Just when I thought it was over...they pull me back in. Asking 4 Advice please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: North, NJ
Posts: 1
Just when I thought it was over...they pull me back in. Asking 4 Advice please
Hi,
I'm new. I'm not an addict. I have had many family members who are. Some active, some in recovery.
HISTORY:
My father, a drug addict since his late teens, left our family when I was two (1970- a good thing since he held my mother at gunpoint and had tried to sell my sister; i'll call her 'A' to a drug dealer for heroin), in addition to having two children with my mom (my older sister A and I), he went on to father four additional children, a son I'll call 'B' and daughter 'C' with a woman he did not marry when I was turning 5 and then two daughters, I'll call 'D' & 'E' with a third woman he did eventually marry.
I met B & C only three times in my youth, when I was 5, 6 and 13 years old, then never saw them again. The latter two, D & E, I've never met and didnt know existed before 2008. Their Mother called my mother back in 2006 and advised her my father had died in 2005 and that she had two daughters by him. She mentioned the the older daughter D was a recovering addict and that the younger one, E, was always clean, like C and me. My mother shared this information with me only recently, late last year, 2008.
In each set of children the first born from each relationship became addicts. My sister A, my half brother B and my other half sister D.
My mother was a social drug user, MJ and some coke, once a month highs were common for her during the '70's and early '80's, but her big thing for 10 straight years 1979-1989 was alcohol. It literally tore us (her and I) apart. I ran away from home at 13. But my mother and sister moved to follow me and talked me back into the house a few months later. Despite changing States their patterns quickly resumed. My mother with daily drinking my sister with drug use. Eventually trying ALL drugs she could get her hands on, settling on using crack as her main high. My mom and I have raised her children the last 9 years while she buried two husbands and is now marrying a third. An old man who does nothing but enable and beat her. She takes the beatings and uses them as a threat against him to get more money for drugs. In 1989 both A and my mother went to Holliswood Rehab. My mother came out a recovering alcoholic my sister came out with an improved knowledge of drugs and where to get them. My mother has 20 years sober this year. For which I am thankful and proud. I know my sister has to want to get the help. For 15 years I offered support and attended meetings with her in various rehabs, some of which were court ordered. And I watched her spiral into prostitution and slavery as a result of her addiction. She even survived hitting a tree head on in an mva. Multiple surgeries and traumas. Incarcerations. I have since cut all ties with her having invested more than 15 years in trying to see her reach a state of recovery. Dealing with the thefts she's done at my house. Threatening my wife, children and property. At this point, she's on her own. My mother is still there for her though should my sister ever admit she's hit rock bottom.
The other mothers in this scenario I do not know well as I met each only once, both before I was 14. I'm 40 now.
In the first set of children after my sister A and I were born, my brother B, who I only met three times in my life, was turned onto drugs by my father, I learned recently, when he was a young teen. His younger sister C avoided drugs.
I suspect my father also got my sister D, from his third relationship, started on drugs. Awaiting confirmation. Though last I heard was that D was off drugs and began recovery following discovering she was pregnant and has been clean since. Though she now is facing jailtime for a non-drug related criminal act.
Of each sibling, A, B and D, all have been imprisoned. Some for short timespans some for long. All drug related crimes until now. Two have court cases pending and one is in county lockup as I type. That's my brother B.
It's this last one that I joined here for.
For years I had searched for B & C. The closest I got was an Uncle who knew nothing, and that was in the 90's. With the advances of the internet I thought I found them several times, however each time the people I found were not them. Finally in 2006 I learned their last names were different than mine because my father never married nor claimed the children as his own on their birth certificates. Now through a social network website I was contacted by my sister C who was searching for our sister's D & E. In her search for them she stumbled over me. She also told me she met our other two sisters, D & E, when they were young, but not since. They apparently do share my last name. She's turned out to be a good kid. Did well for herself.
Problem:
However, she told me our brother B has been in and out of jail the last 10 years and has a daughter he's never been a father to. She's 10 now. And he is on his way back to jail having been recently arrested on drug and theft charges in a faraway state.
Slowly I've gotten information on his history. He's been using since the age of 13 or 14. At some point he was even a mule. And now he's addicted to crack. He just got out of prison late in 2008 after a year and a half in and he immediately returned to old friends and drugs rather than a clean life and family.
Understand I haven't spoken to him in 28 years. Not since he was a child. I'd like to tell him everything I know about 12 step programs, self help, and offer support, but I'm concerned it'd be disingenuine. Both because we don't really know each other and because I really don't want to go through this again. Yet I feel I should say something.
All that said I'm on here looking for advice about what to say to him in a letter I intend to write and whether I should just wish him well or go into the schpiel about taking this imprisonment as an opportunity for recovery.
Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks. Mods, please feel free to relocate this thread if you think it'd be better suited someplace else in the forums. Obviously I'm new and not aware of all of them so I appreciate the help. Just please send me a message if you do. Thanks again.
I'm new. I'm not an addict. I have had many family members who are. Some active, some in recovery.
