90 days today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
90 days today
...today is my 90th day in a row of un-interrupted sobriety.
90 days ago I used; then I went out and got more. and then I got a little more. I was on my bed, under the covers, hiding from the police, and fbi agents, and waiting for them to come through the window and door (as usual) at about 7pm on new years eve. it was an unmemorable night really...a very common using experience for me. but it was new years eve, and I had some concern and fear about going out again and getting more...afraid of getting busted on the roads. Fear kept me in for the night and i fell asleep before midnight.
this morning I woke to soft playing music as my alarm kicked a favorite cd into the play mode. I showered, dressed, and practiced sitting meditation for 20 minutes, following my breath and repeating a mantra, and acknowledging my thoughts as they surfaced, returning to the simple act of breathing. I drank some water and drove to work, peacefully, on the interstate highway.
this moment i've paused to briefly celebrate my journey, my sponsor, my new life, my yoga friends, other new friends, my support people in aa/na, and my life. it seems as if nothing can go wrong, but i can rest peacefully knowing that i will form mental formations later today, thinking that something is not as i want it to be. BUT today i know that i can act instead of react to those situations and that i can move through those times as well as moments that feel good or neutral, and that i can let go of each moment and simply arrive at the next moment...trusting in my new way of life, trusting in love, and trusting in the process of giving my life and my love to the universe and in the process of receiving these gifts from the universe.
thanks for your support and love.
90 days ago I used; then I went out and got more. and then I got a little more. I was on my bed, under the covers, hiding from the police, and fbi agents, and waiting for them to come through the window and door (as usual) at about 7pm on new years eve. it was an unmemorable night really...a very common using experience for me. but it was new years eve, and I had some concern and fear about going out again and getting more...afraid of getting busted on the roads. Fear kept me in for the night and i fell asleep before midnight.
this morning I woke to soft playing music as my alarm kicked a favorite cd into the play mode. I showered, dressed, and practiced sitting meditation for 20 minutes, following my breath and repeating a mantra, and acknowledging my thoughts as they surfaced, returning to the simple act of breathing. I drank some water and drove to work, peacefully, on the interstate highway.
this moment i've paused to briefly celebrate my journey, my sponsor, my new life, my yoga friends, other new friends, my support people in aa/na, and my life. it seems as if nothing can go wrong, but i can rest peacefully knowing that i will form mental formations later today, thinking that something is not as i want it to be. BUT today i know that i can act instead of react to those situations and that i can move through those times as well as moments that feel good or neutral, and that i can let go of each moment and simply arrive at the next moment...trusting in my new way of life, trusting in love, and trusting in the process of giving my life and my love to the universe and in the process of receiving these gifts from the universe.
thanks for your support and love.
Meditation and living in the moment really help me too.
, peaceful is a great place to be.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
There is a line in the BB... 'you will be amazed before you are halfway through...'
I love that thought, because I will never be "though", how can I ever be "halfway through". So... that must mean that I will be constantly amazed... I am.
It sounds like you are too... Awesome!! Congrats on the 90 days!!
Mark
I love that thought, because I will never be "though", how can I ever be "halfway through". So... that must mean that I will be constantly amazed... I am.
It sounds like you are too... Awesome!! Congrats on the 90 days!!
Mark
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am so proud of you.
You dont sound anything like that person I first met.
I am so happy for you.
Keep it up.
I have more hope today knowing it is possible.
Thank you.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Ksplash congrats on the 90!!! I totally loved your post, you are a shining example right now of where one can be at if they are simply willing to humble them selfs a bit, ask for help and follow suggestions.
I know the feelings you are experiencing, it is hard to believe, but they get even better the longer you are sober and the more you work your program.
I fought for so long and so hard to try & prove to myself & to the world that I could do it my way and I never did find the peace and serenity I so longed for, once I quit fighting, I simply asked for some guidance and followed some suggestions I began to find it. Funny how when I quit fighting and quit trying to do it my way things got better.
Ksplash you have brought a smile to my face.......... Thank you!
I know the feelings you are experiencing, it is hard to believe, but they get even better the longer you are sober and the more you work your program.
I fought for so long and so hard to try & prove to myself & to the world that I could do it my way and I never did find the peace and serenity I so longed for, once I quit fighting, I simply asked for some guidance and followed some suggestions I began to find it. Funny how when I quit fighting and quit trying to do it my way things got better.
Ksplash you have brought a smile to my face.......... Thank you!
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