Taking everything in me to resist the urge...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
Taking everything in me to resist the urge...
Well, tonight isn't exactly my best night. Been holding so much in for so long and feel like I'm about to bust. I'm so tempted to just go out and drink my ass off and forget about it all for the moment.
It's taking everything in me to fight and resist the urge to do this. I've just locked myself up in my room away from everyone and everything and cut the music up and trying to stick around here to keep from giving in. I'm just going to have to take things a moment at a time right now. I'm reminding myself that it might make me "feel better" for the moment but I'll be feeling more like sh*t first thing in the morning. This will eventually pass and it is possible to make it through. I'm just trying to keep occupied to help making it through a little more tolerable.
I don't know, I know I shouldn't be holding stuff in and all because it's a big trigger for me, but don't ever want to talk to anyone because I feel like I'm being a burden to someone and that I'm not worth the help or having someone to talk to. I don't really know how to say it, but guess it's because I feel less than adequate and that everyone is better than me and that I do deserve the worst from life, the most pain in life. Oh well, I'm sorry for just rambling on and wasting the time of those who stop and read this. Just have to remember that "this too shall pass." Sorry again for the rambling and thanks for letting me share.
Wes
It's taking everything in me to fight and resist the urge to do this. I've just locked myself up in my room away from everyone and everything and cut the music up and trying to stick around here to keep from giving in. I'm just going to have to take things a moment at a time right now. I'm reminding myself that it might make me "feel better" for the moment but I'll be feeling more like sh*t first thing in the morning. This will eventually pass and it is possible to make it through. I'm just trying to keep occupied to help making it through a little more tolerable.
I don't know, I know I shouldn't be holding stuff in and all because it's a big trigger for me, but don't ever want to talk to anyone because I feel like I'm being a burden to someone and that I'm not worth the help or having someone to talk to. I don't really know how to say it, but guess it's because I feel less than adequate and that everyone is better than me and that I do deserve the worst from life, the most pain in life. Oh well, I'm sorry for just rambling on and wasting the time of those who stop and read this. Just have to remember that "this too shall pass." Sorry again for the rambling and thanks for letting me share.
Wes
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: VA
Posts: 7
No sorries at all Wes. I know the feeling of the urge, and music definately helps me. Sometimes it's great to use your energy (negative or positive) artistically as well, drawing, music, poetry...I know for me it is a good medium to channel my heightened energies. Never think you deserve worse or are less than someone else, you are what you believe you are, not what someone else says you are.! Keep strong.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Sorry Wes, but those urges will come and go and sometimes there's not even a reason for it. My tool of choice is to read my first few posts in order to remember why I decided to take this tough choice of staying sober versus drinking every single night. Here's yours and I hope it helps.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2095171
And to be fair, here is my first post.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-morning.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2095171
And to be fair, here is my first post.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-morning.html
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
There is nothing to be sorry about.
You are not a burden to anyone here.
This is what we are here for. To help each other through times just like this.
If it helps to keep talking. Do it. We are here and ready to listen and support you.
You are worth it and not less than anyone.
Drinking is just gointo make you feel worse. Probably make you more depressed and you wont enjoy it.
Then all the crap feeling when you sober up. The money spent. Its pointless.
Keep posting and reading.
As much as you need to. Vent , rant, talk it out. But dont go drink. You can make it and it is very possible to get through it.
You are not a burden to anyone here.
This is what we are here for. To help each other through times just like this.
If it helps to keep talking. Do it. We are here and ready to listen and support you.
You are worth it and not less than anyone.
Drinking is just gointo make you feel worse. Probably make you more depressed and you wont enjoy it.
Then all the crap feeling when you sober up. The money spent. Its pointless.
Keep posting and reading.
As much as you need to. Vent , rant, talk it out. But dont go drink. You can make it and it is very possible to get through it.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by CoF1984 
I don't know, I know I shouldn't be holding stuff in and all because it's a big trigger for me, but don't ever want to talk to anyone because I feel like I'm being a burden to someone and that I'm not worth the help or having someone to talk to
Open up and talk to someone, you will be amazed at what happens. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
You know what helps me feel better?
To share what it was like when i drank.
What happened to me while drinking.
Where im at now.
When i do that everyday, i dont have time
to think about drinking.
And it helps the newcomer just getting
clean or sober to know they r not alone.
It gives them hope just like when i read
ur shares it continues to keep me sober
one day at a time.
To share what it was like when i drank.
What happened to me while drinking.
Where im at now.
When i do that everyday, i dont have time
to think about drinking.
And it helps the newcomer just getting
clean or sober to know they r not alone.
It gives them hope just like when i read
ur shares it continues to keep me sober
one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 49
Hi Wes!
I didn't read how long u have been sober now but whatever amount of time you have is too precious to give for that first drink.
