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Old 04-14-2009, 07:05 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 45

am I really be getting better??

OK, from Feb 27 09 to april 5 09 I was clean, I mean really clean not faking it this time. And Sunday the 5th I was feeling like crap all day just wanting pills but I figured the craving would pass. It never passed, and I ended up going to a family members house who had bottles of the painkillers that I love. So I snagged 10 of them, popped 3. Once they started to kick in I was feeling awefull This time they didn't make me feel better. Which has never happened before. I never had this guilt feeling that was stronger than the urge to get high.

Anyway that night I was driving around before an NA meeting, feeling so bad about what I did. I had over 30 days- more time clean than I ever had before. And I blew it... Then I had to pee, so I stopped at the grocery store oy my house, and I stood up from the toilet, reached into my pocket and flushed the remaining 7 pills down the toilet. I watched them go down with a sense of just... relief. So I went to my meeting feeling a little bit better that I got rid of them. By the way I have never ever flushed a drug in my life, I thought about it a thousand times, but could never bring myself to "waste" them..

I think this recovery thing is really starting to help me get a little bit better. I feel very hopeful that I don't need to use, at least today. I can get my clean time back and Iknow I can earn more than 30 days this time.
I'm at 8 days clean and I'm happy today, I think now i can share this slip up at me meeting.

Thanks, I just needed to get this off my chest.

I love you all, :ghug we are all miracles...
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Old 04-14-2009, 07:21 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: Dancing in the Light
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You can use this as a learning experience Ace, and move forward.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 04-14-2009, 08:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
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I think now i can share this slip up at me meeting.
Ace sharing that at a meeting will do 2 things, it will help you to come clean with the slip & it will also help some one who is thinking about using again to not do so!

Honesty is a huge key to staying clean and sober!!!!

When I was drinking I was lying! I was living a lie!!!

In order to stay sober I have had to turn my life around 180 degrees, in other words I had to go from being a liar to being honest!

The truth will set us free.

One of the neatest things about always telling the truth is you do not have to remember what you told some one if it is the truth.

When I told lies I had a hard time remembering them so when I started to tell some one that I had lied to something, they may catch me if I do not remember the lie, with the truth I never get caught because there is nothing to catch me in.
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Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006

Sober today thanks to AA
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