OK, from Feb 27 09 to april 5 09 I was clean, I mean really clean not faking it this time. And Sunday the 5th I was feeling like crap all day just wanting pills but I figured the craving would pass. It never passed, and I ended up going to a family members house who had bottles of the painkillers that I love. So I snagged 10 of them, popped 3. Once they started to kick in I was feeling awefull
This time they didn't make me feel better. Which has never happened before. I never had this guilt feeling that was stronger than the urge to get high.
Anyway that night I was driving around before an NA meeting, feeling so bad about what I did. I had over 30 days- more time clean than I ever had before. And I blew it... Then I had to pee, so I stopped at the grocery store oy my house, and I stood up from the toilet, reached into my pocket and flushed the remaining 7 pills down the toilet. I watched them go down with a sense of just... relief. So I went to my meeting feeling a little bit better that I got rid of them. By the way I have never ever flushed a drug in my life, I thought about it a thousand times, but could never bring myself to "waste" them..
I think this recovery thing is really starting to help me get a little bit better. I feel very hopeful that I don't need to use, at least today. I can get my clean time back and Iknow I can earn more than 30 days this time.
I'm at 8 days clean and I'm happy today, I think now i can share this slip up at me meeting.
Thanks, I just needed to get this off my chest.
I love you all, :ghug we are all miracles...