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I am a girlfriend of an addict and I am really having difficutly dealing with this. I have supported him for almost a year now but I am tired. Mentally and physically it seems that anytime I try to talk about my feelings it always gets turned around on me he starts pointing out things that he says are my fault. I don't know how much more I can take. I don't have to put up with it but yet I do. I have went to AA meetings to try and understand the addict and I do more now than I did. But what i am not understanding is why is it always about him and his feelings? What about me?:wtf2

Hi,

It can be about you and your feelings too. You need to take care of yourself and set boundaries that are comfortable for you. Have you tried AlAnon for family members?

Not all loves last forever....:no:

Toxic people make me feel bad
about myself.
That is not going to happen to me again.
Moving on can be a positive thing .
:yup:

Welcome to SR...:wavey:

Hello and welcome. Unfortunately when we are in active addiction, the booze and drugs are the most important thing to us, even more than loved ones. Its not that we still dont love them, its just that we are addicted. Alanon would be a good place for you to meet peoeple in similar situations. Good luck!

Welcome to SR, I hope you find that support that you are looking for

Welcome, :c009: you're are doing the right thing by reaching out for help. My husband and I are both addicts, and we both tend to point the finger at each other a lot. We both recently decided that we couldn't live like that any longer, so he joined AA and I joined NA. And things are getting a little better every day. But we need to do a lot of work on ourselves before we can wok on things as a couple.

I think that until your boyfriend comes to the point where he wants help for HIMSELF, that its really a decision of how much you are willing to go through with him. And try to remember that when he is saying those not so nice things to you, that its the disease talking, not him. I'm sure he loves you, but being an addict keeps us from putting anyone (including ourselves) before our addiction.

I wish you all the best and I hope you decide to get the support and help you need and deserve. Addiction affects everyone in the addict's life, and know that its not his fault that he has this problem. But its completely up to him to get the help he needs. And he may not be at that point for a long time. He may have to hit rock bottom before he sees that there is a problem.
So theres a big decision you need to make, and no one can make it for you. You are an important person and you deserve to feel that you are. Do what you have to do for yourself and don't put your own life on the back burner waiting for him to change, it may never happen.

My heart is with you and I wish you hapiness and love in all you do, my prayers are with you both. .:c016:

What Carol said! A lot of wisdom here...

Welcome to SR...

Keep posting.

Thank you all for your advice. Last night didn't get any better he came to my house and went outside and hung out with my kids. Instead of wanting to talk to me and make sure I am ok he just totally ignored the problem. He has went to 1 AA meeting and that is it. My sister is an addict but she has been clean for almost 6 mo. now and she is dating a guy that is an alcoholic that has been sober for sometime, they all 3 sat down night before last and he told them his story and he told them his. Mys sister said it seemed to go good and I kinda have a feeling thats why the big arguement yesterday. My sister says he knows he is powerless over this and is pissed about it so he has to take it out on somebody. He is going to the methadone clinic and has been since October he feels that he is clean because he isn't popping illegal pills but I feel that the clinic is just a way for him to legally get his fix. IDK I am trying to stay positive but it is really hard. I keep hearing it's a disease, it's just the disease talking but this disease is affecting me too and bad!

There are two other forums on this site that you may find helpful, depending on what he's addicted to: Friends and Family of Alcoholics and Friends and Family of Substance Abusers. I don't know what it's like except what my kids told me it was like when I was drinking wine all day every day. I WAS very selfish and only wanted to drink myself stupid all the time. It was how I coped with life... and not a good way to cope either.

Now that I'm sober I'm trying to prove myself to my kids and make it up to them for the times I put my 'need' for wine above their need for a sober mom.

An addict CAN get and stay clean and sober, but they have to want it for themselves and not just to please or pacify someone else. You may want to establish some boundaries with your bf. Your life and your feelings are important to you, you don't have to tolerate such selfish thoughtless behavior from someone who's supposed to love you.

I wish you the best, and welcome to our family!:ghug3

TJ hon you need to take care of your self and let him take care of himself, the only person that can get him clean is him. 2 suggestions:

1. Got to Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information this is another forum here for friends & families of substance abusers.

2. Go to the NA equivelant of Alanon or got to Alanon, this is a program/support group of people dealing with alcoholics and addicts in their lifes.