Mattcake

I think that certain values are the foundation upon which any community is built upon. Tolerance and respect being the bare minimum. Apparently, at this point, kindness and understanding are worthless and disposable.

I made a vow to steer clear from the latest wave of bickering going on in SR, until I received a rather inflammatory communication from one of my peers. So I'm not going to shut up about it anymore.

No one has easy answers when it comes to addiction. We all have a right to harbour our own personal opinions, and to practice whatever methods of recovery we choose. I'm not judging anyone, nor pointing fingers. I'm simply expressing my point of view - we all have a right to do so. That is what tolerance is about, IMO.

I'm appalled by the lack of respect going on recently. Lack of respect toward our moderators, forum leaders, greeters and administrators. Lack of respect toward one another. And, sadly, lack of respect to very new members who are in dire need of help, and whose introductory posts go practically unnoticed.

If you are reading this and feel like you should distance yourself from me, so be it. I'm not going anywhere.

So much for humility -.-

Anna

Hi Matt,

Thanks for your post and I appreciate your input.

It is frustrating to see a thread dissolve into bickering, when I believe that we are all here to help each other and to help ourselves.

And, I think that if the people who were bickering, would spend as much time offering support to a lost newbie, we would all benefit.

Amazonqueen522

Thanks, :ghug3

nickishine

Hey Mattcake.....

I'm feeling your feelings right now!!!!!!

I just want you to know that I get alot from YOU here and am glad you posted this thread!

I hope personally, I am not part of the "problem" cuz I truly want to be part of the solution..... but when I can't....... I CAN'T..... and try to lay low cuz I DO NOT want to hurt another person coming on here for the 1st time or 1000th time!

Thank you for this EYE OPENER!!!!:ghug3

Aysha

I know thats right!!

Goodness ..Enough already.

It just all seems like an ego war to me.

Dee74

Thanks for this thread Matty.

I'd like to suggest that everyone take a little time out and take a good look at their motivation - because the way things are lately helps no-one.

pls don't let this thread turn bad too
D

stone

Yes, the question "why am I posting this?", is a good one to ask oneself.

Mariposa18

I love quotes and found this one a while back, thought it was appropriate =)

Speak only if it improves upon the silence.
Mohandas Gandhi

Rowan

Thanks for starting this thread, Matt. I've had to distance myself from a lot of posts because of the argumentative tones (to put it mildly). I try my hardest not to post when I'm tied up in emotionalism or am feeling triggered. I step away from the thread, think about what/if I want to say, and only then do so. My dearly departed doctor told me to "strike when the iron is cold" and I've always remembered that.

Thanks for your support here at SR, and for continuing to focus on the solution.

Jrock75

I know I get overaggresive.. it's a demon I deal with out in the real world too. I apologize for my part in any disruptions I might have caused. I came to this site looking for answers to my anxiety/panic,and Bipolar. This site has done me a great service by just reading other peoples posts. Knowing I'm not alone in my problems. BTW... I'm not gonna lie you'll probably see me apologizing multiple times a month/year. :P

suki44883

Distance myself from you? Are you crazy?? I don't get to talk to you enough as it is!

nandm

:ghug3 Matt, I am so glad you are here! Thank you for being you.

Toomutch

Matt, thank you for starting this thread, there has certainly been alot of tension here lately.

My hope is that we will all read this and decide what it is we need to change to express gratitude and appreciation for each other... Even in times of adversity, the respect factor needs to be set in place.

jimhere

I like that one too. Here's another one of my favorites:

"Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, us words."
Saint Francis of Asissi

freya

Well, when it comes to respect in a venue such as this, for me personally the major indicator is thought-fullness (in the sense of thinking about things and responding carefullly rather than reacting), carefullness, and thoroughness.

We deal in words here; words (and smilies) are all we have. So, if people are being respectful of each other, then to me that means that they read what others have said thoughtfully, carefully, and thoroughly in the total context in which it is written; then they think carefully and thoroughly about how they want to respond to that; and, when they do so, they take as much care as possible to make sure their words are chosen so as to accurately convey what they truly want to say. Furthermore, if people are starting up a conversaton (i.e. beginning a new thread), then they examine thoughtfully, carefully and thoroughly their motives for doing so, with the full understanding that manipulation and/or control are never, ever respectful motives.

Also, to me part of respect when it comes to this is for people to take responsiblity for their words. If their words do not say what they mean for them to say or if they write in reaction rather than response, leading with their raw, unprocessed feelings, and if because of that, their feelings get hurt and/or they are misunderstood, that is their responsibility. I personally do not respect anyone's refusal or inability to take responsibility for his/her own words and/or behavior....and a persistent pattern of doing so will pretty quickly kill any respect (in the second sense that I discuss below) that I have for someone.

I also have to say that it has been my experience, both here and in RL on many more occasions than not, that, when I am dealing with people who are caught up in the insanity of alcoholic dysfunction, more often than not, they tend to interpret any disagreement with themselves as a personal attack. This is not real and it is not mature -- and, in the final analysis, true respect is a way of relating to others that demands maturity and a fundamental acknowledgement that others are not oneself and that what others do is not about oneself.

Also, for me, there are 2 very differnt manifestations of respect. The first is the basic respect that every person is "due" as a free and equal human being; the second is the respect I "give" someone because that person has demonstrated by his/her choices and his/her behavior that he/she is worthy of my admiration and esteem. This second level of respect is a precious gift -- and I do not personally give precious gifts indiscriminately. In addition, I acknowledge my own responsibility, if I want this second kind of respect from those to whom I give it, that it is on me to behave in ways that are esteemable and admirable...and, indeed, what would the respect of someone be worth if they were willing to give it to me without my meeting those conditions?????

And, just for the record, I am posting this because, for me personally, "Respect" is a topic that deserves respect -- that deserves to be dealt with as the deep, mature, difficult, and not-reducible-to-feelgoodism topic that it is...and, since that's what I believe, that's how I'm going to deal with it.

freya