aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im An Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely grateful.


HONESTY....


Why is it hard to be honest in all
ur affairs?


Is it a secret that you don't want
others to know about?

Is it something in ur past that ur
affaid of people/family/friends
finding out about?

Is it something ur ashamed of
others finding out about?

Is it something so locked up
inside of you that if came out
it would destroy you?

Being honest was suggested to
me from the very start of my
recovery, however im slow at
learning the importance of things
in order to help me grow.

So even tho i was growing slowly
i could have been experiencing
the rewards of recovery such
as TOTAL HAPPINESS, JOYOUS
& FREEDOM.

Wow i could have had a V8...lol

Sometimes we know what is the
right thing to do, however we
get stubborn and want to do
things our own way.....and
because of that choice that
hinders us from growing.

18 yrs later.....u dont have to
wait so long as I did....

Be an open book to urself and
others and experience the joy
of being free in recovery.

Thanks for letting me share.

Texasblind

I thought this was a subject about a different kind of affairs...whoops today

But really

aasharon90

Why r u sad today texasblind?

Honest in all ur affairs.....affair....hmmmm

It can mean 2 things.

Affairs as in everything u do in life or

affair....like having an affair with someone.

Texasblind

I was being a smart azz. I mean affairs as in "I'm a horrible and serial cheater." Talking about it makes me sad because I honestly do care how I affected people.

"Affairs" like my day to day life? Sure...I'll share.

adore79

I started out by lieing just about my drinking, but as it progressed I had to lie more and more because I was drinking more. Then I started lieing about other things, even little inconsequential things that I really didnt even need to lie about. It became a habit. And I am having a very hard time unlearning that habit but I am making good progress. I am proud that the sober date I give at AA meetings is my real sober date, it gives me a sence of accomplishment that is real and not dishonest.

Dime

Tex is a trouble maker!

I am glad I am not alone, thanks Tex for clearing the way!

Mattcake

I think that addiction is a process of denial - not looking at stuff clearly. But that's not the same as being dishonest. When I was in denial, I still cherished honesty - moot point, but we do what we can at any given moment. That's not an answer, though. I'm not a liar, but choosing what I wanted to see, and what to ignore, is what brought me here. Thinking too much, too.
Good topic!

Texasblind

1st definition affairs: Fine, I cheated on every single woman except the last. Even my wife. I can never forgive myself, but my HP can. And I can never do it again.

My 2nd definition affairs: Well, I went to the doctor today. My blood pressure was 146/90-something. My pulse was 85. Better than my ambulance fun of 240/200 and 182. So I take pleasure in the simple things. Then I went to the store before they start selling liquor. I got some mozzarella, some horseradish and some nasal spray. Then I went home. I cook a lot, so I was going to make a baked ziti. I'll eat exactly a quarter of it, and fall asleep watching VH1.

Sharon you started this. That's what I managed to accomplish today and I'm not lying about it.

coffeenut

I agree w/Matt. In early sobriety I was in denial, and it's probably a good thing I was.

Looking back, it's like taking baby steps to recognize what I had been doing for 30 years. All of it all at once would have overwhelmed me....probably sent me right back to the bottle.

Now....sometimes I shock myself at how honest I can be. Especially about the drinking part of my life.

yeahgr8

It's a good question. For me i lie all the time, it has become second nature, e.g. if i buy a car for x amount it will have cost me x amount plus a load added on for effect, if i see a job in the paper i have already been for an interview and going for a second one soon. I worked in the UK when i got skint again a few years ago and was staying at my Mum's house, i told everyone i worked with that i bought the housefor her to live in, when people came round i made sure she wasn't there so i could keep the lie up. Anoher great one is that i lie about losing money on shares...otherwise where the hell has all my money gone, what do i say 'i spanked it all on booze and casinos'...oh no that would be no good then i would not have my daily fix of younger people looking in awe at me, it's pathetic really and just keeps up the denial side of the drinking, in my mind everythin is not too bad and i'm just not very materialisitic whereas the truth is that i am in deep **** and need help, i've only realised this in the last week or so!

Just hope i am not one of those unfortunates who are incapable of being honest. I just don't think i have realised how much damage i am doing to my self esteem by all these lies, and relationships...i've realised for a few years now that it is impossible t have a real friend or a girlfriend, how would that work...lying from the very start...it just doesn't work, well not for me anyway. Take work for example, everyone lies on their cv a little right, most of mine is a complete fabrication as i have taken '6 months off' at a time to 'sort my self out', if i put what i had been doing on it i would not get another job!!!

I have met people who don't lie about anything, a Danish carpenter who i used to berate at every turn trying to get him to admit he lied sometimes, but he didn't (ok he might say your cooking is lovely dear and it might taste like crap but we aren't talking about that) and that must be a great way to live! Time for a change 12 step rehab in T minus 17 days and counting!

Dime

On the serious side I find that it is not so obvious when I am lying to myself. The big one that cost me everything was honesty about the extent of my drinking problem. Everything else pales by comparison. The only thing that my drinking didn't cost me has been my life.

If I had been more honest and objective about my drinking problem my life would be very different today.

My honesty beyond this is not unlike the normal population. I am just not much of an accomplished liar, never saw the point even when I was drinking. I am very easy to read and if my words do not match my body language others know it immediately.