whats your worst memories when you where high or drunk?????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: carlisle uk cumbria
Posts: 45
whats your worst memories when you where high or drunk?????
mine had to be 1..putting my drink before my woman and familly and i felt really guilty about what i was doing as i knew i was hurting the ones i loved
2 lying in my own sick
3 the shakes and feeling really anxious the next day
4 my money going going and nearly gone
5 nearly loosing my job
6 paranoid
7 agraphobia
8 derealisation
9 not looking after myself ,,eg washing ect ,,god i could go on and on ,,thank god im off the dreaded stuff ........keep sober everyone :praying
2 lying in my own sick
3 the shakes and feeling really anxious the next day
4 my money going going and nearly gone
5 nearly loosing my job
6 paranoid
7 agraphobia
8 derealisation
9 not looking after myself ,,eg washing ect ,,god i could go on and on ,,thank god im off the dreaded stuff ........keep sober everyone :praying
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by firestorm090 
The worst memory was thinking what a loser a fifty year old man is when he is sitting at the bar by himself, then I realised it was me looking at my reflection in the barroom mirror.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: TN
Posts: 58
Lets see -
The absolute worst was an auto accident. Bad. Rollover. I am shocked we did not get hurt beyond a few bumps and bruises. Fortunately it was a single vehicle accident, but my wife was riding with me and every time I think about that accident I realize I could have killed her, myself, or both of us. Then I think about our son being an orphan - he was an infant then and would have never remembered his parents. Booze is not worth that.
The crazy thing is, even that did not stop me drinking and driving. How stupid am I?
There are so many other regrets I have. Fortunately no permanent damage to anything or anyone important.
The absolute worst was an auto accident. Bad. Rollover. I am shocked we did not get hurt beyond a few bumps and bruises. Fortunately it was a single vehicle accident, but my wife was riding with me and every time I think about that accident I realize I could have killed her, myself, or both of us. Then I think about our son being an orphan - he was an infant then and would have never remembered his parents. Booze is not worth that.
The crazy thing is, even that did not stop me drinking and driving. How stupid am I?
There are so many other regrets I have. Fortunately no permanent damage to anything or anyone important.
it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
*waking up in the ER numerous times, feeling so ashamed and scared, and preferring to have not even woken up
*feeling all alone despite being in a room full of drunk/high people
*feeling hopeless and helpless - nothing will ever change, so what's the point?
*not having any faith in anything greater than myself
i've had quite a few low moments, these are the vague bottom memories though.
*feeling all alone despite being in a room full of drunk/high people
*feeling hopeless and helpless - nothing will ever change, so what's the point?
*not having any faith in anything greater than myself
i've had quite a few low moments, these are the vague bottom memories though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Pleasant Grove, Alabama
Posts: 50
Waking up one morning to get my kids ready and off to school and me work and having them furious at me and not knowing why. Then, my daughter, 12, tells me I picked her up from church the night before drunk and almost wrecked. My son, 14, tells me he's sick of me. This was in February.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 161
1. Drinking and Driving, never got caught.. But I could have killed someone or myself.
2. Putting the people who love me in pain.. Let people down.
3. The shape (lack of) that I drank myself into.. I used to be a good athlete in great shape, now I have to work my butt off to get it back..
4. Emptying my bank accounts..
5. Meaningless one night stands.. Some guys wives..
2. Putting the people who love me in pain.. Let people down.
3. The shape (lack of) that I drank myself into.. I used to be a good athlete in great shape, now I have to work my butt off to get it back..
4. Emptying my bank accounts..
5. Meaningless one night stands.. Some guys wives..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
A near blackout where I was verbally abusive and mean to my youngest son... that's when I could not excuse my drinking anymore.... I had managed to convince my self that my addictions were only hurting myself, until then. A moment of clarity I guess. That was the start of my long and bumby road back... Almost 7 mos now, that episode was about a year ago.
Good idea for a thread, I needed that memory today.
Mark
Good idea for a thread, I needed that memory today.