HISTORY:
My father, a drug addict since his late teens, left our family when I was two (1970- a good thing since he held my mother at gunpoint and had tried to sell my sister; i'll call her 'A' to a drug dealer for heroin), in addition to having two children with my mom (my older sister A and I), he went on to father four additional children, a son I'll call 'B' and daughter 'C' with a woman he did not marry when I was turning 5 and then two daughters, I'll call 'D' & 'E' with a third woman he did eventually marry.
I met B & C only three times in my youth, when I was 5, 6 and 13 years old, then never saw them again. The latter two, D & E, I've never met and didnt know existed before 2008. Their Mother called my mother back in 2006 and advised her my father had died in 2005 and that she had two daughters by him. She mentioned the the older daughter D was a recovering addict and that the younger one, E, was always clean, like C and me. My mother shared this information with me only recently, late last year, 2008.
In each set of children the first born from each relationship became addicts. My sister A, my half brother B and my other half sister D.
My mother was a social drug user, MJ and some coke, once a month highs were common for her during the '70's and early '80's, but her big thing for 10 straight years 1979-1989 was alcohol. It literally tore us (her and I) apart. I ran away from home at 13. But my mother and sister moved to follow me and talked me back into the house a few months later. Despite changing States their patterns quickly resumed. My mother with daily drinking my sister with drug use. Eventually trying ALL drugs she could get her hands on, settling on using crack as her main high. My mom and I have raised her children the last 9 years while she buried two husbands and is now marrying a third. An old man who does nothing but enable and beat her. She takes the beatings and uses them as a threat against him to get more money for drugs. In 1989 both A and my mother went to Holliswood Rehab. My mother came out a recovering alcoholic my sister came out with an improved knowledge of drugs and where to get them. My mother has 20 years sober this year. For which I am thankful and proud. I know my sister has to want to get the help. For 15 years I offered support and attended meetings with her in various rehabs, some of which were court ordered. And I watched her spiral into prostitution and slavery as a result of her addiction. She even survived hitting a tree head on in an mva. Multiple surgeries and traumas. Incarcerations. I have since cut all ties with her having invested more than 15 years in trying to see her reach a state of recovery. Dealing with the thefts she's done at my house. Threatening my wife, children and property. At this point, she's on her own. My mother is still there for her though should my sister ever admit she's hit rock bottom.
The other mothers in this scenario I do not know well as I met each only once, both before I was 14. I'm 40 now.
In the first set of children after my sister A and I were born, my brother B, who I only met three times in my life, was turned onto drugs by my father, I learned recently, when he was a young teen. His younger sister C avoided drugs.
I suspect my father also got my sister D, from his third relationship, started on drugs. Awaiting confirmation. Though last I heard was that D was off drugs and began recovery following discovering she was pregnant and has been clean since. Though she now is facing jailtime for a non-drug related criminal act.
Of each sibling, A, B and D, all have been imprisoned. Some for short timespans some for long. All drug related crimes until now. Two have court cases pending and one is in county lockup as I type. That's my brother B.
It's this last one that I joined here for.
For years I had searched for B & C. The closest I got was an Uncle who knew nothing, and that was in the 90's. With the advances of the internet I thought I found them several times, however each time the people I found were not them. Finally in 2006 I learned their last names were different than mine because my father never married nor claimed the children as his own on their birth certificates. Now through a social network website I was contacted by my sister C who was searching for our sister's D & E. In her search for them she stumbled over me. She also told me she met our other two sisters, D & E, when they were young, but not since. They apparently do share my last name. She's turned out to be a good kid. Did well for herself.
Problem:
However, she told me our brother B has been in and out of jail the last 10 years and has a daughter he's never been a father to. She's 10 now. And he is on his way back to jail having been recently arrested on drug and theft charges in a faraway state.
Slowly I've gotten information on his history. He's been using since the age of 13 or 14. At some point he was even a mule. And now he's addicted to crack. He just got out of prison late in 2008 after a year and a half in and he immediately returned to old friends and drugs rather than a clean life and family.
Understand I haven't spoken to him in 28 years. Not since he was a child. I'd like to tell him everything I know about 12 step programs, self help, and offer support, but I'm concerned it'd be disingenuine. Both because we don't really know each other and because I really don't want to go through this again. Yet I feel I should say something.
All that said I'm on here looking for advice about what to say to him in a letter I intend to write and whether I should just wish him well or go into the schpiel about taking this imprisonment as an opportunity for recovery.
Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks. Mods, please feel free to relocate this thread if you think it'd be better suited someplace else in the forums. Obviously I'm new and not aware of all of them so I appreciate the help. Just please send me a message if you do. Thanks again.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
nice to meet you, inmate. i can't offer any real experience to you. i have a daughter who is an alcoholic/addict, so my situation is different in a lot of ways.
sounds like you have a lot of history with addiction. do you go to alanon meetings or any other support groups?
keep reaching out! you might want to check out the friends and family section here too.
k
sounds like you have a lot of history with addiction. do you go to alanon meetings or any other support groups?
keep reaching out! you might want to check out the friends and family section here too.
k
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
