Hello My Name Is Christina and Im an alcoholic..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Toledo OH
Posts: 4
Hello My Name Is Christina and Im an alcoholic..
I have to say Im pretty lost right now I havent been sober that long the last time that I drank was last Saturday. My feelings on drinking seem to vary from hour to hour, and Im very lost and confused right now about everything. I know Im an alcoholic. I go to AA meetings and really feel like they are helpful, but I have to say when I found this site I was very very happy because its a place where I can just say really whats on my mind and its not face to face, and its to people who are just like me but a little less confrontational than the "real world".
Ive always been kindda shy and alcohol was my way of fitting in I suppose acting out of character acting like the person I guess I wanted to be. Twords the end when I kept saying I should stop drinking and I kept failing to do so I started to question myself alot. The last time I drank which was saturday I didnt even want to drink, I didnt do it to fit in, I just did it to do it. I mean I wasnt depressed wasnt emotional I literally had no reason I was sitting at my friends house and he wasnt even drinking and I just drank, maybe for the taste I dont know.
It scares me because I dont understand how I am ever going to get over this just because its been a battle for so long. I never drank every day, I go to school and it never interferes with that I still maintain a good gpa and all of that good stuff, I have a daughter who goes to her grandparents every weekend (her father passed away so its his parents) so I only drank on the weekends. Im thinking about step one and I want to turn my life over I just cant seem to admit that it was unmanagable I feel like it never got that far. I know thats probably what everyone says!
The other major problem with my sobriety is I refuse to give up my friend who I also drank with and who I dont believe thinks that I have a problem and thinks that I can just get over this. Everyone has seen me try so many times and fail that its just kind of like "okay whatever Christina youll be out next weekend" and I really truley want to stop it makes me so mad that I wont. I just dont understand what needs to happen for me to do this 100% but I want to sooooo bad I dont want n e thing more than just to be able to be sober and happy and have serenity.
Oh almost forgot the most important part, I got a DUI back in 2006 and right now Im in treatment (for the second time) for alcohol. I go to 3 meetings per week right now which is mandated (but im going to continue to go when this is all over). I have a couple other offenses related to alcohol as well but thats my only DUI. <--- which this whole thing would qualify as "unmanagable" lol
OMG Im like a trainwreck! See I need soooo much help I dont even know what to do with myself!
Thanks
Christina
Ive always been kindda shy and alcohol was my way of fitting in I suppose acting out of character acting like the person I guess I wanted to be. Twords the end when I kept saying I should stop drinking and I kept failing to do so I started to question myself alot. The last time I drank which was saturday I didnt even want to drink, I didnt do it to fit in, I just did it to do it. I mean I wasnt depressed wasnt emotional I literally had no reason I was sitting at my friends house and he wasnt even drinking and I just drank, maybe for the taste I dont know.
It scares me because I dont understand how I am ever going to get over this just because its been a battle for so long. I never drank every day, I go to school and it never interferes with that I still maintain a good gpa and all of that good stuff, I have a daughter who goes to her grandparents every weekend (her father passed away so its his parents) so I only drank on the weekends. Im thinking about step one and I want to turn my life over I just cant seem to admit that it was unmanagable I feel like it never got that far. I know thats probably what everyone says!
The other major problem with my sobriety is I refuse to give up my friend who I also drank with and who I dont believe thinks that I have a problem and thinks that I can just get over this. Everyone has seen me try so many times and fail that its just kind of like "okay whatever Christina youll be out next weekend" and I really truley want to stop it makes me so mad that I wont. I just dont understand what needs to happen for me to do this 100% but I want to sooooo bad I dont want n e thing more than just to be able to be sober and happy and have serenity.
Oh almost forgot the most important part, I got a DUI back in 2006 and right now Im in treatment (for the second time) for alcohol. I go to 3 meetings per week right now which is mandated (but im going to continue to go when this is all over). I have a couple other offenses related to alcohol as well but thats my only DUI. <--- which this whole thing would qualify as "unmanagable" lol
OMG Im like a trainwreck! See I need soooo much help I dont even know what to do with myself!
Thanks
Christina
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,044
You should fit in perfectly here Christina, thanks for sharing your story! SR is an awesome site for support in your recovery, please continue to post and read, there's plenty of help available. 
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Glad you are here. There is alot of info and support here.