Mark
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
1. Getting my DUI about 8 years ago
2. Twice leaving my kids home alone to run across the street to the liquor store
3. Being so drunk I fell down the stairs at my house
These were pretty bad times.
2. Twice leaving my kids home alone to run across the street to the liquor store
3. Being so drunk I fell down the stairs at my house
These were pretty bad times.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
i think it's important to remember these moments... it helps remind me why i'm here, why i do the things i do today. i have "remember why you're here" written in the front of my big book. a friend of mine, wes, wrote it in his basic text and i copied it from him.
i think some of my worst memories were mornings after i'd cheated on my boyfriend. i would rationalize and rationalize that somehow that was okay since we weren't married, even though i loved him and i knew he loved me so much. hangovers - hours and hours of throwing up anything i tried to put down, bile, parts of my stomach. bruises and cuts i couldn't remember getting. phone calls i couldn't remember making. hitting on my friends, in front of my boyfriend, their girlfriends. falling down stairs, falling off curbs, falling down a mountain. not being comfortable unless i was hammered. calling everyone i knew to try to get what i needed. borrowing money, clothes, movies, books, etc. etc. and never giving any of it back. rationalizing how all of this behavior was okay - i'm young, i party, everyone i know does this. endangering my life, my dog, my friends, the lives of everyone on the road while driving in blackouts.
the worst, for me, was the awful realization that i had become this void of a person. totally blank, no usefulness, no purpose, no goals or dreams, no hope. completely void. null.
getting sober, staying sober, isn't easy. it certainly hasn't been for me. but the most beautiful thing, after all these worst-evers, is that i haven't had any of them for almost 3 years. i stay sober in AA. not saying it's for everyone, or that it's a cure-all, or anything like that... but my personal experience has been that getting into AA, getting a sponsor, working the steps, doing what i'm told, and doing this consistently (or as consistently as possible, i'm an alcoholic after all) has, literally, skyrocketed me to a fourth dimension with the big guy, with my faith, with everything.
sound cheesy? i don't care. if you lived my life, you'd do what i do. i don't want to ever go back to that hopelessness again, and i don't have to. and that is a miracle.
i think some of my worst memories were mornings after i'd cheated on my boyfriend. i would rationalize and rationalize that somehow that was okay since we weren't married, even though i loved him and i knew he loved me so much. hangovers - hours and hours of throwing up anything i tried to put down, bile, parts of my stomach. bruises and cuts i couldn't remember getting. phone calls i couldn't remember making. hitting on my friends, in front of my boyfriend, their girlfriends. falling down stairs, falling off curbs, falling down a mountain. not being comfortable unless i was hammered. calling everyone i knew to try to get what i needed. borrowing money, clothes, movies, books, etc. etc. and never giving any of it back. rationalizing how all of this behavior was okay - i'm young, i party, everyone i know does this. endangering my life, my dog, my friends, the lives of everyone on the road while driving in blackouts.
the worst, for me, was the awful realization that i had become this void of a person. totally blank, no usefulness, no purpose, no goals or dreams, no hope. completely void. null.
getting sober, staying sober, isn't easy. it certainly hasn't been for me. but the most beautiful thing, after all these worst-evers, is that i haven't had any of them for almost 3 years. i stay sober in AA. not saying it's for everyone, or that it's a cure-all, or anything like that... but my personal experience has been that getting into AA, getting a sponsor, working the steps, doing what i'm told, and doing this consistently (or as consistently as possible, i'm an alcoholic after all) has, literally, skyrocketed me to a fourth dimension with the big guy, with my faith, with everything.
sound cheesy? i don't care. if you lived my life, you'd do what i do. i don't want to ever go back to that hopelessness again, and i don't have to. and that is a miracle.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 1,138
Waking up next to my partner with her telling me i had beat her up the night before when i was in a blackout...
It turns out it was an excuse as she was seeing someone else... but i still dont know if I COULD have done that... i had never denied it because i couldn't honestly remember... the fear of never being able to prove my innocence... until she admitted it.
