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Getting a New Contract/Making Money. Advice.

Old 04-01-2009, 12:15 PM
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Getting a New Contract/Making Money. Advice.

Not to be funny, but it's true. I think the contract will be good, as far as helping me step towards paying my own way. I have only a couple bills. My cell phone (which, for this month, I'll have to ask Mom for help again) and insurance for my truck. My boss asked me last night, if I could take on a new building (which they also call a new contract) for my Friday nights. Since I am already off. I think it will be a good idea, I do, but I worry a little bit about making more money. Since this is what I call a "fair" month (I also run a small, part time business selling my goods at local fairs about every other month), I'll be making a LOT of money. I get my 60 days clean on the 4th. I want to keep going. I am so sick of restarting my clean date. I used to give my fair money to my one best friend, but he hasn't had a job in a while and the last time I did this, the ******* spent some of it without my permission. It was on food, but he should have asked. It pissed me off.. So I won't trust him with my cash again. I intend to give some of it to my Mom for paying for my stuff. Maybe I should just give it all to her??? Any other ideas???
Also, Mom is starting to hint at me paying her back since I got a job. She knows I only make 60 bucks a week right now. It really doesn't pay the bills. It's just putting gas in the tank right now, and that's it. I hate for it to be this way, but I'd like to at least get 90 days clean before making more money. I am thinking about taking on a contract/work for my Friday nights to get a little more extra and be able to pay for my phone and insurance.
Hell, I can't even buy A CARD for either of my children's birthdays. Which today is my youngest's birthday. He's 13. I am going to sacrifice some gas money to get some stuff to make cupcakes for him for the cookout (which mom is paying for) this weekend.
I am at the crossroads. Where I can no longer hide my emotions in dope, and realizing the extent of monetary/emotional/physical/mental damage I have done to myself and others. But I want to stay clean. I don't trust myself with much money...
Thanks for letting me jabber and thanks for any helpful tips.
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Old 04-01-2009, 12:31 PM
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Its hard when newly sober Quack, for me I was drunk for probably 15 plus years, makes you lose your emotions cos every emotion is drunk.

I drank when I was happy, I drank when I was sad, I drank when I was feeling just nothing,.......................

The result is you forget how to be properly happy or sad.

The money bits tough, sounds a hard situation for you.

Don't have any answers, accept help though, don't be tempted to waste what little you do have on drink or drugs.

One thing I do know is that I never regret spending money on my kids, mine are younger but its apparant to me how quickly they grow up.

You get a short time with them so make the most of it.

That said, if my wee one doesn't go to sleep and comes out her room one more time tonight ...................................... aaaaaaaaaaaaagh !
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Old 04-04-2009, 11:45 AM
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hahaha. I remember the days when the little ones would be doing that. They are older now, less apt to do it, but when they do it's because they need to go to the restroom or perhaps it's 1PM and they know it's time to get up.. hahahaha..
I had a friend, at the meeting last night, remind me that if I really wanted to get high, I'd get high. Having money in the bank or not wouldn't make a difference as when we get set on getting high, we find the ways and means to do it. He's right.
But I just feel safer having less in the bank than more. I've gotten to the point where I don't want to sell anything, I don't want to steal, and I don't want to run my account into the ground again. Maybe it's a good thing all around.
Maybe it means I really am done as I am not contemplating how to get around having to show account balances and receipts and make everything match (my best friend checks my balances regularly), in order to get high. I just don't care. I know they'll match, I am not getting high, and I don't want to.
It's that part of me that really just drives my belief in a higher power. What or who else could take the desire away? I prayed more, this year, than I ever have in my life, and with doing my part (meetings, doing step work, staying away from old people/places/things, etc.), I really believe it's going to work. I know many people, who are very religious (I am spiritual but not religious), have been praying for me too. I am hoping that the miracle continues to work and I don't ever go back to crack cocaine, or abuse anything again..
Ok, I might let it slide when it comes to computers and cars. Anything can kill you, but computers and cars are legal (for the most part) and less likely do so. I just have to work to keep those things in moderation.
My local drag strip is open today. Wish I could go, but two things stop me. Money and my son's birthday party which I wouldn't miss for the world. I am sitting at my boyfriend's house waiting for the moment my kid gets here! ON DIAL UP! UGH! hahaha
Thank you!!! *HUGS*
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Old 04-04-2009, 12:19 PM
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Hi,

It sounds like you know what is right for you at the moment. I think you can see you want your future to be better financially, but you are still a bit unsure at this moment. So follow your heart.
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