I will be sober for 30 days this Thursday, it also marks the first day that I came to SR...I relied heavily and still do on the friends that I have made and the posts.
I, personally, am going the AA route with meetings and like you, was absolutely terrified but I have to tell you, I cannot wait until my Friday meeting to get that 30 day chip. This is an awesome opportunity to reinvent yourself, I have alot of stuff that I have pushed down over the years, my trigger too, however, once you can look around and know that your story is not so weird, you are special in a whole new way, not like some pariah.
Hang in there, I have had some cravings lately as well, just got to ride it out, I am eating a lot of sugar and now have the idea of another program, overeaters anonymous to contend with....LOL!!
Stay Strong!
I didn't read how long u have been sober now but whatever amount of time you have is too precious to give for that first drink.
I will be sober for 30 days this Thursday, it also marks the first day that I came to SR...I relied heavily and still do on the friends that I have made and the posts.
I, personally, am going the AA route with meetings and like you, was absolutely terrified but I have to tell you, I cannot wait until my Friday meeting to get that 30 day chip. This is an awesome opportunity to reinvent yourself, I have alot of stuff that I have pushed down over the years, my trigger too, however, once you can look around and know that your story is not so weird, you are special in a whole new way, not like some pariah.
Hang in there, I have had some cravings lately as well, just got to ride it out, I am eating a lot of sugar and now have the idea of another program, overeaters anonymous to contend with....LOL!!
Stay Strong!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
HideorSeek just posted a great thread on her recent relapse and how it was just NOT worth it. I've been having a few cravings myself and needed to read that. Read it, if you haven't already. It's called "when a drink seems like a good idea". Keep resisting the lies your alcoholic voice is telling you. No matter what's wrong, drinking will only make it worse. Stay strong, you can do it!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 252
Wes,
When I was at my lowest, you were there, and without hesitation, helped me get out of a deep rut. You didn't have to do that and I'm forever greatful. Please don't come down on yourself because as a person, you deserve the best from life.
You're about to celebrate 60 days (or you're there already) and you should be very proud of your accomplishment. Hang in there my friend, you'll get through this - keep strong.
Roy
When I was at my lowest, you were there, and without hesitation, helped me get out of a deep rut. You didn't have to do that and I'm forever greatful. Please don't come down on yourself because as a person, you deserve the best from life.
You're about to celebrate 60 days (or you're there already) and you should be very proud of your accomplishment. Hang in there my friend, you'll get through this - keep strong.
Roy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
Thanks everyone for the support and help...some good points made for me to keep in mind. And today will make day 61 and that's a lot of time I don't want to throw away. I've pulled out my bass guitar practicing some things and writing some music to help keep busy while reading on here and all. Thanks all for the support and words of encouragement. Still struggling with the urge...but keeping myself busy with better things than drinking (being here and my music.)
Wes
Wes
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Today, you CAN do this. You have to teach yourself how to get through the crappy part....and when you do, you'll feel Great!
Take a shower, have a snack....keep posting, but please, don't drink. It's just not worth it.
Take a shower, have a snack....keep posting, but please, don't drink. It's just not worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
I have to thank everyone once again for keeping me on the right track and giving me so many good things to keep in mind and meditating on. The urge has started becoming less and less bothersome. I'm starting to feel a bit better and think I'll be able to sleep it off. Which is good. At least I can go to bed knowing I didn't give in to this disease and can wake up with no regrets and no hangoever. Thanks all for the support and encouragement and helping me make it through this. Guess I still have a lot of stuff I have to work out, but hopefully between being here and my sponsor at AA can help me work through some of this stuff so I can finally let stuff go rather than keeping it all bottled in me ready to explode. But, with all that said, thanks again to everyone. And hope everyone has a good night. I'm going to try heading to bed and be ready to face a brand new day when it gets here. I hope to see all you wonderful people tomorrow. Much <3 for my SR family.
Wes
Wes
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Its ok to get "thirsty"...sometimes wes......
Makes sense to get like that sometimes after years of alcoholism..
I think its important to keep playing that tape to the end though
Alcoholism tricks us into thinking that it will be different... this time and it never was or will be.
Alcoholism dont want us to look at the end of the tape....the bit with the dry retching in it or sweating..trembling...seizures...scared of your own shadow and despising yourself.......cos thats the reality..
I remember being hooked up to a drip in hospital after primary detox thinking "ive got to eat properly when drinking"....hows that for denial.
Praying for the "obsession to leave me" helped at lot.
And involving myself with my sponsor and the steps was also the key to freedom for me.
god be with you my friend............trucker
Makes sense to get like that sometimes after years of alcoholism..
I think its important to keep playing that tape to the end though
Alcoholism tricks us into thinking that it will be different... this time and it never was or will be.
Alcoholism dont want us to look at the end of the tape....the bit with the dry retching in it or sweating..trembling...seizures...scared of your own shadow and despising yourself.......cos thats the reality..
