i'm confused....those who know me please read.
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
i'm confused....those who know me please read.
So finally after 6years i get the courage to grab my best mates hand, an do the dna test on my son, inevietably as we knew it would be, it came back 99.98%
my best friend Rex is the daddy of Jai, this in itself is beautiful an after an ensuing anger fit from dad lasting only a week ( which is better than the year it took over my being pregnant to begin with to come full circle) he has an i have faced up to us having a child together.
Now...this is a 15year long friendship, that has always had its moments of getting close to being a partnership, yet fear, non allowance of self to be loved on both sides, an a bazillion other reasons has always ended up in one of us running away yet never in either of us denying the fact that we love each other.
Now im in a relationship for 2 an a bit months with a wonderfull loving man, i know i could share my life with happily, last night he asked me to take some time, search my heart an be honest with myself an discover if i really want to be with him or if i have unresolved feelings for rex an might at some point, even if it takes years possibly go down the path of a full loving family life with him.
He believes i have a certain amount of denial around my feelings for rex
he wants to know my heart is his if we are to go any further, he does not want to be the one to stand in the way of something that could be a meant to be scenario, he says he loves me too much to see myself ripping myself off an settling for what i really dont long for.
Im all confused, i love this man, he treats me with the respect i deserve yet
since confirmation of rex being Jai's daddy i find myself asking if we could ever work it out together, for now theres too much water under the bridge, we both know this but we also know how many times our paths have come back to each other an this time its binded by a child, rex loves me he tells me this an shows me this often,yet has been completely unable to give of himself to me due to trust issues between us. (obviously) I know i love rex, i have done so for many years an if it wasnt for his innability to commit i probably wouldnt have ventured into a new relationship field, we had been to an fro'ing for some time before i met my current partner, my partner believes that this was the case because the issue of jai had yet to be dealt with an now that this is out in the open things will be different between rex an i.
i dont know what to do...
right now one half of me wants to run for the hills an forget m both,
the other half of me says to work the steps on my feelings an time will tell an just to let them both go an remain as friends now while i have this chance to, the steps will take me on the jurney i need to make me functional in a relationship anyway, deal with the baggage you know...
a bit of me doesnt want to let my partner go incase its the last chance i ever have at being loved, yet a bit of me wants to be a family with rex, a bit more than a bit actually.
my sponsor is unavailable, its easter sunday ive just returned home from seeing my mum an dad for easter with the kids an telling them about rex being jai's dad & they were stoked they love rex, i was meant to be going to see my sponsor who is round the corner from my olds place after but she cancelled due to unexpected family stuff, now im having to sit with all this an im lost.
i have no desire to use whatso ever, i just want some freaking peace in my mind, im handing it over an handing it over an still no relief....
my best friend Rex is the daddy of Jai, this in itself is beautiful an after an ensuing anger fit from dad lasting only a week ( which is better than the year it took over my being pregnant to begin with to come full circle) he has an i have faced up to us having a child together.
Now...this is a 15year long friendship, that has always had its moments of getting close to being a partnership, yet fear, non allowance of self to be loved on both sides, an a bazillion other reasons has always ended up in one of us running away yet never in either of us denying the fact that we love each other.
Now im in a relationship for 2 an a bit months with a wonderfull loving man, i know i could share my life with happily, last night he asked me to take some time, search my heart an be honest with myself an discover if i really want to be with him or if i have unresolved feelings for rex an might at some point, even if it takes years possibly go down the path of a full loving family life with him.
He believes i have a certain amount of denial around my feelings for rex
he wants to know my heart is his if we are to go any further, he does not want to be the one to stand in the way of something that could be a meant to be scenario, he says he loves me too much to see myself ripping myself off an settling for what i really dont long for.
Im all confused, i love this man, he treats me with the respect i deserve yet
since confirmation of rex being Jai's daddy i find myself asking if we could ever work it out together, for now theres too much water under the bridge, we both know this but we also know how many times our paths have come back to each other an this time its binded by a child, rex loves me he tells me this an shows me this often,yet has been completely unable to give of himself to me due to trust issues between us. (obviously) I know i love rex, i have done so for many years an if it wasnt for his innability to commit i probably wouldnt have ventured into a new relationship field, we had been to an fro'ing for some time before i met my current partner, my partner believes that this was the case because the issue of jai had yet to be dealt with an now that this is out in the open things will be different between rex an i.
i dont know what to do...
right now one half of me wants to run for the hills an forget m both,
the other half of me says to work the steps on my feelings an time will tell an just to let them both go an remain as friends now while i have this chance to, the steps will take me on the jurney i need to make me functional in a relationship anyway, deal with the baggage you know...
a bit of me doesnt want to let my partner go incase its the last chance i ever have at being loved, yet a bit of me wants to be a family with rex, a bit more than a bit actually.
my sponsor is unavailable, its easter sunday ive just returned home from seeing my mum an dad for easter with the kids an telling them about rex being jai's dad & they were stoked they love rex, i was meant to be going to see my sponsor who is round the corner from my olds place after but she cancelled due to unexpected family stuff, now im having to sit with all this an im lost.
i have no desire to use whatso ever, i just want some freaking peace in my mind, im handing it over an handing it over an still no relief....
