Am I not important enough?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by Toomutch 
I have seriously considered applying for disability... But to tell you the truth I have no idea how to even start the process. I worked for our county's school system and I didn't go back this year. They knew I was sick with fibro and shingles, but they did not know about the bipolar. I don't think I could get disability through them.
Hugs and prayers!
Hugs and prayers!
This is something that, you can ask your Dr. about. You'll probably need to talk to an attorney about it as well. Most of the time, it's a 2 year ordeal to get your benefits
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks (((Captain)) - I knew it took a while, but didn't know it was 2 years.
((Suzette)) - even if it does take 2 years, you will get the back pay. It's based on what you've earned during your lifetime. It doesn't matter who you worked for, as long as you paid social security taxes. It also pays half the same amount to any minor children you have (didn't realize THAT until my stepsister started getting hers).
I'm so sorry you are going through all this, and I hope you find a way to get your medicines.
I'm sending a few thousand extra prayers your way.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Suzette)) - even if it does take 2 years, you will get the back pay. It's based on what you've earned during your lifetime. It doesn't matter who you worked for, as long as you paid social security taxes. It also pays half the same amount to any minor children you have (didn't realize THAT until my stepsister started getting hers).
I'm so sorry you are going through all this, and I hope you find a way to get your medicines.
I'm sending a few thousand extra prayers your way.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I would suggest getting all your bills and putting them on the kitchen table. Tell your husband that cutting your meds and medical treatment is not an option, period, and both of you, working together on the family budget, will have to cut expenses somewhere else.
I'm sure you will be able to find some other expense to cut.
Was the purchace of the ammo something he did impulsively without discussing first? Insist that if the family is on a spending freeze, the WHOLE family is on a spending freeze.
I don't know what to tell you when his behavior makes you unhappy.
Maybe you can try this: next time he makes you unhappy likes this and starts with the dominating, unfair behavior tell him you need to get out of the house because of his behavior. Stay out of the house for a long time.
And calmly tell him when you come back that staying away made you feel so much better and maybe in the long run, permanently staying out of his life might be your best option. The fact is that, really, that isn't really a threat, is it? It sounds like he needs a very loud wake up call.
I'm sure you will be able to find some other expense to cut.
Was the purchace of the ammo something he did impulsively without discussing first? Insist that if the family is on a spending freeze, the WHOLE family is on a spending freeze.
I don't know what to tell you when his behavior makes you unhappy.
Maybe you can try this: next time he makes you unhappy likes this and starts with the dominating, unfair behavior tell him you need to get out of the house because of his behavior. Stay out of the house for a long time.
And calmly tell him when you come back that staying away made you feel so much better and maybe in the long run, permanently staying out of his life might be your best option. The fact is that, really, that isn't really a threat, is it? It sounds like he needs a very loud wake up call.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
Disability determination doesn't always take that long. The first waiting period for the decision is four to five months, tho many apps are denied the first time. You have to appeal the denial, and it helps to have a lawyer. You can apply for disability (Social Security Disability Insurance) at any Soc Security office, and many apps are taken over the phone. You'll need a doctor (or doctors ) declaration of your disability due to mental and/or physical illness.
It can be done, tho it does take time. But don't give up. You're worth it. :ghug3
It can be done, tho it does take time. But don't give up. You're worth it. :ghug3
Sober since 9th May 2008
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,973
I'm left feeling thankful to live in the country I do.
1. All our prescriptions in the UK cost about £5 each, irrespective of how expensive the actual drugs are, through the National Health service. Prescriptions are free ( I think ) for some people if they qualify ie the old, young, unemployed ( ?? maybe ).
2. Nobody really owns guns apart from farmers and sportsmen maybe but its heavily regulated and you need a licence. Nobody would be buying ammo apart from the criminal element.
Obviously that doesn't help what is a tough situation Toomutch, you need your medicine though I'd reckon.
Hope things work out for you.
1. All our prescriptions in the UK cost about £5 each, irrespective of how expensive the actual drugs are, through the National Health service. Prescriptions are free ( I think ) for some people if they qualify ie the old, young, unemployed ( ?? maybe ).
2. Nobody really owns guns apart from farmers and sportsmen maybe but its heavily regulated and you need a licence. Nobody would be buying ammo apart from the criminal element.
Obviously that doesn't help what is a tough situation Toomutch, you need your medicine though I'd reckon.
Hope things work out for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Originally Posted by FizzyWater
I'm left feeling thankful to live in the country I do.
1. All our prescriptions in the UK cost about £5 each, irrespective of how expensive the actual drugs are, through the National Health service. Prescriptions are free ( I think ) for some people if they qualify ie the old, young, unemployed ( ?? maybe ).
2. Nobody really owns guns apart from farmers and sportsmen maybe but its heavily regulated and you need a licence. Nobody would be buying ammo apart from the criminal element.
Obviously that doesn't help what is a tough situation Toomutch, you need your medicine though I'd reckon.
Hope things work out for you.
1. All our prescriptions in the UK cost about £5 each, irrespective of how expensive the actual drugs are, through the National Health service. Prescriptions are free ( I think ) for some people if they qualify ie the old, young, unemployed ( ?? maybe ).
