Easter Reflection
 

I'm in the house on my own today, I get Good Friday off but my wife doesn't and my kids are at nursery, then tomorrow they're off to her parents for a few nights but I'm staying home.

This means I've the whole weekend to myself, mondays a holiday too for me.

These set of circumstances are almost exactly the same as last year, I'd the whole weekend to myself then too.

That is as far as the similarities for the weekend go though, last year I bought a litre of vodka on the friday along with some beers just as soon an the family left. This was to see me through the weekend.

The drinking wasn't a new thing ( those of you that know me will know by now that I was a half bottle of vodka every day man ) but the stash to get me through the weekend going so quickly was different. With no responsabilities the litre of voddie was gone by the saturday and replaced, this continued through the weekend and by the monday night with probably 4 litres of vodka drunk in 4 days it was apparant to myself that I wasn't going to work the next day as planned.

I actually did get in on the tuesday morning ( quite how I drove the car there I'm not sure but I did ), I claimed illness though and went home again, think I missed work the wednesday and thursday that week and just couldn't get myself feeling well again.

I'd got myself back onto just the half bottle of vodka a day that I knew I could cope with and thought things would settle down.

It was different though, I really needed that half bottle to perform anything, I felt worse than the normal hangover feeling I was used to coping with. I couldn't stop being sick, couldn't eat without drinking vodka first.

Other days were missed at work, until the weeks passed and finally on the 9th May I woke up, something clicked, I'd come home from work the day before early, sick again, I'd no intention of going in that day.

I'd 2 choices, either go buy a half bottle of vodka or do something else. My wife and work were worried about me. She reckoned I should go see a doctor, I did, now for newcomers out there I'd not reccomend this but I didn't tell the doctor the truth, I lied that I was stressed about work and needed some Diazepam to calm myself down. I never mentioned the drinking.

The doctor gave me 30 Diazepam tablets and I went home, I knew I was on my last chance, I either had to stop drinking for ever or face the fact I had to come clean to my wife and my boss at work.

The tablets got me through day 1, I found here on day 2 and here I still am, going strong, counting down to one year sober.

I still have half a bottle a diazepam tablets upstairs, I only needed them to get me through the first few days.

I've never admitted to my wife or work that I have a drinking problem.

Course I'm not nieve enough to think that they haven't guessed parts but as nothing is broken, I'm not gonna change it. Most folks I know now know I no longer drink, doesn't seem to be a big issue for them and although it was for me early doors I'm now pretty cool about being around alcohol or in places serving it and just accepting its not for the likes of me.

I'm happier, I can enjoy the kids, spend days as a family with no thoughts about wanting the day to end so I can get back tore into the drink.

So sorry about the long self indulgent post folks, just wanted to get this down, just in case the little voice starts speaking to me.

Ain't going back to that place, too much hard works already gone in and way too much too lose.

Thanks for sharing Fizzy.
I like reading stories like this and am glad you are doing well.
I still don't feel real comfortable being the non drinker but I am hoping that will change with time.

Awesome...
 

Hi, Fizz!

I found your post very inspirational - if only I could have your determination! I'm on Day 1 again and Easter is approaching with all its liquid temptations (being an Eastern Orthodox, I'll be celebrating Easter Day on April 19), but reading what you were so kind to share got me thinking to give sobriety another go. Although I live pretty close to Mother Russia, I'm not a vodka man - I drink wine (industrially, in terms of quantity), which usually elevates your BP. I also medicate with Diazepam (2 tablets of 10mg every 10 or 12 hours during Days 1 and 2), and withdrawals are beginning to pi$$ me off with their increasing severity. How did you pull it through? 'Coz for me, sheer willpower and benzos don't seem to do the trick just yet. Congratulations on your sober year and Happy Easter to you and your family!

Goob :egg21:

Fizzy congrats on the year and thanks for the share.

Bangoob have you thought about a program and support group? Trust me you are not alone in needing help in staying sober, the really great thing about a program is once one has stayed sober for a while the rewards of helping others to stay sober are priceless and make staying sober even more rewarding.

BTW I have heard a lot of recovered alcoholics speak of benzos as alcohol in pill form!

Benzos have thier place in detoxing, but have nothing to do in staying sober long term.

Your story brings back similar memories of my last weekend on the lash.
Congrats on coming this far and hope you have a good Easter.

Thanks for that Fizz. :)

Yes, Taz, you are 100% correct in all your observations. I wouldn't like to trade one addiction for another. I'm seeing a therapist 2 times a month, but as far as programs are concerned, unfortunately, the closest AA I know of is about 150 miles from where I live, and the medical system in my country is in complete disarray with regard to the addictions department. Plus, 90% of the people I know to abuse alcohol at least as much as I do won't ever even admit they have a drinking problem. I'm afraid that my only program is reading and posting on SR. There is, however, a private facility that deals with alcohol addictions called Nazareth-The Blue Cross in a city in Transylvania, but the program lasts 3 months, and I don't know what leave of absence I might obtain from work to attend this program, which, apparently, is the most modern and at the same time the strictest in the country. If I could give it a try, that would rule. Anyway, thank you very much for your genuine concern!

