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Old 04-11-2009, 04:16 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Like the pills in your hand


Hey SR peeps. How are you all doing?

Well, have been lurking a lot these past weeks so i thought i would give it a shot and come out of the dark here.

Quickly: been working a lot, fortunately. sadly, i am still on benzos and it is fu**ed and sick and i have been feeling like hell. I am on what is supposed to be a "regular" dosage (1 mg / day ) but it is horrible. I actually get days that i wake up with a million-bottles hangover from them and there are some days that i can handle sticking to the hours i have to take them (one at 10 and the other one at 6) but somedays i feel horrible so i have to take it earlier, then skip the one at noon then wake up the next day having to take it inmediatly or some days of skipping them entirely because i feel good, then back on them the next day. They are definitively not helping and the bottle sounds like a far best option at times, but somehow i have managed so far. So i am drunk daily on a two-pack courtesy of Roche. Never exceeded the daily amount but still, sometimes it feels like going for that extra one. Talk about trading addictions.

So far, the struggle goes on. Seeing a psyquiatrist on the 22nd to see if this mess can be fixed up somehow. Ten days or more to go and feels like a thousand of them.

Well hope everyone is doing well! Much strength and love your way.

Recommend some movies this way ; )
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Old 04-11-2009, 05:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi,

I am glad that you will be talking to your psychiatrist soon. Is he the dr who is prescribing these pills? If so, hopefully you can explain to him how you are feeling and that you want to stop taking them.

I don't have any advice to offer, but I hope you keep posting.
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Old 04-11-2009, 05:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi,

I am glad that you will be talking to your psychiatrist soon. Is he the dr who is prescribing these pills? If so, hopefully you can explain to him how you are feeling and that you want to stop taking them.

I don't have any advice to offer, but I hope you keep posting.
Hi Anna, hope you are doing well.

No, different doctor all together. Now i have a little more money so i just did some researched and ended up with who is supposed to be the best around town (well, he is pretty expensive, my insurance wonīt cover it and i was given this appointment like 8 weeks ago!). The insurance-appointed were nothing but prescription pad freaks with total disregard of anything else but just drugging you up and thatīs it, in my humble experience.

Just venting here, thanks for posting and all the best!
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Old 04-11-2009, 05:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Glad your posting and sharing how you're feeling. I've learned from experience that, unfortunately, the Psychiatrists are the one's who basically just write the Rx's, it's the Psychologists, Counselors . . . who you actually talk with. There's a big difference.

I remember one group of Psychiatrists in the area who I went to when I was using. . . they had a reputation for writing scripts for just about whatever a patient, who had the cash of course, wanted. I would walk in the room, could be telling him that I was a Mass Murderer who was drug dependent on Benzos and only killed when under the influence and he would have just smiled, nodded his head, handed me the Rx for Benzos and say, "See you in a month"

When I was using, they were an addicts dream, now, it frightens me to think of how many people go in there, cash or insurance card in hand, and walk out with whatever they want.

I hope you do tell the new Dr. how you are feeling. There are meds out there that do help with anxiety (which I assume you are taking them for) but don't cause the feelings of being high and drunk. And you're right, it's so easy to switch addictions from alcohol to Benzos or any other drug. That's why it's sooooo important that we all be completely honest with all of our doctors.

Prayers,
Judy
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Old 04-11-2009, 06:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I always thought that I knew everything about drugs. But, I just keep on learning something new everyday. Can you tell me what Benzo's are?
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Old 04-11-2009, 07:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Glad your posting and sharing how you're feeling.
Prayers,
Judy
Thanks for posting Judy.

Yeah, this guy is supposed to be really good and not the kind of pad freaks i have seen over the course of these last 10 years (also the counselors and therapists i have seen through medical insurance sucked big time and could only find a good one on my own - but was too expensive and at some point i could not afford it anymore).

Yes, honesty is key. So far the people i have seen just donīt get it no matter how honest i get. Last one saw my blood work and said "you are golden!" and i really did not stood up to him or anything (just my regular MD) so i took the benzos and the ride that came with it. I did had an episode that i posted in this thread and still did not managed to stay away from that dosage (not the washing them down with a beer). So there is more going on underlying and right now, i must confess that i am on surrender mode untill i see this guy, just keep up with the medication, stick to the dose and deal with the hell i feel i am in (hour in hour out).

This guy is getting the works. I was thinking even a timelime, short novel, notary confession signed by a lawyer, everything. Hopefully he will understand. If he is the best guy in the field and does not get it then i am f*cked! ; ) I am a very vicious person, i admit it and have always been blunt about not beign able to have control over any of them (booze, cocaine, pills, women) so now i am trying my best, and what is supposed to be working is not. So i will just have to work harder i guess.

Love and strength, thanks for the prayers.
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Old 04-11-2009, 07:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Benzos{Benzodiazepines** commonly used as tranquillisers.
Really need to be careful here, each person responds differently so a good
Doctors care and understanding is a must. Alcohol is a no no!
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Old 04-11-2009, 07:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I always thought that I knew everything about drugs. But, I just keep on learning something new everyday. Can you tell me what Benzo's are?
Hey there, sorry for the donkey response, here it goes: benzos

Anti-anxiety. I was prescribed them when i first got my beloved panic attacks when i was using cocaine heavily back in 99ī. I stopped doing lines, but then started using benzos, then i traded them for a disaster-esque relationship with a girl and then when that ended i went back to the bottle.

I was given them again to help with the w/d symptoms but somehow i got the whole anxiety / panic attack thing retriggered with me coming out of the hard nights at the bars and i stuck to them. Now the benzos are back in the scene and i feel totally dependent on them.

So, the endless wheel continues! What can i say. Thought the hard drinking out was the end of the line but now i have this. But is ok, it has itīs days, like everything else. But i need all these out and maybe try something else, i am not fond of medication that is why i donīt go overboard with it but still.

This has to have an end.
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Old 04-12-2009, 09:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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AlkalikeH, Thanks for explaining what Benzo's are. You will eventually realize that you don't need these drugs, and that addiction is mostly mental. You just think you need them. It's stinkin thinkin that makes you think you NEED pills to function. I have been there, done that. Been 100% clean for 4 years now. I thought I needed my pills, and I was afraid to stop using for that reason. But when I finally decided to stop, I realized that it was mostly in my mind, and that I felt fine. Good Luck to you. If you really want to get clean. You will. I hope you do it for yourself. You will be free, and so much happier.
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