confused thoughts and feelings
 

I woke this morning feeling not too bad... i was actually happy for awhile.. i made it to a month sober today (first in 20yrs)... the first thought that came into my head was i can celebrate and go for a drink....

It didn't last long... i told myself not to be so bl**dy stupid.

But as the day has gone on the urge has got stronger... I went to see a friend from a meeting i go to... all was going well while i was there... the thought popped into my head afew times but i managed to bury it...

When i left i almost ran home and locked myself in... I cant trust myself not to drink... well thats a lie.... i dont want to drink... my brain wants to drink.

My head is whirlin today... i should be pleased... can i not even give myself that!!!!!!

My emotions are all over the place... crying... angry... guilty

I think im gonna try and sleep the rest of this day away... not very practicle... theres still 7 1/4hrs of it to go... but i need it to be tomorrow.

Why thats gonna make a difference i dont know... maybe cos i can go to work... no time to think of me..

Be well
louis

Louis,
Congrats on the month! Those urges and cravings do pass so hang in there. Is there anything you can do to keep yourself busy with something you enjoy? Sitting around with nothing to do is the worst! Hanging with sober people, going to meetings or just calling my sober friends always helps.

Even tho you have a month sober, your body and brain are still adjusting to functioning without alcohol. It takes a while to get back to 'normal'. Give yourself time. Your emotions are all over the place cause now that you're not drinking yourself numb you are aware of your feelings to a painful degree.

Be good to yourself. Eat healthy food, exercise, get enough sleep. In time you will find a balance and will feel less 'stressed'. It DOES get better, it just takes a while.:ghug3

Even just being here is helpful to me when I feel that craziness. Kudos to you for posting!

Busy yourself with something else, particularily something to do with recovery. Read the forums, literature, call a friend. It does pass but it feels horrible while it is happening, I seriously feel possessed sometimes but if I hang in there, and do something else, the feeling passes and then I am SO glad I didn't drink.

Good luck, glad you are here!

Louis I hope things get better for you. I hope you stick it out through the tough part. Take care of yourself.

Congrats on 30 days.... Each craving passed is another victory, kudos to you.

:c011:

Congratulations on your 30 Days Sweetie~ Be kind to yourself, this takes time:ghug3

congratulations!!!

Myself, every once in a while I have that insane thought pop up in my head, today I just play the tape all the way through, as they say. Those thoughts do go away, and they do become less frequent with the passage of time.

Oh boy, I can relate to almost everything you said...

Celbrating your month of sobriety with a drink... Ridiculous isn't it? I know, because I've been there.

I don't have a formal work schedule today... ah, Thursdays I was always off to the races...

Sometimes in early sobriey, I did, infact just sleep away most of those days... Because, I really did need for it to be tomorrow...

Louis, it gets better, have faith, your higher power will restore you to sanity... just don't drink.

Don't have any magic words, but I really know how you feel right now. Did you get some phone numbers from people at the meeting... that's why you have them. ...pick...up...the...phone !!!!

Mark

Thank you

I managed to sleep somewhat... well i think thats what happened... it was some weird thoughts/dreams...
I am now wide awake... the feelings are still there but not as strong... although my brain says... if i dont go out i will be fine. I think im becoming anti-social... or just realised i dont actually know how to socialise without being off my head.
I've got a jigsaw to do so will try and concertrate on that for a couple of hours... but knowing me i'll get addicted to that and still be trying to fit that peice thats got me beat at 4am :o)

Thankyou again

Be well
louis

Louis, GOOD JOB!! First feel comfortable with yourself, worry about feeling comfortable with other people later. It will happen, just not overnight.

See how that roller coaster eased up? Feelings like that pass if we let them. *hugs*

Hi Louis,

It's good that you are recognizing how unrelenting this disease of addiction is.

I'm glad you got through that tough time.