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Facing reality - introduction Hi all, Well here I am - registered up and ready to try to embark on life as a sober individual. It is time to look in the mirror and admit that I have a problem. I am a 41 yo mother of 3, married 18 years. A drinker since age 15. My dad was an AA member for over 30 years. It runs in the family. I tried to face this 2 years ago but managed to convince myself, again, that alcohol is not a problem for me. I do not drink everyday and do not get loaded everytime I drink. However, quite frequently, (and more and more lately) I find myself going off the deep end and not being able to stop once I start. It is a release for me and, as I don't do it all the time, always convince myself that I am not an alcoholic. My drinks are not normal, fluffy drinks - they are stiff as hell. I find myself drinking quite frequently to feel more comfortable in social settings or when company is visiting. I have a real hard time with "small talk" and fitting in. It is the guilt and shame that I feel after I tie one on that is terrible for me. I can beat myself up for a long time. I pulled a real boner this weekend and got totally smashed while entertaining my brother-in-law and his family. And, as I have this damn problem of feeling unable to "fit in" I have a prescription for Ativan which I stupidly mixed with booze. I really don't remember much of the end of the night and found myself trying to "piece" together anything dumb I might have done by quizzing my 13 yo daughter. It is so humiliating. I know I am disappointing my kids when I drink too much and I don't think my husband was too impressed either. It was hard to tell if he was mad at me yesterday or just hungover himself. He didn't mince too many words with me anyway. So, here I sit, feeling totally crappy about myself. I tried a few AA meetings a couple years ago but just felt awkward |
Hey Acer - Welcome to SR! You have come to a great place for support! Keep posting and let us know how we can help! Jomey |
http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/235...fehobutr4y.gif Hi Acer and welcome. When I first started going to AA I also felt awkward. But today it is those rooms that I feel the most welcome at. Hopefully you will give it another try. |
Welcome to SR! |
Welcome to SR Acer. I am remaining sober with just the help of SR and no face to face meetings. I don't do groups well. Good luck. You can do this if you really want to. |
Originally Posted by acer67
(Post 2192629)
I tried a few AA meetings a couple years ago but just felt awkward |
Welcome to the family and congrats on giving up alcohol. It will only get worse so you're smart to get rid of it now. |
:c009: Wow we have so much in common. Also mom of 3 & married almost 16 yrs. I know excatly how you feel about needed to have a drink or several to be around people & "loosen up" I used to even have to have a few before we could go to a movie, or go to dinner. And dont ever remember having company over & not having several drinks. but what really struck me is when you talked about "quizzing" the kids. I remember the last time I got really drunk, woke up & my oldest was PO'ed at me & said I totally embarassed her, in front of her friend. I then had to go quiz my 11 yo & ask what I did. That is the worst feeling in the world! Anyhow, I bet we can learn alot from eachother & all the great people here! :Val004: |
Welcome to SR Acer! I am happy you found us...You are in the right place and as others have said you don't have to be an AA member...It works for me and many others but SR is a must in my life... You are not alone with your struggles with alcohol...Alcoholism is a progressive disease, it never gets better...The guilt you feel and trying to peace the drinking episode together is common...You can tack on depression because alcohol is a depressent...Mixing addictive medication, and alcohol is dangerous...You could lose your very life... Sobriety is possible and the only way to live a meaningful life...Keep reaching out for support and keep posting... |
Hi Acer, Welcome! The thing with alcoholism is, that it gets worse and worse, unless you stop. There is lots of support here and you can do this, so keep reading and posting. |
He and welcome acer, I'm glad you signed up. :) |
Hi Acer, I am in the same place. I guess we just have to make that decision and then do it. I wake up every morning thinking about it and how "today will be the day" and then stop at the store on the way home everyday to buy a bottle of wine...or more. I have also quizzed my kids about what I did. But as my husband tells me, Time heals all wounds....now we just need to get the time in. |
I am sure , I have not problem with alcohol , alcohol have problem with me . Welcome :) |
I'm still trying to piece together my night. My daughter said that I was scaring her. Oh boy. Hubby is still a little chilly. I am so ashamed. |
Hi and WELCOME to SR. You've come to a great place for support and help in your recovery journey! I was an oddball as I couldn't wait to get to my first NA meeting (I am a crackhead), but I wasn't prepared for some of the things they do. Mostly, the hugging. I have a thing against being touched by strangers and I actually threatened to put a guy 6 ft. under if he touched me, when he offered a hug, but it didn't take long to get over my stranger affliction and I look forward to the hugs and the rest of my meetings. I love being around people who totally get me and can't be manipulated or tricked into thinking that my addiction will go away on its own. It's a huge relief, because sometimes I still try to manipulate, scheme, and talk myself into getting loaded. I've been clean for 71 days now, thanks to NA and SR. And my best guy friend. Though he's not an addict, and yes I have lied to him and manipulated him, he has come up with some really great advice, like today's advice. I clean offices for a living, and this one place I clean has NO CAMERA'S anywhere inside. I get that desire to sneak in a rock to the bathroom I clean quite often, because I know I could get away with it. No one is there but me, and I had been looking for ideas to help me get past that feeling. I usually wear an Ipod while cleaning. He suggested I wear a regular radio and listen to talk radio. He knows that all the stuff they talk about will get me fired up. I'll look funny talking to myself, but I don't care. It'll distract me and that is all that matters. LOL. Anyway, you'll find I am known to ramble. hahahaha.... I hope you feel you have found a home here at SR. I know I have. When I can't get to my NA meetings, SR has been a HUGE support and relief to me. I am so glad to have found this site! |
Congratulations, acer - you have it figured out and know what needs to be done. Be thankful for that. You can turn it all around and have a great life. No matter what lies ahead, it can be faced best when you're sober and clearheaded. I only wish I'd come to that realization many years ago, before I lost so much. I thought alcohol was helping me cope, but it was just the opposite. We are glad you've joined the family. |
When I was a drinker....I thought everyone who drank had blackouts What a shocker to find that was not true..:eek: Welcome to our recovery community acer67....:wave: |
Welcome to SR, this is a wonderful place. Keep coming back. You are not alone. Keep posting. |
I have been sober going on 4 months. I am a 42 year old mother, and I let too many of those night pass me by. My final night drunk, I did things I find repulsive in front of 2 of my children. I didn't remember them, my daughter filled me in. I do recommend you stop, because the stories only get worse. Welcome aboard! |
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