why did you stop your adiction ?????
I stopped smoking crack first off, because I was tired of living the lie. It was no longer fun. I felt I always had to be high. I hated it. Yet I needed it. I was tired of lying to my friends. Though I loved losing so much weight, I knew I'd lose more, and look like crap and probably die. I had already OD'd twice, so I could die. I got tired of stealing. I got tired of watching all my posessions going away in the name of getting high. Crack is the devil. It has such a strong hold on me, when I first tried quitting, all I did was dream about doing it, and ways to get it and do it some more.
I was tired of the anxiety, tired of being depressed, tired of feeling out of control when I wasn't high and knowing I was out of control when I was!
I was tired of the people and the sides of town I was always on. People who acted like they loved you, as long as you bought crack from them, or shared crack with them. But they also talked behind your back and schemed up how to get one over on you. I got ripped off so many times...
I really REALLY was just tired. I knew there was a better way, as once upon a lifetime, I lived without it and knew I could be happy without it again. And, after 60 days of being totally crack (and drug) free, I can say it IS so much better.
I was tired of the anxiety, tired of being depressed, tired of feeling out of control when I wasn't high and knowing I was out of control when I was!
I was tired of the people and the sides of town I was always on. People who acted like they loved you, as long as you bought crack from them, or shared crack with them. But they also talked behind your back and schemed up how to get one over on you. I got ripped off so many times...
I really REALLY was just tired. I knew there was a better way, as once upon a lifetime, I lived without it and knew I could be happy without it again. And, after 60 days of being totally crack (and drug) free, I can say it IS so much better.
For me, it was a variety of factors that SOMEHOW came together at once. Health concerns were scaring me. I had two heart attacks nine years ago, & it would freak me out BIGTIME to hear my heart pounding away in the middle of the night. My liver became so glogged up it couldn't filter out all of the poison I was putting into my system, & my body went amok.
And, talk about diminishing returns! 1 drunk=5-6 days of TOTAL HELL. constantly feeling ill, of course. Then there was the HORRIBLE outlook on people, myself, & life in general. The reality of wasting my life. The reality that my family, in general, did not give a rat's arse if I lived or died, & a lot of THAT was my own damm fault. I was self-absorbed, stupidly arrogant, & hated everything the world & everything in it. Can you say NEGATIVE??!!!
I finally realized if I continued drinking I had ZERO possibility of somehow getting a second chance in life. Of ever having hope. Of obtaining self-respect. Or having ANY sembelence of human contact in my life. I was SO disconnected from people. Mentally & Emotionally I felt like those marooned shipwreck survivors you see in the comic strips that are on a ten-square foot island with ONE little palm tree. Totally isolated.
I couldn't stand this self-inflicked nightmare that passed for my life anymore. I decided to try things the Lord's way. I began praying at 4- something in the morning before beginning my workday. I prayed for forgiveness, self-acceptance of my many faults & limitations, guidance,etc. Basically, PLEASE LORD GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.
He did, & so far so good........
And, talk about diminishing returns! 1 drunk=5-6 days of TOTAL HELL. constantly feeling ill, of course. Then there was the HORRIBLE outlook on people, myself, & life in general. The reality of wasting my life. The reality that my family, in general, did not give a rat's arse if I lived or died, & a lot of THAT was my own damm fault. I was self-absorbed, stupidly arrogant, & hated everything the world & everything in it. Can you say NEGATIVE??!!!
I finally realized if I continued drinking I had ZERO possibility of somehow getting a second chance in life. Of ever having hope. Of obtaining self-respect. Or having ANY sembelence of human contact in my life. I was SO disconnected from people. Mentally & Emotionally I felt like those marooned shipwreck survivors you see in the comic strips that are on a ten-square foot island with ONE little palm tree. Totally isolated.
I couldn't stand this self-inflicked nightmare that passed for my life anymore. I decided to try things the Lord's way. I began praying at 4- something in the morning before beginning my workday. I prayed for forgiveness, self-acceptance of my many faults & limitations, guidance,etc. Basically, PLEASE LORD GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.
He did, & so far so good........
I was denied a liver transplant "due to evidence of alcoholism", I had burned a hole in my liver from a prescription drug overdose and I was told if I ever drank or took any tylenol product again it would likely kill me and it was emphasized that death by liver failure is a slow painful way to go. I wish it hadn't taken that to sober me up but I LOVE being sober!
Of the countless lows and bottoms and extremes I have been to in my addiction.
Only once has my family turned their backs on me and detached.
That would be this last time. I dont like how that felt. I would gladly get shot a million more times before I ever feel what that feels like again.
Take my life and my freedom. But never my family.
Only once has my family turned their backs on me and detached.
That would be this last time. I dont like how that felt. I would gladly get shot a million more times before I ever feel what that feels like again.
Take my life and my freedom. But never my family.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Depression is why I decided to quit drinking.
God and AA recovery have done sooo
much more than I ever dreamed of.
Quitting drinking was only the beginning.
God and AA recovery have done sooo
much more than I ever dreamed of.
Quitting drinking was only the beginning.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Like the silly ole AA slogan goes.....I had an alergy to booze/drugs; whenever I drank/used, I broke out in handcuffs.....LOLOL ....and hunny, grey is just NOT my color.....it was just time to quit.....
NoelleR
NoelleR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: carlisle uk cumbria
Posts: 45
great respone people,, dont we all look back and wonder why we did it to ourselves ey ,,im so glad im sober i feel im slowly coming back down to earth after being in orbit for 5 months ..i was one lonley person floating in space while everthing was going on here on earth
I quit for a lot of reasons. I was depressed. I could see that I was alienating my family. I was embarrassed by my addiction, I felt like a loser. Mostly though I was ready to deal with the stuff I had been running from. I knew if I could 'get over it' I would have a better life, but I had to stop drinking and using. I guess I still haven't dealt with all that stuff, I need to get past my addiction first, make sure my brain is in condition to take care of the rest of it.
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