10 Days Back & WANT A Drink
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: NYC Metro Area
Posts: 78
10 Days Back & WANT A Drink
I am at work, with no transportation and that's for the best because I really, really want a drink. So much that I'm thinking of crazy ways in which I could get one. Like flirt with the mail room guy who is always nice to me to get him to drive me somewhere during lunch. That's CRAZY. This disease is crazy and makes us think such crazy thoughts.
I'm going to call some people I know from AA over my lunch break, but right now this is driving me insane. Most people are out of the office today, so I'm alone, and this is a place/situation recently where I did drink. I don't have much work to do, so I'm just screwing around, fixing up my blog, and feeling as if it would be so much "better" if I were a little buzzed.
I know that's not true, but that's what it feels like right now and "logic" and "rational" don't help with how I'm feeling. I had to post, because I know some people here would be able to relate. I just told my friend, who is very supportive of my recovery "I want a drink" and he said "Why" and doesn't understand that there is no "why" I don't need a reason. I just DO.
I'm going to call some people I know from AA over my lunch break, but right now this is driving me insane. Most people are out of the office today, so I'm alone, and this is a place/situation recently where I did drink. I don't have much work to do, so I'm just screwing around, fixing up my blog, and feeling as if it would be so much "better" if I were a little buzzed.
I know that's not true, but that's what it feels like right now and "logic" and "rational" don't help with how I'm feeling. I had to post, because I know some people here would be able to relate. I just told my friend, who is very supportive of my recovery "I want a drink" and he said "Why" and doesn't understand that there is no "why" I don't need a reason. I just DO.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I often have cravings for a drink, or, more accurately, for the numb feeling alcohol will bring. I have to talk myself out of it tho by reminding myself of how awful I felt the last time I drank. Feeling horrible the next day is my deterrent to drinking - I don't want to feel that badly again. I don't want to be overcome with shame and regret. I am worth more than feeling so badly. The world can be a hard place anyway without making it worse myself.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi,
I'm glad you posted.
I know that logic isn't involved when it comes to addiction. When I think of some of the convoluted ways I managed to get a drink, it makes me shake my head.
Try to hang in there and it will get better!
I'm glad you posted.
I know that logic isn't involved when it comes to addiction. When I think of some of the convoluted ways I managed to get a drink, it makes me shake my head.
Try to hang in there and it will get better!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
In early sobriety....
I timed my cravings.
They were 5-7 minutes in duration.
Not too long too endure discomfort
.
Soooo....I took action...
Walked...rushed my teeth... Drank cold water...Hard candy
Within 2 weeks...the lessened in both time and intensity.
By 2 or so months .... they vanished.
Now...were they mental or physical?
Darn if I know. Nor do I care....
Forward we go...side by side
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Living alone, I often spend too much time in my own head, so I have to try to stay focused and push those cravings aside for now. I drank just to get out, to have something to do and it is hard coming up with things to do, but it helps. We have to focus on something else, and SR is a great place to do that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Day 9 for me. So glad to be here.
I am amazed that I have stayed sober these 9 days. Through this time I have been as honest as I can be.
I went to detox on March 17th. It was hell for me. The place that I went to wanted me to stay in treatment. I was torn. To escape looked like a pretty good deal to this alcoholic. Let my world go crashing down (again) with me safe and sound in treatment. The conditions were not acceptable. Since the facility was out of network for my insurance, I would need money to get me through. My son (who is 19 and in college offered to help pay) Nope, just couldn't do that. Not his hard earned money for college.
I had to notify my work due to my absence. When I chose to leave treatment, the paper work I had for my employer had to be filled out. In bold black letters all over the paperwork the treatment center had written "left treatment against medical advice." This is true and I had good reasons.
How to deal with this? How to get around this was my first thought. Then I just surrendered. I'm not going to get around this. I will deal with it directly for the first time in a long time. So I did.
Told the employer exactly what was on the paperwork. Scheduled a Dr. appointment. Wow, some self care after only seeking it on an emergency basis.
Started going to AA daily.
I have kept in contact with work. I am being paid my vacation time while I am off. I was level honest with the Dr. I do have some health problems related to my drinking and some maybe not related. I have to follow through with tests.
I need to do a face to face meeting with my boss before I'm put back on the schedule at work. I could make things awful for my self or just let them be.
I realize that I could be fired, no matter how my employers support is on the phone.
Oh well, the most important thing is to stay sober one more day.
Gee, I'm surprised that I rambled on this long on my post.
I'm going to copy it to the thread that I started when I began my new journey.
Thanks for being here!
I am amazed that I have stayed sober these 9 days. Through this time I have been as honest as I can be.
I went to detox on March 17th. It was hell for me. The place that I went to wanted me to stay in treatment. I was torn. To escape looked like a pretty good deal to this alcoholic. Let my world go crashing down (again) with me safe and sound in treatment. The conditions were not acceptable. Since the facility was out of network for my insurance, I would need money to get me through. My son (who is 19 and in college offered to help pay) Nope, just couldn't do that. Not his hard earned money for college.
