really struggling today
I'm just a girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 170
really struggling today
hey all,
well I am on day 64 and I have been struggling all week. However, today has been the hardest so far. I have been going back and forth all day debating about whether or not I should/could drink. It just gets so tiring having that constant battle in my mind...one part telling me that it will be okay to drink because I have proven to myself that I can stop and the other part telling me that I know that drinking will just lead me back down that horrible path. It is just too much sometimes you know...sometimes more than I can handle.
well I am on day 64 and I have been struggling all week. However, today has been the hardest so far. I have been going back and forth all day debating about whether or not I should/could drink. It just gets so tiring having that constant battle in my mind...one part telling me that it will be okay to drink because I have proven to myself that I can stop and the other part telling me that I know that drinking will just lead me back down that horrible path. It is just too much sometimes you know...sometimes more than I can handle.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Recovery is hard! Every time I hear someone say they never had another craving from their very first AA meeting, I want to slap them.
You're doing great. 64 days without a drink!!!
Of course it's going to be hard. How long did you drink? You're not going to knock that addiction on the head in 5 mins.
I too get that little voice in my head telling me it's ok to drink. I say I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.
It's a hard path and no mistake. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time or one hour at a time if you need to.
The best thing anyone said to me about recovery is that we don't need to get through it with anything resembling style and panache - we just need get through.
You're doing great. 64 days without a drink!!!
Of course it's going to be hard. How long did you drink? You're not going to knock that addiction on the head in 5 mins.
I too get that little voice in my head telling me it's ok to drink. I say I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.
It's a hard path and no mistake. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time or one hour at a time if you need to.
The best thing anyone said to me about recovery is that we don't need to get through it with anything resembling style and panache - we just need get through.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
I'm sorry you're having a bad week.
It IS tough and it takes time and patience to get through those strong emotions. But, you will feel better. Try to do something to take your mind off drinking, even if it is just for a few minutes.
I'm sorry you're having a bad week.
It IS tough and it takes time and patience to get through those strong emotions. But, you will feel better. Try to do something to take your mind off drinking, even if it is just for a few minutes.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
So ten years of drinking is a lot of habit to undo! We get used to it being the answer to all our problems, or at least I did 
That constant battle you refer to is exhausting. Sometimes I just go to bed and pull the covers over my head. The easy thing to do would be to give in to it. I keep reminding myself that the voice of disease doesn't care about me, about my happiness or my wellbeing. It just wants me to drink, regardless of what it does to me and how it impacts my life and those around me.
Are you in AA or another kind of formal recovery?
That constant battle you refer to is exhausting. Sometimes I just go to bed and pull the covers over my head. The easy thing to do would be to give in to it. I keep reminding myself that the voice of disease doesn't care about me, about my happiness or my wellbeing. It just wants me to drink, regardless of what it does to me and how it impacts my life and those around me.
Are you in AA or another kind of formal recovery?
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I use to get like that all the time. Thinking I could get high again becasue everything was all better now.
It is a constant battle sometimes.
Your addict side is screaming at you.
Lieing to you. Manipulating and scratching at you to come back.
I dont think you want to have to go through all this again. Its not worth it.
You have done good.
But what have you proven? That you can stop for a little more than a month and then be right back to where you were. The same place that made you stop to begin with?
I dont mean that in a harsh way. You have proven alot by stopping. And continuing to fight. I meant that stopping for a short amount of time compared to the time you drank and then going back to it. Just because you stopped before isnt much proof except that you may not make it to try again.
You dont want to go back there.
Hang in there. It will stop. Try and find something to do. Something that will take your attention away from it. And not be idle with your thoughts.
Stay close. It will get better.
It is a constant battle sometimes.
Your addict side is screaming at you.
Lieing to you. Manipulating and scratching at you to come back.
I dont think you want to have to go through all this again. Its not worth it.
You have done good.
But what have you proven? That you can stop for a little more than a month and then be right back to where you were. The same place that made you stop to begin with?
I dont mean that in a harsh way. You have proven alot by stopping. And continuing to fight. I meant that stopping for a short amount of time compared to the time you drank and then going back to it. Just because you stopped before isnt much proof except that you may not make it to try again.
You dont want to go back there.
Hang in there. It will stop. Try and find something to do. Something that will take your attention away from it. And not be idle with your thoughts.
Stay close. It will get better.