2. Nobody really owns guns apart from farmers and sportsmen maybe but its heavily regulated and you need a licence. Nobody would be buying ammo apart from the criminal element.
Obviously that doesn't help what is a tough situation Toomutch, you need your medicine though I'd reckon.
Hope things work out for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Thanks sfgirl - I have been working on my application for disability. I ran into a snag with the online application and am now waiting for a call back from social security.
After reading some of the other posts I was wondering, are claims always denied the first time around?
After reading some of the other posts I was wondering, are claims always denied the first time around?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by least
Disability determination doesn't always take that long. The first waiting period for the decision is four to five months, tho many apps are denied the first time. You have to appeal the denial, and it helps to have a lawyer. You can apply for disability (Social Security Disability Insurance) at any Soc Security office, and many apps are taken over the phone. You'll need a doctor (or doctors ) declaration of your disability due to mental and/or physical illness.
It can be done, tho it does take time. But don't give up. You're worth it. :ghug3
It can be done, tho it does take time. But don't give up. You're worth it. :ghug3
You can count on being denied the first time. Do NOT panic. That is par for the course, and that is the time to get an attorney. I recommend getting one who specializes in disability.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Originally Posted by Toomutch
We are struggling right now financially, but my husband is getting more and more work each day... We do not have it bad; we have just had to slow down our spending.
The problem is, all the cut backs seem to involve mostly me. My husband said yesterday that medication is not necessary, and doctors tend to freely prescribe it. I agree with him on this, but I need the meds I take, I really do! I need one of my prescriptions filled by Wednesday; it is an important one for nerve pain. He said "that one cost $140, I'm not so sure we can fill that". We have to meet a high deductable before our insurance kicks in. I have had to cancel an MRI, quit going to IOP, Quit going to therapy, cancel marriage counseling and put aside a bipolar support group. I am fine with this and have not complained about it to him.
Meanwhile... Although he has cut back as well, He eats lunch out everyday, just purchased 100's of dollars of ammo (he is fearing Armageddon).
He knows I need treatment and my meds... Why does he act like this? He knows I was suicidal last October and diagnosed bipolar, he know I have fibromyalgia and chronic shingles. But now that times are tough, these conditions mysteriously went away?
I am just aggravated about the whole situation and thought I would vent. I don't think I'm very important to him... Although he tells me he loves me all the time and helps out around the house. It's the inconsistencies that have me on edge.
The problem is, all the cut backs seem to involve mostly me. My husband said yesterday that medication is not necessary, and doctors tend to freely prescribe it. I agree with him on this, but I need the meds I take, I really do! I need one of my prescriptions filled by Wednesday; it is an important one for nerve pain. He said "that one cost $140, I'm not so sure we can fill that". We have to meet a high deductable before our insurance kicks in. I have had to cancel an MRI, quit going to IOP, Quit going to therapy, cancel marriage counseling and put aside a bipolar support group. I am fine with this and have not complained about it to him.
Meanwhile... Although he has cut back as well, He eats lunch out everyday, just purchased 100's of dollars of ammo (he is fearing Armageddon).
He knows I need treatment and my meds... Why does he act like this? He knows I was suicidal last October and diagnosed bipolar, he know I have fibromyalgia and chronic shingles. But now that times are tough, these conditions mysteriously went away?
I am just aggravated about the whole situation and thought I would vent. I don't think I'm very important to him... Although he tells me he loves me all the time and helps out around the house. It's the inconsistencies that have me on edge.
You will feel like it's all about you. That is a part of bipolar. I am not trying to offend you, I am just trying to offer some advice and hopefully remind ya that online is one of the best places to vent, find advice, or just someone to "listen", and find lots of information. Also, ask your doctor for generic versions of ANY medications you or your family take and be sure to ask your pharmacist what kind of "prescription help" programs they have. I don't have health care of any kind, but when I got in my accident last year, and before the other person's insurance got off their ass, I had to pay for my vicodins. I got 60 of them for 13 bucks! Way below the asking price, I think which was around 60 or 70 for the generics. Here in Ohio..
But please, keep any program you have, for bipolar, going until you can find a more cost effective one. Your husband needs to realize this too. I can't speak for him, as far as his loving you goes, as I don't know. I would guess, he does, or you wouldn't be together.
Ask him the same questions you are asking us. especially where it concerns pain and counseling. Ask him what he might suggest as a replacement or what you could do that would manage pain. Just dealing with it isn't an option and giving up on marriage counseling, therapy, and bipolar are not options either.
Sorry if this seems like medical advice. It's not intended to be. It's just my experience talking....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I'm sorry you're going through this Suzette. I can;t add much to what has already been said here but the bottom line is you need yr meds. They are not a luxury.
Maybe start to make your husband lunch or something - making him brown bag it for a while may impress upon him that there are other more indulgent areas of expenditure that can be cut.
Apart from that - I'm worried for you too...for what you tell us here on SR, I'm concerned about you.
I can't tell you what to do about yr husband, but I know you know it's not right.