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,151
Niks, just my opinion but I don't think this is something you can sort out "today". It's huge stuff and it's gonna take time to work through all your conflicting thoughts and emotions. Can you go out with Jai or do something that will take your mind of it for a bit? I understand you want it all sorted but sometimes, we need to let things settle down a bit in our heads before we act or react as opposed to "respond". Speak to your sponsor when you can (I know it's not today) or share about it at a meeting. Don't tie yourself up in knots - do you have other friends you could call?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you can find peace and love in your life. YOu're in a difficult situation and your conflicting feelings don't help any, but you're human and having opposing feelings is normal. Give it time. Be kind to yourself. Sending you lots of hugs (((Nikki)))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 983
Don't shut out the other man just yet. I think it's very honest of him to ask you to make sure that you've worked through all your feelings for Rex beforehand.
I picture this as a park bench moment, where you just sit and sit and sit and sit, and don't stand up until you've made a decision.
Good luck.
I picture this as a park bench moment, where you just sit and sit and sit and sit, and don't stand up until you've made a decision.
Good luck.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I may not be one of the ones you want to respond to this. But I am going to anyway.
Thats some big news. And sounds pretty overwhelming.
That would give me alot to rethink as well.
Like already said. Thats something that I myself would have to think on for awhile. Definately dont rack your brain. Just let it all soak in and let everyone involved take it in and see what happens.
I havent seen anyone say anything about your son and the father's realtionship. Does your son know this too?
How bout letting them build a realtionship first. If thats what you and your friend wants.
I am not trying to be the one going against the grain here. But I would be thinking about what is best for my son before I would be worrying about my own dilemma.
And I say that because of me not having a mother and my father being almost nonexistant in my life.
I would think it would be more about your son and him building a relationship with his father right now.
If thats what you are leaning toward.
All that stuff with you is important too. But this is big news for everyone involved.
Thats some big news. And sounds pretty overwhelming.
That would give me alot to rethink as well.
Like already said. Thats something that I myself would have to think on for awhile. Definately dont rack your brain. Just let it all soak in and let everyone involved take it in and see what happens.
I havent seen anyone say anything about your son and the father's realtionship. Does your son know this too?
How bout letting them build a realtionship first. If thats what you and your friend wants.
I am not trying to be the one going against the grain here. But I would be thinking about what is best for my son before I would be worrying about my own dilemma.
And I say that because of me not having a mother and my father being almost nonexistant in my life.
I would think it would be more about your son and him building a relationship with his father right now.
If thats what you are leaning toward.
All that stuff with you is important too. But this is big news for everyone involved.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I agree with everyone who is saying to take some time to sort it out. Always remember - sobriety is your #1 priority.
In a situation like this, it's okay to be confused - it's natural. The right answer will come in time and the steps will definitely help. There are many different ways that your path may take you - I look at the two scenarios and neither is bad...or your path may be something different all together. I just believe that as long as you are clean and sober, everything will be fine.
Take care of yourself.
In a situation like this, it's okay to be confused - it's natural. The right answer will come in time and the steps will definitely help. There are many different ways that your path may take you - I look at the two scenarios and neither is bad...or your path may be something different all together. I just believe that as long as you are clean and sober, everything will be fine.
Take care of yourself.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Hurry and indecision are your greatest enemies. What's the rush, Niks? Rex is your
best mate..and isn't going anywhere..and now he knows Jai is his. And wants to
be part of his life. This is going to be a transition..a good one..but Trish was right.
It will take time and some focus. This new love..will stick around if he really loves
you. The good ones do. Trust your path Nikky.
best mate..and isn't going anywhere..and now he knows Jai is his. And wants to
be part of his life. This is going to be a transition..a good one..but Trish was right.
It will take time and some focus. This new love..will stick around if he really loves
you. The good ones do. Trust your path Nikky.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hey Nikky - You and I don't know each other very well, and I am sure as heck not going to make any suggestions to you on what path to follow, but I will say a prayer that you find the serenity you need to do what's best for all involved. Take your time and take care of yourself....I know that feeling of "brain overload" can make us crazy! Jomey
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Nikki - I agree with espresso; this is not a situation that will be solved in a day. I understand how you feel as I have been in a similar situation. All I can say is give it time... Don't try and rush things sweetie.
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