north

I've been sober for over two months and have been attending AA as part of my recovery. I am a high-functioning alcoholic - I drank about 1-2 times per week, always social and never alone & rarely at home, and only had problems stopping about 1 out of 4 times (which is why I stopped for good). No rock-bottom episodes like a DUI, arrest or firing but I am sure I could have gone there during one of my one-nighters. More importantly, after a nervous first two weeks, there haven't been any irrational urges, cravings or bad episodes. I love my abstinence and revel in my sobriety. My health has improved not just with alcohol out of my life but with the better eating, sleeping, exercise that comes with sobriety.

I truly appreciate what AA has done for me. Without the program, I am quite certain I would have completed the month sober but probably relapsed shortly afterward due to peer pressure.

However, I am not sure of some things about AA (that I really don't feel comfortable saying in a meeting or to my sponsor)...

The Big Book is great but I am not comfortable giving it the unquestioned reverence that many members do. It seems to me that they treat it if it were the Gospel itself.

I now attend meetings once a week, but I've been advised to attend meetings 3 times a week ... which I think is a bit much. However, with my sobriety less than 3 months and my sponsor's well over a decade, I acknowledge he knows a lot more about keeping sober than I do. And, one reason I still go once a week is that I do have a fear of relapse.

Any advice?

firestorm090

Any program that we work gives us what we give it. We get what we pay for, so to speak. If you are comfortable with the amount of meetings you attend, then I would stick with that. If you feel at risk, then more meetings may help you stay focused on recovery. Your sponsor can only make suggestions, it's up to you to work whatever program works for you.

vegibean

You have to do what is right for you no matter what. You know what you need. If I did what half of the people do as far as hitting meetings? That would be enough to make me relapse. I can only do what I can. You can't compare apples to oranges. What's good for one isn't always good for the other. JMO

Katie09

I'll throw my two cents in. A long time ago I went to AA and didn't have a drink for over two years. I went to one meeting a week. Then we all went to coffee. The meeting after the meeting did me far more good than the meeting. I say listen to yourself.

Mark75

Hi North

Go as often as you need, or as you want, to go. I have found two groups that I really like, combined they meet 3 times a week....

Mark

FightingIrish

i agree with what has been said. i happen to go to 6-7 meetings a week, but i burned so many bridges that most of my social life revolves around a.a. at this point. which is fine with me.

gerryP

Hey North and congrats on your new found sobriety,

I spent 2 years and 7 months in AA and left altogether last June. At that point my sponsor thought that "someone at my stage of sobriety, should be going to 3 to 4 meetings per week" Ahhhh...no.....but thanks for the suggestion all the same.

I don't know where some of these sponsors or anyone else in the program get these numbers from. If you are comfortable with one a week, one a week for you it is. One of the things I heard in the "roomz" that made sense to me was "AA is supposed to give you a life, not be your life." That said if 10 meetings a week works, honestly, great.
It's your program.

CarolD

Congratulations on your progress....

For me...3 meetings a week keeps me in balance.
I have gone daily at times...at other times once
a week due to work schedules.

I don't ask my sponsees to attend any set ammount.

What I do ask of my sponsees ...start Step work quickly.
Why? because that's when I felt solid in my recovery.

Do I follow the BB to the nth degree?
No...I never have and I've been happily using AA for 20 years.

Hope you find the joy recovery has given me.

cab31

Some people find that AA works for them more than anything else. They follow the big book and the 12 steps and live them day in day out. Everyone is different. Perhaps in the future you may find that you need to attend more meetings etc. I think if you are comfortable with one a week then stick with that.
For you, perhaps the best thing about AA is knowing you arent alone and having that weekly "grounding" as such. If that is what keeps you sober then fantastic!

CarolD

North...
You might want to check out the official guideline for sponsorship.

"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"

can usually be found on the free literature rack at meetings.

Tazman53

I am a firm beleiver in that, when I first got sober I did over 90 meetings in 90 days, yes that was suggested to me, not by a sponsor, but by the folks in detox. I needed every one of those meetings, a sponsor, & taking the steps to stay sober, but that was me, I did the right number of meetings for me and took the steps with a sponsor.

I have over 2 1/2 years sober now, I do on average 3 meetings a week and have several sponsees, one was like me and did a ton of meetings early in his sobriety and has cut back now, he is doing awesome. I suggest to a newcomer to do a lot of meetings to start of with and then do the number of meetings they feel comfortable with.

I am at the point in my sobriety where I can recognize when I need to up my meetings, when I need to call my sponsor.

I know folks that go to at least 1 meeting every day and have been doing so for quite a while, some of them do so because they feel they need them & some of them do so because they just like to go to meetings.

Keep in mind that all a sponsor can do is suggest, there are no rules in AA.... don't like your sponsor? Fire him! Don't want a sponsor at all? Don't get one!

I had to quote that again, because that is what AA has done, it has given me a new life, one big reason I go to meetings is because I love to pass on to a newcomer what was so freely given to me, for me thanks to the steps, my sobriety is not all about me any more, my sobriety I owe to those who showed me the way to it, and I want to pass on what I have found to others.

North do what you need to do to stay sober and be happy about it, I would suggest to you as I suggest to my sponsees, make sure you stay on top of your self and be ready to go to a meeting when you need one and to call your sponsor and others when needed.

