I relapsed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 96
I relapsed
I feel horrible because I relapsed. I was two days away from getting a month and I broke down. I started smoking again and I talked to my ex boyfriend.
I missed him so I showed up at his house. I feel like crap and I wish I could have stayed strong and not have let myself down.
I do want to be happy but I'm scared to do the work.
So I guess I'm starting all over again.
I missed him so I showed up at his house. I feel like crap and I wish I could have stayed strong and not have let myself down.
I do want to be happy but I'm scared to do the work.
So I guess I'm starting all over again.
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
stay strong kat ~~ dont beat yourself up over the relapse, sad to say but it happens. I cant even tell you the amount of times ive relapsed since trying to get clean.
What matters is what you do from here on out...make sure you learn something from your relapse, dont let it all be in vain. Do you attend any type of 12 step program??
What matters is what you do from here on out...make sure you learn something from your relapse, dont let it all be in vain. Do you attend any type of 12 step program??
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
The work is what scares me the most also. It is an everyday thing and takes lots of time and effort. Start out with baby steps. Dont beat yourself up over this, that is counter-productive. Keep trying. 
(((Kat)))
(((Kat)))
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Originally Posted by Kat67 
So I guess I'm starting all over again.
Never ever give up trying.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Dear Kat.. 
Don't give up! The first Step..is the only one we have to get right.
There is no rush..stay sober today.
This is my 7th time in..and it is working for me. It will work for you, too.
You are where you are supposed to be.
And you can never fail in this thing..unless you give up.
Hugs and more.
Sher
Don't give up! The first Step..is the only one we have to get right.
There is no rush..stay sober today.
This is my 7th time in..and it is working for me. It will work for you, too.
You are where you are supposed to be.
And you can never fail in this thing..unless you give up.
Hugs and more.
Sher
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi Kat,
Relapse is more common in early recovery than someone who has years of good sobriety. Early recovery is very challenging...
What I found the hardest was forgiving myself...Do forgive yourself...
As far as finding a sponsor, take your time and choose someone whom you feel comfortable with..In the meantime, keep coming here and going to AA..
You can do this...Believe in yourself, you deserve a good life with meaning and without alcohol.:ghug
Relapse is more common in early recovery than someone who has years of good sobriety. Early recovery is very challenging...
What I found the hardest was forgiving myself...Do forgive yourself...
As far as finding a sponsor, take your time and choose someone whom you feel comfortable with..In the meantime, keep coming here and going to AA..
You can do this...Believe in yourself, you deserve a good life with meaning and without alcohol.:ghug
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Livingroom
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by Kat67
I do want to be happy but I'm scared to do the work.
Be gentle with yourself and KNOW it's a journey...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Awww, honey, don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself. I cannot tell ya how hard it is in early recovery. I am on my 4th try (as long as you get up, dust yourself off, and try again, you'll get there! Point is TRY), and 72 days clean now. Whatever you do, don't give up trying. Don't let your addiction tell you that just because you relapsed you might as well go out and use some more. Don't let it tell you that, since you have XX number of days clean, you can handle and control it, so might as well go use (it's told me this SO much recently!).
DO go to meetings. Try to meet more people, maybe you will find someone that you connect with and will sponsor you. My sponsor told me NO, at first, but then called me and told me she changed her mind.
Get started on that step work, even if you don't have a sponsor. If you are going to meetings, and have questions or get stuck on a step, reach out and talk to someone about it.
Or come here! I bet there is plenty of help with working the steps here.
When I relapsed, in February, I called my boyfriend at 2 in the morning. LOLOL. I felt so compelled to confess. I wish I had that "force" to drive me to tell on my addiction before I relapsed, but I learned from it and used my "plotting" skills to tell on my addiction as soon as it starts rearing its ugly head, rather than plotting to use.
Another important thing is to learn from your mistake. All lessons learned. You just weren't done yet. You might not still be, but don't let that scare you. Addiction feeds off fear. I know it's hard right now, but keep coming back. Tell on your addiction!
And tell yourself, you can always get loaded tomorrow. The nice part about that is tomorrow NEVER COMES. Every day is today. :ghug
DO go to meetings. Try to meet more people, maybe you will find someone that you connect with and will sponsor you. My sponsor told me NO, at first, but then called me and told me she changed her mind.
Get started on that step work, even if you don't have a sponsor. If you are going to meetings, and have questions or get stuck on a step, reach out and talk to someone about it.
Or come here! I bet there is plenty of help with working the steps here.
When I relapsed, in February, I called my boyfriend at 2 in the morning. LOLOL. I felt so compelled to confess. I wish I had that "force" to drive me to tell on my addiction before I relapsed, but I learned from it and used my "plotting" skills to tell on my addiction as soon as it starts rearing its ugly head, rather than plotting to use.
Another important thing is to learn from your mistake. All lessons learned. You just weren't done yet. You might not still be, but don't let that scare you. Addiction feeds off fear. I know it's hard right now, but keep coming back. Tell on your addiction!
And tell yourself, you can always get loaded tomorrow. The nice part about that is tomorrow NEVER COMES. Every day is today. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
I used to walk into the NA rooms, so full of myself. Loaded on crack, MJ, or vikes... Pretending I was clean.. Going back the last time was hard because I knew people knew I was loaded before. But so many told me they did the same thing and it really helped to know that I wasn't alone and they understood...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Kat)))
It's happened to a lot of us, sweetie, me included. Like Freedom, I learned from that relapse.
Pick yourself up and move forward. You haven't wasted your clean time, you've simply found an area you need to work on some more. The things that WERE working, you add to, the things that didn't work, you change and try something else.
I'm glad you're back so quick!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It's happened to a lot of us, sweetie, me included. Like Freedom, I learned from that relapse.
Pick yourself up and move forward. You haven't wasted your clean time, you've simply found an area you need to work on some more. The things that WERE working, you add to, the things that didn't work, you change and try something else.
I'm glad you're back so quick!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
Kat,
do not beat yourself up over this!!!
Everything happens for a reason, and right now, you are clearly struggling. I think it is amazing and awesome that you admitted your mistake!
I can absolutely relate to what you are going through, and i'm at day 2 after ALMOST getting 11 days after ALMOST getting 4 months, but the woulda coulda shoulda's are only going to bring us down, so please don't feel alone on this!Try to stay focused, as guilt will only become counter productive.
Your recovery probably needs some tweaking. Maybe try going to more AA/NA meetings and trying to find at least a temporary sponsor.
There is always light, you just have to find it right now. Welcome back =]
Rach
do not beat yourself up over this!!!
Everything happens for a reason, and right now, you are clearly struggling. I think it is amazing and awesome that you admitted your mistake!
I can absolutely relate to what you are going through, and i'm at day 2 after ALMOST getting 11 days after ALMOST getting 4 months, but the woulda coulda shoulda's are only going to bring us down, so please don't feel alone on this!Try to stay focused, as guilt will only become counter productive.
Your recovery probably needs some tweaking. Maybe try going to more AA/NA meetings and trying to find at least a temporary sponsor.
There is always light, you just have to find it right now. Welcome back =]
Rach
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 124
Feel those feelings right now. Feel them deep and stay with them. Sink into the regret and discouragement: NOT TO BRING YOURSELF DOWN! BUT SO YOU WON'T FORGET WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE! Best wishes to stand up, dust yourself off, and get back on the recovery trail! 
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
