I'm new: Coping with wife's drinking
 

We have been married for 6 years and over the past couple she has progressively gotten worse. Last Friday night was the topper. She went out with a friend to a art exhibit and called me at 3 am, incoherent and lost. We don't live in a huge city and she was born and raised here. She said a tire blew out but upon arrival it was obvious she had hit something. Because of her state of mind she couldn't give me any information on where she was. I spent the next 3 hours driving around looking for her. All the while she was verbally abusive "why can't you find me are you stupid?" -- "if u r not here in 5 minutes I'm divorcing you" - "I'm going to call my dad and he's gonna take care of you"....you get the point.

We have had a few discussions recently about her inability to drink without getting drunk. One glass of wine seems to be not enough but two is too many. Once she gets the second glass down her its all down hill from there.

She admits to having issues with stopping after 2 drinks. When she hits this point she is nice, fun, friendly to everyone else except me. Anytime we go out the minute we get home she begins nit picking everything I have done or not done over the years we've been together.

After the other night she said she was going to stop drinking all together. Past conversations have led her to say she won't drink more than one drink but if I'm not around she doesn't stick to it. Rather she will lie about it then when I know without a doubt in my mind she is loaded I call her out on it. then let the screaming begin.

She is a wonderful person full of life and positive people around her. Will she really stop drinking or is this just what she says until a month or two down the road when she decides that one drink would be okay then one leads to 2 and the cycle begins again.

Sorry for the lengthy rant here I don't have anyone else to talk to about this and getting it out feels very good.

Any comments, suggestions are appreciated.

Welcome to SR. :c009:
I don't want to comment much as I am the drinker. I do know that people can stop if they decide they want to and find a program that works for them.
There is a friends and family section on here that you may want to check out.
Good luck.

Hi - Welcome to SR - It's a great place... Like Fubar I am the recovering alcoholic. Sounds like your wife has a problem with alcohol, I know, duh...

But also sounds like you have a good perspective, ie, not blaming yourself, looking for answers, help.

Like Fubar said, there is a Friends and Family Section (FandF) here, it's ALL about the issues you bring and there are many spouses of active alcoholics, recovering alcoholics, etc... I strongly encourage you to cut and paste your message and post in that section also. You will get many good, compassionate, and straight talking responses, in both sections, here and in the FandF...

Also, have you considered Al-anon? I will not be the only one with that question :).

Glad to have you here, I'm sure you'll get alot of response.

Mark

welcome!!!

Echoing what the others have said, you'll find a lot of good stuff-and support-in the "Friends And Family" forum.

Hi Grayhair,

I'm a drinker/druggie, and have been on both sides of relationships with drinkers and druggies. Neither side is peaceful, of course. Ditto the others' thoughts about the friends and family section.

And have a shout out from the Stillwater area. Nice to see a fellow Okie on here. Keep coming back, there's lots of help around here.

Throughout all this, no matter what you decide to do or not do, please take care of yourself. She is the only one responsible for her drinking and is the only one who can decide to or want to stop.

I hope you do post in Friends and Families forum. I think you'll find lots of people there in the same position as you. Al Anon might also be a good idea for support and advice.

Welcome!:ghug3

Yes, I agree, you need to take care of yourself.

There is support here, and you might be interested in AlAnon.

greyhair,I suggest you find a face to face ala non meeting in your town and start attending.
Looks like she is getting sicker and sicker.I am a alcoholic,and my wife went to ala non
before I got sober,and it did play a part in getting me to AA sooner.
More important,it helped her get better.I was making her sick with all my drinking and behavior.
feel free to email me at
oldhippietommy
at
***** dot com

if my wife or I can help.


Tommy

Welcome to SR Grayhair! Sorry that you are going through this- :hug: but you have come to a great place! We are here for you and trust me long rants are healthy so please continue to do so!

Check out our Friends & Family forum Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

And also please feel free to check out others as well! There are stickies at the top of the forums that are filled with a wealth of information that will help you.

Al Anon as stated is another great source to look into for yourself. Keep coming back and posting! We are glad that you are here!

greyhair,
you need to find the root of her drinking issues and what triggers it. She obviously has some hidden issues that need to come to light. Find the cause. There is something underlying here that needs to be addressed. Good luck.

Sounds like a tough situation.
I grew up with a grandfather that use to be argumenative all the time. MAde threats and all kinds of nasty things.
Its hard. Especially when you cant do anything about it.
I dont know..But sounds like she may be just saying she will stop just to get you to back off. Or maybe she is trying and cant stick to it.
Never the less. She isnt goin to stop until she is ready and wants to.
Unfortunately theres nothing anyone can do to make her.
I feel for you. But like said. There is a friends and family forum.



There is alot of support and info here. Hope you post more. And take care of yourself.

Thanks everyone!!!

I really appreciate the feedback. I thought this was the Al-Anon site but as stated it's not. I'll find my way to the other site.

Thanks again to you all. Hey Gneiss hope you guys made it through the storms!

Well... I made it through the storms ok. But they don't call it Stillwater for nothing... would it kill the city to make, you know, functional drainage?

Glad you checked in grayhair, have a good one.