Goob

PS: On rereading this post it now seems to me that I'm fabricating excuses not to go, am I?

Congrats!

:Val004: Thanks for sharing Fizzy

Fizzy:hug:, congrats on your sober time and thanks for sharing here...

I'm so pleased to see your progress
:yup:
Congratulations......:cheer

Not going to pretend its easy Goop, but its not as hard as I thought it would be either.

Not convinced I did things right, I just seemed to get through 2 weeks, then 30 days, then 90 days and before I knew it 6 months.

Taz is right though, watch the tablets, you could just swap addictions. I only used them for a couple of days.

You can make it using SR only I reckon.

My 2 tips for what they are worth,

1. Don't relapse, I really believe you make it harder for yourself every time you do. I've seen so many people do so and while it might seem the easy answer on that night / day, pow, suddenly your back where your started and the people around you are up at 90 days or whatever. It really doesn't seem that long since I stopped drinking but if you'd said that to me last easter it would have been an eternity.

2. Respect SR, by that I mean have people on here that you treat the same as you would face to face. There's folks on here that I would feel I had let down if I was to pick up again. It helps keep me going.

Thank you for the comments everyone. We can do this.

Fizzy, that's just how I felt when I had my last binge, only it was Christmas time for me. I was so happy to have days in a row with no one to "watch me". How sad to get excited about becoming oblivious to our surroundings. As it was with you, there was a difference that last time. I feared death was near, I was losing my ability to do battle with alcohol, or make excuses for myself anymore. I do find that the memory of those final days becomes dimmer with every month, and I constantly have to revive it. Thanks for helping me to remember where we came from. Bless you Fizzy - I'm so happy for you.

It was really interesting to read this Fizzy.Thanks so much for sharing.It reminded me too of how I used to hate Easter-because on Good Friday here in N.Z all the liquor stores are closed.You can only get a drink at a restaurant.Then on Easter sunday they weren't allowed to open till 1pm.Well-I used to start drinking at 10am every day, so as Easter approached, Id start to panic.I'd have to stock up beforehand (going to different stores so 'no one would know' )but where could I hide all the bottles in the house so it didn't look obvious I was drinking so much every day?And what if I didn't buy enough to see me through till sunday at 1pm?

God-it was such a miserable existence.I am so grateful I'm not in that position now, but in another way I never want to forget what a dark place that was either.It helps me keep going sometimes.

Thanks again for your post.

Jules.

Thanks Fizzy. I have only caught bits and pieces of SR lately and I am feeling so blessed that I came on today. Thank you for taking the time to write this. We came on SR at nearly the same time and I have grown so fond of having you as a partner on this sobriety road. I am glad you didn't lose your hard earned days at that wedding at the castle. I knew the ghosts would keep you in line. LOL! You have a steadfast drive and I admire it Fizz. I also admire your family values that have really blossomed. I think that's our biggest reward in this adventure after all. I love to think of the trust I have regained from my husband and my son. I didn't think that would be possible, but it was. Love you and thanks again for sharing this awesome life story.

Oh and congratulations on your one whole year!! Yippee!! :egg12: Can't beat the singing eggs.

Fizzy, thanks for sharing your story and be proud of your accomplishment.

Thanks Fizz,
best post I've read! Happy Easter.........:bunny6:

Bit premature Horsie, I've still just under a month before I've been sober a year !!!!!!!!

Thanks though.

My footie team are away today so I'm driving my dad and myself down to the game.

Much better than sitting on me todd slowly killing myself with vodka I reckon.

For some reason I don't think your drinking status will change Fizzy. ;)

So here we are, its monday afternoon over here, Easter weekend nearly over and as expected no drink taken.

Its funny how simple things make you think though, fairly decent weather over here and I spent yesterday getting the garden look, well something like a garden I suppose.

Cut the grass and when I was finished I quite fancied a beer, one wouldn't do you any harm my wee voice said. Told the wee voice to git to though and on we went.

Guess we just have to get used to the fact that the wee voice never completly goes away however far on the journey we are.

I also think I can get quite self centred about things if I'm not careful, I read on here about some folks who have some serious health, money, family issues.

Makes me feel a bit humble when I moan about having a job i don't like, or thoughts about drinking and what not.

I have my health, my family, a home and a job, oh and a fitba team that is winning just now !!!!

And I'm sober.

Plenty to be grateful for I reckon.