I'm just a girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by chiynita 
But what have you proven? That you can stop for a little more than a month and then be right back to where you were. The same place that made you stop to begin with?
You dont want to go back there.
You dont want to go back there.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I added to that part after. I didnt want you to take it wrong. i am glad you relized what I was trying to say.
We are here to help you make it.
You will just let the beast loose.
I know I am tired of going back and forth with it.
It gets harder and harder for me everytime.
I dont want to fitght for my life again and again.
Not when it doesnt even have to be that way.
I make my own misery when it comes to drugs. Just by hitting that first hit.
It is in my hands to stop the madness.
I choose to be peaceful and do the right thing. And struggle in life for the things that will make my life worth living. Not struggle trying to keep getting high or not high.
Its such a vicious vicious cycle.
I have had enough.
I hope you have too. Stay close to us if you have to.
You can do it.
We are here to help you make it.
You will just let the beast loose.
I know I am tired of going back and forth with it.
It gets harder and harder for me everytime.
I dont want to fitght for my life again and again.
Not when it doesnt even have to be that way.
I make my own misery when it comes to drugs. Just by hitting that first hit.
It is in my hands to stop the madness.
I choose to be peaceful and do the right thing. And struggle in life for the things that will make my life worth living. Not struggle trying to keep getting high or not high.
Its such a vicious vicious cycle.
I have had enough.
I hope you have too. Stay close to us if you have to.
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
when i have that battle going on in my head, I have to change my thinking.
i have to think about something else or i will use.
I look at H.A.L.T. first and see if there is anything i can take care of there.
I consider going to a meeting, doing recovery work out of a book, meditating, just making a call to my kids to see how they are doing, or other things.
if the tug of war come back again in 5 minutes, then I know that I have to keep working on "changing my thinking". iF I keep thinking about it....at best it will be very exhausting and at worst i'll use again.
i have to think about something else or i will use.
I look at H.A.L.T. first and see if there is anything i can take care of there.
I consider going to a meeting, doing recovery work out of a book, meditating, just making a call to my kids to see how they are doing, or other things.
if the tug of war come back again in 5 minutes, then I know that I have to keep working on "changing my thinking". iF I keep thinking about it....at best it will be very exhausting and at worst i'll use again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: oshkosh wisconsin
Posts: 5
I am new to sober recovery and just completed my 28 day treatment program at Hazelden on Monday. I am 62 days sober and I understand your frustration. That greedy little ghoul (addiction) never really goes away and is constantly tempting us because it wants to be satisfied. I live in wisconsin- a good drinking state- and temptation looms on every corner. I have been praying consistently since I left treatment for courage, strength and hope to get through this. If you need to talk I am here.
it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
hey!
i really hope i get to talk to you on the chat later =]
my plans fell apart for my evening so i'm stuck doing nothing but netflix movies alllll night
i'll be thinking of you and praying you stay safe!
i really hope i get to talk to you on the chat later =]
my plans fell apart for my evening so i'm stuck doing nothing but netflix movies alllll night
i'll be thinking of you and praying you stay safe!
I'm just a girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by 123bubblegum123
hey!
i really hope i get to talk to you on the chat later =]
my plans fell apart for my evening so i'm stuck doing nothing but netflix movies alllll night
i'll be thinking of you and praying you stay safe!
i really hope i get to talk to you on the chat later =]
my plans fell apart for my evening so i'm stuck doing nothing but netflix movies alllll night
i'll be thinking of you and praying you stay safe!
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
Recovery may feel like a constant battle now but believe me it does get better. One day you'll wake up and the thought of drinking wont even be there anymore. I'm on day 308 and I can't pinpoint exactly when the desire left me. I just noticed that one day it wasn't there anymore.
Noone promised us it would be easy - but they did promise that it would be worth it.
Keep hanging in there
Noone promised us it would be easy - but they did promise that it would be worth it.
Keep hanging in there
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Hang in there, and don't pick up a drink, you will only beat yourself up tomorrow, and it will set you back. You have to look at the 64 days that you haven't had a drink, and then reward yourself with something healthy. You have come this far, there's no turning back now. You got past the worst part already. The craving is that miserable addiction, trying to rope you back in. Ignore it. That's what I did. I stuck it out. And the cravings have disappeared. 
Good Luck and God Bless.
Good Luck and God Bless.
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