I remember being hooked up to a drip in hospital after primary detox thinking "ive got to eat properly when drinking"....hows that for denial.
Praying for the "obsession to leave me" helped at lot.
And involving myself with my sponsor and the steps was also the key to freedom for me.
god be with you my friend............trucker
it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
Co,
I think your honesty is really amazing. I just had a bad relapse and let me just say it is soooooo not worth it. Any bad emotion you are feeling will either a) just be amplified by using or b) get better for a very brief amount of time and then you'll feel even worse than before when you come down.
Use your coping skills to stay strong and get through this. It's okay. I'm praying for you.
Rach
I think your honesty is really amazing. I just had a bad relapse and let me just say it is soooooo not worth it. Any bad emotion you are feeling will either a) just be amplified by using or b) get better for a very brief amount of time and then you'll feel even worse than before when you come down.
Use your coping skills to stay strong and get through this. It's okay. I'm praying for you.
Rach
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Glad you are feeling better.
You made a great effort and it worked.
You reached out and your making positive decisions.
Be proud. Maybe it being sort of a milestone is why your having trouble. I could be wrong. I know sometimes people get a little down and stuff arounf those times. I know I did before.
Glad you made it tonight. Sleep well.
You made a great effort and it worked.
You reached out and your making positive decisions.
Be proud. Maybe it being sort of a milestone is why your having trouble. I could be wrong. I know sometimes people get a little down and stuff arounf those times. I know I did before.
Glad you made it tonight. Sleep well.
I'm just a girl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 170
hey Wes,
I have been feeling the same way all day. Tomorrow will be day 60 for me and I agree with you that it isn't worth all the hard work just to throw it away like that. You have been a constant encouragment here on this board and you could never be a burden. Hang in there...you are doing great!
I have been feeling the same way all day. Tomorrow will be day 60 for me and I agree with you that it isn't worth all the hard work just to throw it away like that. You have been a constant encouragment here on this board and you could never be a burden. Hang in there...you are doing great!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Today is here. Not yesterday and not
tomorrow. JUST TODAY. Dont look forward
and not backwards. That makes staying
in the day a little easier.
Have you changed a few things today?
Like, no alcohol or drugs in the house
so if the urge beomes strong again
then the temptation wont be there
to reach for.
That way u can have time to either
pick up the phone and call someone
or come here to SR.....there r other
healthier ways to cope besides reaching
for a drink or drug. Right?
Staying away from people places
and things that has anything to
do with drinking or drugging.
No bars, no alcohol isles at the
grocery store, no friends houses
where alcohol or drugs is readily
available.
Seems tough doesnt it? Well, just
for today u dont have to give into
the temptations.
Keep sharing ur experiences with
us here or at a meeting or one
on one with someone about what
happened to u when u drank or
drugged. Letting others now that
what u did stopped working for
u.
It got u into more trouble than u
expected. how did it make u feel
when u drank?
A newcomer is here too to learn
from us how to not drink or drug.
How to stay in the day. What to do
other than go to bars or other places
that would tempt us to go back out.
Ur experience can definitely help someone
else just coming in to recovery.
You may not thing so, but it does.
Shaing gets u out of ur own thinking
and poor me's and gives u a purpose
now in life.
My soul purpose in life is to share
my own ESH with the newcomer
in order to stay sober myself.
So far it has worked for some 18
yrs. of one days at a time collected
together.
tomorrow. JUST TODAY. Dont look forward
and not backwards. That makes staying
in the day a little easier.
Have you changed a few things today?
Like, no alcohol or drugs in the house
so if the urge beomes strong again
then the temptation wont be there
to reach for.
That way u can have time to either
pick up the phone and call someone
or come here to SR.....there r other
healthier ways to cope besides reaching
for a drink or drug. Right?
Staying away from people places
and things that has anything to
do with drinking or drugging.
No bars, no alcohol isles at the
grocery store, no friends houses
where alcohol or drugs is readily
available.
Seems tough doesnt it? Well, just
for today u dont have to give into
the temptations.
Keep sharing ur experiences with
us here or at a meeting or one
on one with someone about what
happened to u when u drank or
drugged. Letting others now that
what u did stopped working for
u.
It got u into more trouble than u
expected. how did it make u feel
when u drank?
A newcomer is here too to learn
from us how to not drink or drug.
How to stay in the day. What to do
other than go to bars or other places
that would tempt us to go back out.
Ur experience can definitely help someone
else just coming in to recovery.
You may not thing so, but it does.
Shaing gets u out of ur own thinking
and poor me's and gives u a purpose
now in life.
My soul purpose in life is to share
my own ESH with the newcomer
in order to stay sober myself.
So far it has worked for some 18
yrs. of one days at a time collected
together.
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