sadgirl7

My husband and I were just married last Sept. He's 45 and I'm 31. We have a great relationship, fun, laughter, he's thoughtful, surprises me, very pampering....however HE has a drinking problem!

This has been on-going since we met. I have tried telling him in a nice way that he needs to slow down. Because nothing has changed, I feel as though I need to take a more drastic measure.

Our deal has been no drinking during the week, only weekends. However bcuz of this I feel as though he tries to make up for it on the weekends. He loves Budlight and only drinks beer. He could easily down a 30 pack in 2 days if I let him. I promises me he will do better, but it always fails. He always says I should let it slide sometimes.

Our newest deal has been a 6 pack on Sat and a 6 pack on Sun. That lasted maybe 2 weeks...and then he started lying about it to me. He tried sneaking 2 more beers in from his car!!! I can't take the lying!!:wtf2

I have a meeting set up with psychiatrist who specializes in this kind of stuff tomorrow. Dunno what to do!

I appreciate all who can help or give advice.

Fubarcdn

Welcome to SR.
I can't be of much help as I am the drinker.
After a long time married my wife finally gave me an ultimatum to quit or get out and this time I took it seriously. I am coming up to 3 months and don't plan on drinking again.
If he wants help stopping maybe he should try coming here. I have found plenty of help on my quest.

Aysha

Glad you are here.
It has to be frustrating. But he was like that when you met him. right?
Unfortunately..Theres nothing you or anyone can do to make him stop. He has to want to and really want to do for himself. Not because you or anyone else wants him to. Now he is hiding it.
It is a progressive disease.
I hope you find some answers with the pdoc.
There is a family and friends forum. There is alot of info and support there for people dealing with alcoholics.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Keep posting.

sadgirl7

I know I have even tried having his Dr talk to him....didn't do much.
He has told me before that he knows he does drink a lot but I think he's in denial that he has a problem.

If he takes the night off from work, he has trouble sitting there without drinking.

Aysha

Until he admits he has a problem. He will more than likely keep drinking. Maybe set some bounderies and stick to them. Alot of times us addicts and alcoholics dont respond to words. Not everyone is like that. But I am suremost. We respond to actions.Not all the time. But people can talk all day. But for me when my family started to detach and I saw them start to turn their backs. I woke up real fast, Thats just me tho.
I am not saying leaving him is the answer. Just to clarify. But you need to set some bouneries and just stand your ground. Take care of you no matter what.

flutter

He'll quit when and IF he wants to.. question is, can you wait for that?

Get some support for yourself, that's very important. I think you'll find a lot of support and guidance in the F&F forums that Chiy mentioned.

Good luck hun..

ToABetterMe

Hello & Welcome. I can so relate. My husband can easily go through a case of budlight a night. Yet he tells me all the time I am the one with the drinking problem.

I sure hope you get the direction & help you guys need with the meeting tomorrow. Is he going with you?

sadgirl7

No he doesn't even know I'm going yet.

Tommyh

ala non can help you
as a alcoholic,I found myself in denial thinking I could hold onto my booze and enjoy it and control it
my wife ,the social drinker,held onto the idea she could control and enjoy her drinker...me
we was both obsessed,me with booze,her with fixing me
the more we both tried,the sicker we because
I suggest you check out a f2f ala non meeting and the family forum here

Anna

I hope that you will find support for yourself.

As others have said, it's unlikely that your husband will stop drinking, until he decides he has a problem and seeks help for yourself.

There is lots of support here for you!

sadgirl7

Thanks everyone. We had a really good talk last night and he now knows I'm going to talk to the guy today. At some point I would like for my husband to come with me and he said he would go.

tribal1969

When you have a drinking problem it is almost impossible to quit.You just married him knowing he drinks like that and now you wont him to quit?It would be the same if he dated and married you being big and fat and then expected you to lose weight.
Maybe you could use the approach that you thought you could handle it because you love him so much.But you can not and would he consider quiting?GOOD LUCK!!

sadgirl7

NO it has always been an issue. I didn't just decide one day to start talking to him about it AFTER we got married.

Tazman53

sadgirl you need to learn how to take care of yourself, he will stop when he has experienced enough pain to make him want to stop, that is what it took me, threats & begging did nothing for me.

Go to the Freinds & family forum and I would suggest Alanon as well, to learn how to keep him from possibly dragging you down the toilet with him.

Take care of your self!

adore79

Im sorry you are going through this, but he can get help if he wants it.
Listen to what the shrink says, be supportive of your husband as much as possible as long as he is trying, go to alanon, take care of yourself first. Good luck!

least

I hope you go to AlAnon and find some peace for yourself. You can't make him quit drinking. He has to want to quit for himself. Please take good care of yourself. :ghug3

Hevyn

Hi sadgirl. It isn't how often he drinks, it's what it does to him when he does drink. It sounds as if he can't predict how much he'll have. I had so many years of good intentions, where I was determiend to moderate. I couldn't imagine having to give it up all together - it was such a part of my life. I was never able to keep it to one or two drinks. In the end, I could easily handle a 30-pack a day. As I'm sure you've heard, it's a progressive disease - it took me over 25 yrs., but I finally succeeded in nearly destroying myself. It's great that you recognize this problem and are willing to help him come up with a solution. As least mentioned, AlAnon will help you deal with this mess. I hope everything turns out well for you. Let us know how it's going.

shaun00

for me....alcoholism isnt just about how often i drink or what i drink..

For me....it about my inability to stop ONCE i start..

I dont stop when social drinkers stop.......i continue on...to oblivion and blackout.

I get into all sort of scraps....then the insanity tells me ill be ok this time and i go out and do it all over again.

I hope your partner gets a moment of clarity and sees it for what it is.

i hope YOU come back for support........maybe you could ask your partner to come here.....none of us bite.....well not hard anyway..lol

God be with you both......................trucker

Hevyn

Yes, that's it trucker. As they say, all bets are off once it gets in our system. I've bought myself a bottle of wine, determined to stick to just that, and awakened the next morning with 3 empty wine bottles, wondering where they came from. Didn't even remember going out to get the extra 2. Still I continued on with the insanity for many more years after that incident.

C23

Your husband sounds exactly like me. My wife let my drinking slide for a while as well. Once I got up to the 30 pack in 2 days, maybe even less, she put her foot down. She told me that although I do everything she can want around the house, there is always some point in the night that I "check out," as she put it. Try telling him how you feel when he is drinking. I found that the more honest, and direct my wife was, the better it was. Good luck.