I had to notify my work due to my absence. When I chose to leave treatment, the paper work I had for my employer had to be filled out. In bold black letters all over the paperwork the treatment center had written "left treatment against medical advice." This is true and I had good reasons.
How to deal with this? How to get around this was my first thought. Then I just surrendered. I'm not going to get around this. I will deal with it directly for the first time in a long time. So I did.
Told the employer exactly what was on the paperwork. Scheduled a Dr. appointment. Wow, some self care after only seeking it on an emergency basis.
Started going to AA daily.
I have kept in contact with work. I am being paid my vacation time while I am off. I was level honest with the Dr. I do have some health problems related to my drinking and some maybe not related. I have to follow through with tests.
I need to do a face to face meeting with my boss before I'm put back on the schedule at work. I could make things awful for my self or just let them be.
I realize that I could be fired, no matter how my employers support is on the phone.
Oh well, the most important thing is to stay sober one more day.
Gee, I'm surprised that I rambled on this long on my post.
I'm going to copy it to the thread that I started when I began my new journey.
Thanks for being here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
For the most part, the compulsion to drink has been lifted from me - but in the recent past, I began obsessing again. It amazed me that the desire to drink was so strong, after a considerable period without it. I did what you did and asked for help. Posting here is good. Calling your friend in AA is also good. As Carol shared, cravings are fairly short in duration. I understand how powerful they can be, though.
Stay in the present moment, try to slow your thoughts, and have faith that this difficult time will come to pass. Sobriety is possible, no matter what. You too can recover from a hopeless state of mind and body.
Stay in the present moment, try to slow your thoughts, and have faith that this difficult time will come to pass. Sobriety is possible, no matter what. You too can recover from a hopeless state of mind and body.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 396
I felt like buying a twelve pack at dinner break last night. I was mad because I'm going to have to take a cut in pay. But the craving was less than before. It was more the fact that I knew that a couple months ago I would have gone home sick and got drunk. But this time I knew it was the wrong way to handle it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
Oh I can so relate. At my last job my friend & I would often go out to lunch on Fridays & usually see how buzzed we could get before we got back to work. And many times when I first started there the boss would bring out cases of beer & wine & we would drink at our desk starting about 3:00 on Fridays.
I know several people that would keep booze in their desk too. No wonder it was so easy to develope such a drinking problem while working there.
I know several people that would keep booze in their desk too. No wonder it was so easy to develope such a drinking problem while working there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Bellaire, TX
Posts: 27
Dang! No one told me it was going to be this HARD to stop drinking. This is fearful if I were ever to go through this again! It's not even one o'clock and I'm already feeling anxious. And, I'm begining to wonder if it was easier when I quit smoking a few years ago.
Being sober for 10 days seems like a milestone to me. I wouldn't want to mess that up.
Being sober for 10 days seems like a milestone to me. I wouldn't want to mess that up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
After reading Least's reply, I was reminded that I had wanted to start a thread on the 3 concrete ways you avoid drinking when you really, really want to.
For me, the best deterrent is to project forward to the next day. I know that I would regret drinking. I Know that without a doubt. But, on some days, at around 5pm, I have to remind myself of the physical, emotional and spiritual damage I would do.
If I drink, I will lose any time I have accumulated. This is a biggy and, the longer I go, the greater this reason becomes to me.
If I drink, I'm 99% certain I will blackout. And if (when) I do, I have no control over what I do or say. I could physically hurt myself (and/or someone else) or I could say something that is a "final straw". I just don't know what would happen and I am not willing to risk it.
Sadly (or happily), my drinking days are over (I HOPE<HOPE<HOPE). The real fallout, or potential devastation just isn't worth it. That doesn't mean it's easy, by any means, but the consequences way outweigh the momentary buzz.
Stay strong everyone. We can do this!:ghug
For me, the best deterrent is to project forward to the next day. I know that I would regret drinking. I Know that without a doubt. But, on some days, at around 5pm, I have to remind myself of the physical, emotional and spiritual damage I would do.
If I drink, I will lose any time I have accumulated. This is a biggy and, the longer I go, the greater this reason becomes to me.
If I drink, I'm 99% certain I will blackout. And if (when) I do, I have no control over what I do or say. I could physically hurt myself (and/or someone else) or I could say something that is a "final straw". I just don't know what would happen and I am not willing to risk it.
Sadly (or happily), my drinking days are over (I HOPE<HOPE<HOPE). The real fallout, or potential devastation just isn't worth it. That doesn't mean it's easy, by any means, but the consequences way outweigh the momentary buzz.
Stay strong everyone. We can do this!:ghug
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by bike4life 
Dang! No one told me it was going to be this HARD to stop drinking. This is fearful if I were ever to go through this again! It's not even one o'clock and I'm already feeling anxious. And, I'm begining to wonder if it was easier when I quit smoking a few years ago.
Being sober for 10 days seems like a milestone to me. I wouldn't want to mess that up.
Being sober for 10 days seems like a milestone to me. I wouldn't want to mess that up.
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