want2stopnow

my marriage is in the toilet. I have asked my husband to please support me and don't drink around me. I have also asked him to please attend aa meetings with me. He said that I should take care of myself and don't worry about him. He also has a drinking problem. Our finances are messed up. I take days off of work because of my brutal hangovers. I feel so alone. I told him today that I am leaving b/c this relationship is toxic for me. He doesn't care at all. I think he's actually happy that he finally pushed me out the door. We haven't slept in the same bed in a year. I am going mentally insane. I feel horrible and so alone.

Aysha

I am sorry your not getting support like you want.
But really. He is right. As much as it hurts. You need to take care of yourself.
Obviously he isnt willing to meet you even half way.
I know its hard. And maybe getting away will be best for you and your own recovery.
I really dont know what to say.
Just focus on yourself and how your going to get you better and healthy.
Then worry about all the other stuff when you are more clear headed and emotionally sound.
Just dont pick up anymore. That is just making it all worse. Especially mentally and emotionally.

want2stopnow

Yes you are right. I need to take care of me. I hate the way I am feeling right now so it's really hard to think straight. I am hurting badly to have someone that has been in my life for fourteen years and not care. I hate alcohol with a passion. It's the devils drink. It has ruined my life. I need to take over now and take care of myself. I hope and pray that this will be the last time. I am so miserable right now.

Aysha

It can be the very last time you have to feel like this. For that reason especially.
Feel your feelings. Scream and cry if you must. But dont drink.
I know its hard right now. But stay positive as you can.
If he wants to live like that. Better to get out and save yourself.
Why stay in the hole with him?
I know it hurts like hell to have someone you have been with act like that. Its like you dont even know that person anymore. At least it was for me.
And it was so confusing and frustrating to try anfd understand how after so long together. They could act so non chalant like. And not care.
Maybe thats the alcohol taking it toll on him. Be glad you can feel something.
You can do it.
And you are so worth it.

Lenina

Chiy has good advice. Take care of yourself. Relapse can be very educational. Learn from it and keep moving forward.

Love,

Lenina

least

I agree that you should focus on yourself. Get yourself better. The relationship is toxic to you, and much as it will hurt at first, you need to get away and work on bringing some peace into your life. And remember, there's nothing so bad that drinking can't make it worse. Don't pick up that first drink, it will make you sick and miserable before it kills you.

I wish you the best. You can do this. Be strong and do this for yourself.

:ghug3

want2stopnow

It's hard really hard to be in a loveless marriage and on top of that married to an alcoholic like me. I will not pick up a drink today and every day I will say the same thing. I've got to get sober before it kills me. i can already feel the damage that is doing to my health. There's got to be a better way to live than how I have been living. Miserable and hurting all the time. I come here because I know that I will get people who don't even know me care about what I am going through. Thank you all for having such a kind heart.

Anna

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you. As others have said, you really do need to focus on yourself and then the rest of your life will fall into place.

I come here too, because people understand. We do know how difficult this is.

Aysha

We have all been there some way or another.
There is most definately a much better way of living.
And where your at now isnt it.
Things run their course sometimes. So best to move on.
Give yourself some time to heal and clear your head.
Time is a great healer.
Patience is a SOB tho sometimes. But it is important to have.
You will get there. Just keep moving forward and doing the next right thing for you and only you.

CarolD

Many of us had false starts on our way to solid recovery.

Yes! you too can quit and enjoy a new healthy future.

Rad44

I find that if I don't make my Sobriety the Number One Priority in my life, that leaves me with nothing by emptiness and despair. Sobriety is the one pre-condition that everything else is built on. Ii's not an easy road but the rewards are limitless.

keithj

From AA's Big Book, Chapter 7. Might want to change the gender around.

"He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job — wife or no wife — we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."

jamdls

There is good advice here, take care of yourself get out of the co-dependent relationship. I had to eliminate most everyone from my life to gain sobriety and I am happier alone and sober than I ever was before.

Judy

Tazman53

want2stopnow, hon as already said focus on your self. Get to a meeting and get with the ladies, I can assure you that you are not alone in this.

I know several women in the rooms who had to leave a toxic relationship in order to simply live!!!

Today they have rebuilt thier lifes, they are sober and thier ex is simply left in the dust.

Focus on your self and if need be you may want to double dip and go to Alanon to learn how to deal with or without your spouse.

Keep your sobriety NUMBER 1!!!!

If there are any ladies only meetings it could be well worth your whil;e to go and just put it out there.

You are not alone in your alcoholism nor are you alone in having an alcoholic spouse.

RiceChex

Sorry to here about your problems with the hubby. It is lonely when you are trying to go through this journey and your life partner seems to have no interest. The person who is suppose to be in your corner has deserted you. I am going through a very similar situation, except my husband is not a drinker, just a selfish SOB. I understand your pain and want you to know that there is a way out of this dark place you are in. It took me a while to realize that I don't need his sympathy or help in order to get well. Dealing with him and his selfishness only made me more sick. I prayed and prayed that I would be able to regain my confidence and stand on my own to feet without him in order to make me better. My prayers were answered and I am finally headed down the road of recovery with those people who love me and support me. Of course, you wish that he would jump on board, but you cannot put your recovery on hold for his sake. I am at the beginning of this long journey but I am finding more strength daily to deal with my life and it's situations. I do still love and live with him, but he has no place in my heart or life right now, I don't think he deserves it. We sleep in separate beds and it still makes me ache, but one day I pray I will find the right answer and put an end to this insanity. As I see it right now, he needs me to be a mother to our children and take care of all the stuff that goes along with being a mother and putting a roof over our heads. I do not need him though, Not financially, not emotionally, and not physically. I have found the strength to learn to live my life without his help. Yes it is hard, but is it worth it, definitely. One day he may come around and want to be a part of this family, but it might be too late. You can do this recovery thing on your own all you have to do is want it and surround yourself with people who truly love you. I know it is hard because the one person you want by your side has vanished. This is a difficult journey and it is much more difficult when the man you love seems to not love you back. But it is possible, just keep up the hope and faith and this to shall pass.