There is a Friends and Family support board on here as well, just so you know.
I nearly drank myself to death over a long period of time and it was situations in my life that happened to get me to the point where it had to be enough for me. Trying to stop drinking or doing drugs is hard. I don't know how to explain it. I can tell you that long ago before it was a "problem" for me I wondered what the deal was with people who were addicted. After my own struggles I can tell that I was indeed a very sick person. It was horrible, I wanted to stop but couldn't. So glad I am not there today.
I had a lot of support from SOME family and friends which was a great help. My X (our marriage wasn't well for years however) served me with divorce papers. This you may understand a little. I was mad at him then, however I'm so glad I'm not married to him now, that marriage/relationship was a sick one and if I ever go back................. heh, I know I'd relapse, so NO MORE!!!!!!!!! My life is better today and I've been sober for 1 1/2 years now.
You should be focused on you. Four years is a long time so I can understand why you feel how you feel but YOU deserve a better life as well. You deserve someone that's healthy and who wants to have a healthy relationship with you.
I have yet to go to an Al-Anon meeting but I hear they're great. Even if you two are no longer together you may be able to go, raise your hand and share what's going on with you and I bet a lot of people there will be able to support you and give you insight. The great thing about this program is that there are resources for everyone so we can all move forward to our greatest goal which is to be in a better place.
My best to you.