I know how it is to be shy f2f. I am like that. Cant tell from seeing me here. But I am.
This is a great place.
Keep posting.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome Christina.
A lot of people compliment their time in AA here at SR.
The support here is great.
If you ever feel like drinking just come here and there will usually be someone to help you through it.
Good luck.
A lot of people compliment their time in AA here at SR.
The support here is great.
If you ever feel like drinking just come here and there will usually be someone to help you through it.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: MD
Posts: 64
Hi Christina,
You can remain friends with your special friend, just explain that even if he/she does not think you are an alcoholic, it is causing problems in your life and ask them to please be supportive of your decision.
I go through the same thing and I can totally relate. Part of the reason I have gone back to drinking twice is because I reason with myself that I am not hurting anyone and no one is asking me to stop. I hear people talk at meetings about families begging them to stop but I never had any of that...just the opposite really! All I know is it is hurting me and running my life, even if I don't have apparent outward signs.
I would stay away from going out on the weekends and ask your TRUSTED friends to make non drinking plans with you. One thing that really helps me it to think the only thing I can't do is drink. Now I am free to do anything else. Anything, anything at all but drink.
Good Luck to you,
Beach Angel
You can remain friends with your special friend, just explain that even if he/she does not think you are an alcoholic, it is causing problems in your life and ask them to please be supportive of your decision.
I go through the same thing and I can totally relate. Part of the reason I have gone back to drinking twice is because I reason with myself that I am not hurting anyone and no one is asking me to stop. I hear people talk at meetings about families begging them to stop but I never had any of that...just the opposite really! All I know is it is hurting me and running my life, even if I don't have apparent outward signs.
I would stay away from going out on the weekends and ask your TRUSTED friends to make non drinking plans with you. One thing that really helps me it to think the only thing I can't do is drink. Now I am free to do anything else. Anything, anything at all but drink.
Good Luck to you,
Beach Angel
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Welcome Christina!!
I am so glad you posted because you can find a lot of help and information here. For me having sober friends has made all the difference in the world and that is a great place to start. The bad part about alcoholism is that it is progressive and because most of us start out without major problems we think we are not an alcoholic. I was like that for years before I actually realized that I am an alcoholic. The good part is that life without drinking is great!
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
I am so glad you posted because you can find a lot of help and information here. For me having sober friends has made all the difference in the world and that is a great place to start. The bad part about alcoholism is that it is progressive and because most of us start out without major problems we think we are not an alcoholic. I was like that for years before I actually realized that I am an alcoholic. The good part is that life without drinking is great!
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 14
Wow, christina i could have written that myself, right down to the DUI in 2006. That was what made me stop for a while, but I eventually went back to it. I relapsed four times and decided this last time was it, giving it up for life. What I don't understand about those last four times is that I didn't even enjoy it. It was like I was just doing it to prove to myself that I could still drink.
I guess for me it was admitting that I just can't drink, ever again. It's sort of a relief actually.
Good luck. I have found this place extremely helpful.
I guess for me it was admitting that I just can't drink, ever again. It's sort of a relief actually.
Good luck. I have found this place extremely helpful.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
You too can get and stay sober. Just don't drink today. And when tomorrow becomes today, don't drink for today. Rinse and repeat. I'm glad you found us. THis is a supportive family. We help each other and we need each other.
Welcome!:ghug3
Welcome!:ghug3
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Your post mirrored a lot of my drinking life. It took me 30 years to finally get my act together and get sober. It took it's toll on my kids.
Give your daughter the gift of a sober mom. Now.
Welcome to SR. Please keep reading and posting.
Give your daughter the gift of a sober mom. Now.
Welcome to SR. Please keep reading and posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
welcome to the family chrissy...
try not to put any conditions on stopping, you dont have to go down as far as lots of us have...
and if nothing else, so your daughter can grow up with a sober mom...
good wishes chrissy
you can do it!
rz
try not to put any conditions on stopping, you dont have to go down as far as lots of us have...
and if nothing else, so your daughter can grow up with a sober mom...
good wishes chrissy
you can do it!
rz
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi Christina and welcome to SR. I can totally relate to your post, except that it took me about 35 years longer to ask the same questions and face the same dilemmas. There are so many people here who have their own stories, but what unites us all is the fact that we are alcoholics, want to change, and rely on each other for support. We understand, we really do and that makes all the difference. :ghug
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