jhay

I was thinking the same thing while lying in bed this morning but more of looking into the future. Like what the heck am I supposed to do when my birthday rolls around, a good friend's birthday etc.? I'm not anywhere near the point where I can go out where other people are drinking with me being strong enough to not pick up that first drink. When I first tried to quit I purposely set dates where I would allow myself to drink like the work Christmas party. That always ends in disaster. Just keep going to meetings and look at it one day at a time like I'm trying to do.

littlefish

At the end of a fantastic sober week last Friday, I had a using thought. I felt so darn good and super productive, I thought it would be great to sit down and relax with a glass of wine, celebrate.
Then I remembered that um....my life is so fantastic because I am sober. The stuff will really twist yer mind. I didn't drink, the feeling passed. I was also doing service at my AA meeting that night. By the end of the day I felt stable and strong again.
Man, sometimes those urges to drink are sly little devils.

fighttowin

ya thats how i have been feeling. try to tell myself it is ok and it is not

seemethrough

I use to do that all the time. Thinking that I got this under control and since I have proven how well I can control my drinking..I might as well celebrate with a drink. It's funny how our minds work sometimes.

scorpio1973

The behavior you speak of is called magical thinking and as addicts we feel that if we have been good (abstained) we deserve a reward. I use this scenario. Remember all of the consequences of using? I keep mine in the back of my mind (because I can't keep them at the front because it's too painful) and every so often I have to remind myself of all the misery my using has caused myself and those I love. Then I ask myself "Was it really worth it?"

cab31

oh i have totally done that. Its because in my brain the ultimate reward is still being able to pick up. How easy it is to forget the bad aspects of drinking and to savour the rewarding ones!

OZboy

I no longer drink,I no longer smoke! That's it,and I'm proud of it........

Maggot4Life

Well done Ozboy, that is the way to go

yeahgr8

Years of that behaviour, get drunk...quit smoking and booze from anywhere between 3 days and a week...feel better...repeat...what fun!

north

I stopped drinking for good at the start of February.

One reason I sought the help of AA was because of a very common pattern I saw with myself and also with my friends... abstaining for a month or even two would not be a problem, but even with full acknowledgment of how one felt and looked better, the first day back drinking would be done with an incredible counter-productive vengeance. In fact, that is exactly what happened to two of my friends whom for various reasons decided to abstain for the entire month of February. Monday March 2nd was not a pretty sight.

Sara9009

I did this the first time I became sober. At this point I had "only" been an alcoholic for a year. I quit for 6 months and after the first month sober I didn't really have a problem not drinking so after 6 months I figured it was just a phase and I am fine now.

We all know where that ends and a year and a half later I am now around 4 months sober. I absolutely know without any uncertainty that I cannot, ever, for any reason drink. If my addicted side which I call my addict troll says "Hey, just a glass." My reasonable side laughs and says a glass is not going to produce the desired effects I really want and what I really want is the whole bottle so why bother? Plus, I am not really in the mood to wake up with a hangover, the guilt, and the possibility that one night can easily become weeks, months, years, or worse... my life.

spiker

Oh my gosh this is so similar to me. I will wake up the next day feeling like hell, and check my wallet and pockets to see how much I spent, or if I even still had my wallet (I lost it once during a night out on the town). Usually I spend all the cash I had, and made a run to the ATM for more cash. I tip like a king when I am drunk. Those bartenders must think I make a lot of money.

Yes, every morning after. I have the guilt and swear to never do it again. Terrified that I drove home. On and on

It usually takes me 2 to 3 days to get over a really bad hangover and start feeling normal. Once I start feeling good again, I do it again.

Let me add that it was the normal feeling to be tired and hungover. Sober and clear minded was not the norm for my body. Being hungover was just a way of life. I was more hungover than I was sober. When I got too sober and energetic it was so strange. Then I would go drink away my health.

fernett

Sounds like a 'normal' alcoholic to me. Celebrated my thirty day coin(s) with one drink the first month, proved I had that control going, then about 4 or 5 at my next thirty day celebration. Half the time I forgot about the ATM visits, didn't make statement time too much fun.
Finally opened my mind and my eyes, understood the progression and decided I didn't want it. Sometimes I still think about what it would be like, but don't entertain that thought for too long

Newtosoberlivin

Oh, I know that feeling all too well!!!! Those thoughts are like a little devil on your shoulder, like that scene in Animal House, y'know? The devil on one shoulder is whispering "one drink, you're doing so well you deserve this!", while the angel on the other shoulder is talking sense to you, "no, it's just your twisted thought pattern, don't throw away how far you've come, you'll regret walking that twisted path again." I feel your pain! I still get the urges, but they are quicker now, and I'm able to stay busy doing something and they pass.

For every week that I stay sober, I reward myself with a small treat. It can be a latte I would not normally buy, a new lipstick, a new magazine like "People" that I lose myself in for an hour or more, give myself a manicure, something like that. Or I'll try a new NON-ALCOHOLIC beverage combo I have never tried before (like say ginger ale over ice with a bit of lemon juice, yummy on hot day!! But I ALWAYS use a tumbler, never a "drinking" glass like a wineglass, beer stein, or brandy sniffer, I refuse to drink out of such glasses, too tempting). It's really a simple change of habits, although years long habits are harder to break. Hang in there! With time I'm sure it gets easier!! But I have those days too, we all do, so take heart and stay strong!!

Mark75

On my way home from rehab I thought it be nice to celebrate with a beer!!

Thankfully the reward type urges went away fairly quickly. I just play the tape through.

Mark

Tazman53

I celebrated sobriety many times by drinking! Talk about insanity!!!

When I finally surrendered I took the steps and my sanity has been returned for today, I now know today is all I have and all I need to deal with.

flutter

Yes.. for years. Really happy I'm off THAT train!

Thentram

Hahaha, well said! Its amazing how you can turn anything into an excuse to drink. It really is funny that I manage to convince myself that drinking is a reward, yet it happens time and again.

shelly009

Yes yes yes!! But I always end up back in the same place... misery. I think this time I will try to reward myself with something much better!

hendershot

Count me in the category of the rest of you that used to do that a lot, and still have to guard against it. I think the whole "one day at a time" comes in handy in dealing with these kinds of things. It is good to take sobriety coins and the goal can be long-term sobriety but really all anyone has is just today. I tend to think of sobriety dates as a good reminder of where I am and was but celebrating them is more about the other people in the room. All we ever has is today.