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Fallen Down

Old 04-14-2009, 03:26 AM
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I believe I can do this
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Fallen Down

Hi everybody. I made a very bad choice last Friday and lapsed out of nowhere. That makes two lapses since New Year's Eve. I had become a bit cocky as of late and had really let my guard down. I think I started believing that I had beaten this thing after 4 1/2 months and could start using my energies for other interests. Well, I was having coffee and reading the paper on Friday when I ran across the Weekend Life section. It talked about a new restaurant that opened and I just felt this very, very strong urge to drink. I moved to a different article, which was about bands that were coming to Milwaukee. The urge got very strong. I actually put down the paper at that point and took several deep breaths and tried to refocus my mind. I headed home and passed the liquor store. So far so good. I passed several restaurants and bars and was holding my own. Then, I pulled into the gas station and bought a six pack. What the %&*@????? Of course I drank the WHOLE thing and then woke up feeling ridiculously awful. For some reason I went back and purchased another six pack on Saturday morning, and drank 3 of them to take the edge off. I felt so guilty and demoralized, but poured the remaining 3 down the drain. So, I've abstained since Saturday. What a cunning and opportunistic creature alcohol is!

I wouldn't say I've learned anything new from this lapse other than that prayer and reflection is as important on my strong days as it is on days I have the urge to drink. It's like my exercise routine. If I don't work out on the days I don't play ball, I'm not going to be very effective. It's a lifestyle of sobriety. I fell down on Friday and Saturday morning, but I had let my guard down for over a week. My guard is up again, and so am I. It's day 3. . .
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Old 04-14-2009, 04:08 AM
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Hi Free,

Glad you are here and sorry you are starting over but your body and mind will continue to benefit from every sober minute you had. The dang disease is relentless and will catch us quick if we let our guard down, especially early on. I had to really stay focused for the first several months to keep my mind from going back to where it used to always go. Don't know if you have used or considered AA but for me this is where I was able to stay in the right mindset by going to a lot of meetings and getting involved with sober people of the fellowship. I also worked the steps which really helped.

If you have had trouble with relapses had you considered trying something different this time? I had to almost destroy myself through a very nasty detox before I really got serious about immersing myself.
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Old 04-14-2009, 07:38 AM
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Glad you came back Free.
I disagree, from reading your post it sounds like you learned a lot.
It sounds like you didn't really have a good time at all and I think that maybe that is the most important thing to learn.
If the drinking isn't providing a good time and the after effects are worse why bother doing it.
Good luck I am sure you will do great this time.
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Old 04-14-2009, 07:39 AM
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Hi Free,
I can relate to your story. I felt too secure in my sobriety after only a few months and found out that slipping was unfortunately easy (for me). It has been hard for me to stay on track again like I was. I feel much more humble right now and respect the immense pull of alcohol/drugs. I know I can fight that pull and win because of my sober time.

Congrats on pouring out those beers! You sound determined and aware, which is great. The best we can do is learn and move forward.

Best to you,

K
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Old 04-14-2009, 07:41 AM
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Actually I think you did learn something from this relapse.

We do not beat this disease in 4 1/2 months. It is relentless. I don't see the disease as a burden for the rest of my life, but I am aware that it is lurking.
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Old 04-14-2009, 08:45 AM
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Free glad to hear you poured them out, in AA we say that alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful and as you have seen it is. Many get that cocky feeling, you are not alone, I tried for many years to quit and stay quit on my own and never could pull it off, AA was the ticket for me. Helpiing other alcoholics get and stay sober in the fellowship is what I have found to be highly beneficial along with having taken the steps to keep me from getting cocky.

Today the greatest reminders I have that I have no business drinking again is the newcomers and the folks coming back from a relapse, they keep the memory of wused to be at fresh in my head.
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Old 04-15-2009, 04:30 AM
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I believe I can do this
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Thank you all! I am back on the wagon this week. I'm adding a morning prayer to my daily routine in addition to my evening prayer and gratitude list. Thank you for the AA recommendations too.
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Old 04-15-2009, 08:54 AM
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AA works great for me.....meetings are like classrooms
for living sober with joy.

BTW....AA members do go to concerts
restaurants and all sorts of social activities.
You will meet people who share your interest
regardless of what fascinates you.

I'm glad you did not go furthur down the drinking path.

Forward we go....side by side
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Old 04-15-2009, 11:58 AM
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Right on about the restaurants. My club packs about 50 people every Friday in a local restaurant. People sometimes hang around till 2:00 am just chatting. We tell new people to join us right away and the ones who do almost always wind up staying sober!
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