Being found in many a doorway passed out...
Coming out of blackouts sat on the pavement (many a time) at 3am
It turns out it was an excuse as she was seeing someone else... but i still dont know if I COULD have done that... i had never denied it because i couldn't honestly remember... the fear of never being able to prove my innocence... until she admitted it.
Being found in many a doorway passed out...
Coming out of blackouts sat on the pavement (many a time) at 3am
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Ok. You asked.
I'm bipolar. I wasn't diagnosed yet so no meds. I drank to self-medicate my mania. But that only made it worse.
One night, while very manic and after a fight with my husband, I went running off into the night. My brain was speeding a million miles a minute. I'd had a bottle and a half of wine - the big bottles. I couldn't turn my brain off. I was really scared and wanted to die. I walked down the middle of the street. I dropped my purse on the wet ground by the interstate exit. I kept walking. It was late and the street lights were blinking red. I didn't look when I crossed the four-lane highway. I wanted to get hurt. I was waiting for it. I kept walking. I started taking off my clothes. For some reason. I took off all my clothes and kept walking, barefoot and naked down the middle of the street. I was mumbling to myself and crying. Several cars passed me.
And then the cops came. I remember standing there naked, with the lights spinning around me and the policemen talking into their walkie-talkies. I noticed that I couldn't understand what they were saying. It was like they were speaking a foriegn language. My brain didn't work. When I tried to talk, I couldn't get the words out the right way.
They gave me a blanket. I don't recall getting to the hospital. The next thing I remember is the nurse helping me get into hospital clothes. I was still crying.
I stayed in the hospital for 5 days and got diagnosed bipolar and put on the right meds. Finally. After almost 20 years and 17 different pysch meds that actually made things worse.
But I still didn't quit drinking. It was another 9 months and several more similar episodes like this before I admitted I was an alcoholic. Before I finally surrendered and began recovering.
Please, let me never return to that place of confusion, hurt, and chaos. Let me always, always remember the pain of being drunk and sick so that I can constantly choose another way.
I'm bipolar. I wasn't diagnosed yet so no meds. I drank to self-medicate my mania. But that only made it worse.
One night, while very manic and after a fight with my husband, I went running off into the night. My brain was speeding a million miles a minute. I'd had a bottle and a half of wine - the big bottles. I couldn't turn my brain off. I was really scared and wanted to die. I walked down the middle of the street. I dropped my purse on the wet ground by the interstate exit. I kept walking. It was late and the street lights were blinking red. I didn't look when I crossed the four-lane highway. I wanted to get hurt. I was waiting for it. I kept walking. I started taking off my clothes. For some reason. I took off all my clothes and kept walking, barefoot and naked down the middle of the street. I was mumbling to myself and crying. Several cars passed me.
And then the cops came. I remember standing there naked, with the lights spinning around me and the policemen talking into their walkie-talkies. I noticed that I couldn't understand what they were saying. It was like they were speaking a foriegn language. My brain didn't work. When I tried to talk, I couldn't get the words out the right way.
They gave me a blanket. I don't recall getting to the hospital. The next thing I remember is the nurse helping me get into hospital clothes. I was still crying.
I stayed in the hospital for 5 days and got diagnosed bipolar and put on the right meds. Finally. After almost 20 years and 17 different pysch meds that actually made things worse.
But I still didn't quit drinking. It was another 9 months and several more similar episodes like this before I admitted I was an alcoholic. Before I finally surrendered and began recovering.
Please, let me never return to that place of confusion, hurt, and chaos. Let me always, always remember the pain of being drunk and sick so that I can constantly choose another way.
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
-The repeated lying to important people in my life to cover for my use, especially my sober significant other at the time, who I lied to every other day, "No, I am not high. I am just spedning time alone.
-The isolation, and constant chase for a revisit to the "magical" high that never came back. The non-acceptance of reality.
-The isolation, and constant chase for a revisit to the "magical" high that never came back. The non-acceptance of reality.
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