things improved since you've stopped drinking and are you still carrying the sober date of 4/13? What's made you question whether alcohol should now be a part of your life? Just some questions from a noisy Horselover.

I re-read your post here and I see what made you question whether alcohol should be a part of your life. You aren't sure that its caused that much damage in your life, right?
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Old 04-16-2009, 01:35 PM
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The AA Big Book talks about attempting controlled drinking or abstinence for a year for those who are uncertain about their drinking/alcoholism. If you try this and if you are honest with yourself, you will soon know if you have a serious problem.

But perhaps you already know this?

If you are in fact an alcoholic, the drinking path is predictable and it's not good. Alcoholism is progressive in nature. I don't believe that anybody escapes from this fact.

On the other hand, sobriety offers endless possibilities. After 16 months sober, I see absolutely no downside to being a non-drinker. I feel free.

Also, I read one definition of an alcoholic hitting bottom that really stuck with me:

"do you want this to be your bottom or do you want to get hit even harder?"

I'm so grateful that I stopped while I could still make that chioce.
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Old 04-16-2009, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Horselover View Post
Just read your first post John. Have things improved since you've stopped drinking and are you still carrying the sober date of 4/13? What's made you question whether alcohol should now be a part of your life? Just some questions from a noisy Horselover.

I re-read your post here and I see what made you question whether alcohol should be a part of your life. You aren't sure that its caused that much damage in your life, right?
I also just re-read my first post, I honestly can't believe how I let myself forget how things have been. When I made that post on monday I really was in a bad place, but I have had an 'ok' last couple days and it's almost like I dropped everything I first said... I don't know, sometimes I have a hard time either remembering how I feel or I live too much in the 'now', I don't want to say I'm dumb.. but I feel like it. Thank you for pointing that out.

I did let myself drink last night, and I don't know why. I had to talk to the soon-to-be-ex wife and she drove me over the edge, I felt like I was about to lose a battle with my inner rage, it might have been because I hadn't drank anything for almost 3 days. I didn't drink much, but I still feel pretty bad considering how much I built myself up to not drink. Life has really been a f*in roller coaster the last week, I don't know what to do.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:13 PM
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John, Don't be too hard on yourself. Re-reading my first post here has kept me away from the bottle more then once. The rage you describe I felt for sure. I know others have felt it too because I have seen a thread about "scream therapy" or something to those words. We all have that inner anger. The roller coaster ride is definitely not the fun ride we had at the amusement park.

Let me just say, don't let your ex "drive" you back to drinking. The sober John is a better person in dealing with all matters of life. The alcohol promises us relief, but I have yet to find the relief. Come to SR and talk with us. We'll help when we can.

Try a meeting if there is one available. Face to face sober people are fun to be around and can definitely inspire.

Have to run and get my son. You can do it John. One day at a time and if you're like me in the beginning one moment at a time. Walking helped me, but whatever physical exercise you can do with yourself the better. It will help with the inner rage and with the cravings.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:15 PM
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Another member of the younger crowd here, confused, and somewhat terrified at this point. I'm at that questioning stage too, just beginning to see if I have a real problem or not. I haven't had a drink for a couple days and have felt...alright I guess. I'm just so up and down nowadays. I'll wake up and feel great, couple hours later my mood will just switch, switch again, and again, and again, without any reason for it too. It's not fun at all! And it plays with my memory too. So ya I've been making a conscious effort to stop, so I'll myself go from here. That "inner rage" just seems to grow and grow in my case, and probably many others. Just takes one word to set me off sometimes, otherwise it's a usual, casual conversation, but once emotions get involved...it all gets messed up. Anyways, I'm just breathing nowadays when I get into that headspace, focusing my mind on that helps me listen to others without resorting to anger. Then again it doesn't always work, so I dunno.

Good luck with your understanding and recovery.
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Old 04-16-2009, 03:02 PM
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John,

I'm a 19 year old college student and can completely relate to where you are at. However, I think once you see how much sobriety can change your life in a positive way, you'll start to realize how low you actually got in reality, as opposed to just comparing your "bottom" to other peoples' "bottoms." I honestly used to believe that I didn't have to quit using because I hadn't lost it all, and that is just a really twisted way to look at it because eventually you will lose it all (more likely than not). Why would I want to risk the whole rest of my life just in a vain attempt prove that either a) I don't really have a problem b) I won't ever be as low as other people were or c) I can do it all on my own and rebel against all the suggestions that haved worked for so many people before me?

A "bottom" is really just when someone decides to quit using/drinking. I think they should change that word, though, because it easily deters younger gals and guys from sticking with the program and enables harder drug users and drinkers to either feel worse about their use or almost better because of the more frequent use they have endured - which is COMPLETELY ridiculous (c.ock fights over who did more of what is not impressive, it's just downright stupid).

Really, what it all boils down to is are you, John (not other people, not your neighbor/mom/cousin/gf/whatever) ready to stop using? Are you ready to change yourself for the better and learn healthy ways of having fun and coping with stress? If you are, kudos to you AND congrats on being smart enough to be young and aware enough to recognize you have a problem.

Rachel
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