Until you decide what action to take, pls remember what Anna said - Good luck with the disability - I was rejected too the first time LOL so it seems like that's common everywhere. Bit bizarre. Keep fighting though
D
Maybe start to make your husband lunch or something - making him brown bag it for a while may impress upon him that there are other more indulgent areas of expenditure that can be cut.
Apart from that - I'm worried for you too...for what you tell us here on SR, I'm concerned about you.
I can't tell you what to do about yr husband, but I know you know it's not right.
Until you decide what action to take, pls remember what Anna said -
I needed to look within myself and find the peace and friendship that I longed for. It was there. It's there for you too. Praise yourself, don't wait for your husband to do it.
D
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Suzette,
I'm sorry you're struggling with these issues with your husband. I have some experience of living with a controlling man. And I completely sympathize with your reluctance to "upset the applecart" for fear of causing pain and confusion for your children. I've really had to seriously consider that issue myself.
After much confusion and vacillating, I have made the decision to stay with my husband and work through the issues. I will stick to that unless he physically harms me or the children ever again.
The biggest factor in my decision to stay was that I saw my husband make as strong of a committment to growth and harmony as I myself make. He agreed to therapy and a number of other requests I made of him. And I see him truly trying, working really hard, keeping his temper in check, reaching out, etc.
It doesn't make any sense for me to work my butt off to make things work in our household and have him just stomping around willy nilly doing whatever he wants. My husband thinks he's a god-fearing, church-going man too. That is irrelevant in my mind if he can't be nice to my kids and see me as an equal in our marriage.
On the disability front: I just this month was turned down for disability but have retained a lawyer and will be meeting with them tomorrow to begin the next stage of the process. I have received enormous support for filing for disability from my doctors and therapist. I would encourage you to keep trying. I know it's a difficult process. I couldn't do it without the help from my husband. I really think you will get approved, from everything you've shared with us here. Hang in there and don't let go!
I'm sorry you're struggling with these issues with your husband. I have some experience of living with a controlling man. And I completely sympathize with your reluctance to "upset the applecart" for fear of causing pain and confusion for your children. I've really had to seriously consider that issue myself.
After much confusion and vacillating, I have made the decision to stay with my husband and work through the issues. I will stick to that unless he physically harms me or the children ever again.
The biggest factor in my decision to stay was that I saw my husband make as strong of a committment to growth and harmony as I myself make. He agreed to therapy and a number of other requests I made of him. And I see him truly trying, working really hard, keeping his temper in check, reaching out, etc.
It doesn't make any sense for me to work my butt off to make things work in our household and have him just stomping around willy nilly doing whatever he wants. My husband thinks he's a god-fearing, church-going man too. That is irrelevant in my mind if he can't be nice to my kids and see me as an equal in our marriage.
On the disability front: I just this month was turned down for disability but have retained a lawyer and will be meeting with them tomorrow to begin the next stage of the process. I have received enormous support for filing for disability from my doctors and therapist. I would encourage you to keep trying. I know it's a difficult process. I couldn't do it without the help from my husband. I really think you will get approved, from everything you've shared with us here. Hang in there and don't let go!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
I wanted to thank you all for your well needed advice. I will have to start working on my boundaries again. I was actually beginning to do fairly well with boundary issues while I was in therapy and IOP. I had told him if he didn't agree to go to marriage counseling that I didn't think our marriage could survive. He agreed and it was scheduled until the year rolled over and we owed the deductable again, that combined with the economy. When I'm feeling a bit stronger I will have to have a discussion with him and I know it will become heated. I just hope he will listen.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
I know for sure that you know this. But I'm going to remind you.
The most powerful thing you can do in a relationship is to truly OWN your own part and to take responsibility for your own actions.
You do not have the power to determine what his reaction will be. You can not control what he says or does. You do not own his reaction. He does.
No matter how you say what you need to say, if he reacts in anger, aggression, derision, and spite, it's not you, it's him.
The most powerful thing you can do in a relationship is to truly OWN your own part and to take responsibility for your own actions.
You do not have the power to determine what his reaction will be. You can not control what he says or does. You do not own his reaction. He does.
No matter how you say what you need to say, if he reacts in anger, aggression, derision, and spite, it's not you, it's him.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by Toomutch
I wanted to thank you all for your well needed advice. I will have to start working on my boundaries again. I was actually beginning to do fairly well with boundary issues while I was in therapy and IOP. I had told him if he didn't agree to go to marriage counseling that I didn't think our marriage could survive. He agreed and it was scheduled until the year rolled over and we owed the deductable again, that combined with the economy. When I'm feeling a bit stronger I will have to have a discussion with him and I know it will become heated. I just hope he will listen.
Does, your church offer any kind of marriage counseling?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Thanks mle... you are so right. I tend to let his actions and reactions hurt me. I will remember what you said the next time he reacts negetively to what I have to say. I will present the situation to him in a calm rational manner and what he does with the information is about him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
Does, your church offer any kind of marriage counseling?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Toomutch
I am going to try talking to my husband about it and then ask the church. If my husband want's nothing to do with it then I will go it alone.
:ghug :ghug
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