AA gave me life, it is part of my life, but it is not my life.

flutter

I would say do what's comfortable to you. AA isn't part of my recovery, but I know that it is, and works, for a lot of people. Who knows, maybe try it? That seems like a LOT of time in a meeting to me, but I suppose it wont hurt any

Tazman53

LOL In comparison to the amount of time I spent drinking and getting booze an hour to an hour & a half is nothing!

When I was in detox some of the most sage advice given to me by my counselor was to try and spend as much time working on my recovery as I did drinking. In reality though there were not enough AA meetings in my area to cover all the time I spent drinking and getting booze so I spent a great deal on the phone and reading recovery material.

SeaHorse

i go once or twice a week. I had a sponsor not too long ago who arbitrarily told me to go to '90 meetings in 90 days'...i said what about after that..with a smug smile she said...every day. yet she only went to 2 or 3 meetings herself. She also told me to get a job because 'everyone has to work' oh reallly...i am disabled..when i asked if she had a job she said..".um..no."..wtf???? and i really don't like people telling me what to do.lf i took her advice and went everyday i would be in a nuthouse due to a nervous breakdown right now from stressing over getting to a meeting everyday.
there is nothing in the big book that says go to 90 meetings in 90 days..that is rehab stuff they say there...it used to be 'back in the day' ONE meeting a week...i know some people who have over 20 years and still go everyday or twice a day...well..um.....i do work part-time now, and gas is expensive to go flitting all over to meetings so...
needless to say i dumped the sponsor and i go to aa when and IF i feel like it...last meeting i went to i felt about as welcome as a skunk at a garden party...everyone was saying how wonderful everyone in aa is..yet when i lingered after the meeting not one person spoke to me

least

If you are comfortable now, I see no problem. Go to as many meetings as you like, it is, after all, your decision. Do whatever works for you.

tommyk

The meetings will be there for YOU to attend as often as YOU feel YOU should.

YOU will find people there willing & ready to support YOU.

(Maybe think about attending some meetings for someone other than YOU...?)

Texasblind

I go on average 3 times a week. I used to go every day in early sobriety. As far as the BB, I think the sections detailing the steps are very inspired and helpful, sometimes I can take or leave the stories near the end.

I was watching Clerks 2 the other day and nearly spit my soda out when I heard Jay talking about being a good friend of Bill W. I had never noticed that before. Nice little reference.

justanothrdrunk

I treat the big book like instructions - almost like stereo instructions or something.

Here's how you do this, tab a - slot b, etc. If you don't follow the directions, you can still get the stereo to work sometimes - but it's often lots tougher.

For me, one meeting per week (at a minimum) is enough. I sometimes go to more. But I make every effort to never miss my home group unless I'm out of town or something.

Everyone is different. Some people need lots of meetings and some don't. And being early in recovery doesn't automatically mean one needs more meetings than someone with more sober time - IMHO anyway.

That being said, when I was in my first months sober it was hard for me to know if I was being honest with myself about how many meetings I needed. As an alcoholic, my brain lies to me. My alcoholism doesn't want me to go to meetings. That's why it was (early on) important for me to err on the side of too many meetings. I would talk with my sponsor as time went on and we would go from there. We're now in agreement that one per week is enough for me most of the time. I don't even go to the same home group as him any longer. And this is something else we discussed and he was okay with.

For me, it's all about balance. Too much of any one thing can be bad. Recovery is the most important thing in my life, sure. But my recovery should never place any sort of undue burden on me either. And by "undue burden" I mean it shouldn't have a negative impact on otherwise positive aspects of my life. I still need to spend time with my wife and family, spend time at work, get enough sleep, spend time with friends, etc.

Balance.

CrackQuack

I agree with this advice. North, I was kinda in your place when I was two months clean. I had no cravings, my withdrawals went quickly, I attended 28 meetings in 30 days (missed two due to illness), and then went about 2-3 times per week, and now I am lucky to get to one per week because I work two jobs.
I don't take everything the NA has to offer as gospel, and I STILL question a lot of the things they say/do, but I try to follow the program to the best of my abilities, despite these questions because my Sponsor has been clean longer and knows what she is talking about. First three times I tried to stay clean, I didn't listen. The first two I didn't get a sponsor and the last one I didn't listen to her. And I relapsed. This is, honestly, the longest I have ever gone without smoking crack in OVER 2 years.
But I would like to go to more meetings, I just can't go to the day ones around here because they hold them at a church RIGHT NEXT to my "favorite" copping place. It gives me the chills just thinking about it. I think I am too new to recovery to quite push that boundary yet, so I went online and did a search for online meetings, and came up with SR! So this is a wonderful place to come for support and help for your recovery!
I am glad you are here! Keep coming back! SR helped me, a LOT, the other night when I finally DID start getting the urges to use and it was really REALLY strong the other night. I came straight here and told on my addiction! I started feeling relief the instant I told. And the advice, comfort, and people relating to me really really helped a lot.

jamdls

Whatever works for you is what you should do. I didn't drink every day so I couldn't see going to a meeting every day and I didn't, I went 2-3 times a week for the first 2-3 months and haven't been back since and I've been sober for 19 months. AA gave me a good starting point and I know I would be welcome there if I ever again feel the need.