Eroica

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Katie09

I agree with you. Ultimately, it does come down to me. And yes, I do have to be proactive and change my way of thinking, so we are on the same page. I am not waiting for ANYONE to do it for me. However, I do believe there are other ways of achieving sobriety and I am sure you will all acknowledge this, right? It is not a one size fits all deal. Nor am I a victim. We are the choices we make.

The real life situation is that there are FEW other options available out there. I lived in the SF Bay Area where LifeRing IS an option. In fact, there has been a pic of me on their website for YEARS. I am ok with that. I've almost considered moving back up there just to go to LifeRing, but I digress.

The main goal is sobriety, right? And by virtue of the fact I don't do AA that does make me different, although not terminally unique. However, we ARE all unique. There will never be another you or me.

kurtrambis

Not really as I wasn't blaming anyone.
For somebody who was lonely and as a result was drinking heavily what would you suggest to them?

CrackQuack

My favorite thing was when my ex first offered crack, I said I'd never smoke that stuff. The second time he offered, I said it's addictive, I'd never smoke it, and it's for losers. The third time, I thought "what the hell, he likes it and he doesn't look like a loser, and says he's not addicted. I'll give it a try." What kind of F'ed up thinking was that? He said he wasn't addicted? Was I really that stupid? Yeah, I was. So I start smoking it, but I thought myself unique as I was sure I wasn't addicted. I didn't sell myself for it. I didn't steal for it. Never been arrested. I had all my teeth and my own place, 6 cars and a car trailer, and a lot of money in the savings account. So I HAD to be different. Now that I have to live with my Mom and have only two vehicles left, NO money in the savings... I still tried to seem different from other crackheads because I had my teeth and my own ride.. How silly that all seems to me now. Drug users of all kinds come from all kinds of places and I think part of the reason I've made it 52 days, so far, is looking at our similarities rather than our differences. It's MADE a difference in how I think and how I approach my addiction. I have certainly become more aware.
And I totally agree, the more I thought I was unique, the more I found I had in common with my fellow addicts at meetings.

mle-sober

Hmmm. So, are you saying that you are an alcoholic who is still drinking and using a recovery method that supports that? Is my impression accurate?

michelle01

I live in a tiny country town and don't drive. Meetings and clinics are far away. I see a counsellor whose approach is CBT. Have read some of the AA literature but am not formally a part of it. I use what's available, take what's positive and helpful, and discard what isn't. Not everyone responds to AA. What I'm referring to here is the unnecessary personal obstacles and mental attitudes that people put up that prevent them from getting well. It is part of the illness.

If anyone wants to share with me what they've learnt and what has helped them from recovery, whatever program, in a respectful way - not being gung ho about it - fine by me. Let's work together to support each other.

I believe in mutual tolerance and respect. Think that the problem may be partly biological but that other components may be involved. There are no simple, overnight solutions and we have to work hard at it over the long haul to see improvement.

All this being said though I don't live in the US, where I understand AA can be more rigid and 'evangelical' in approach.

kurtrambis

No I am choosing abstinence for a variety of reasons, the program gives the addict an option. If I had addressed my drinking more strongly earlier, then I believe controlled drinking would have been an option. It says on the website.

Improved control and successful relapse reduction sought AS well as abstinence

CrackQuack

Could not have said it better myself. I went into the NA thinking all I needed was just a few words of advice and a book to set me on my way to recovery. Thinking I could still smoke dope a couple times a month. Thinking that going to meetings would shut my friends and family up. "See? LOOK!!! I am doing something!" kind of deal. Then they started talking about a "Higher Power" and "God of my Understanding."And it turned me off. I was raised in the Church and I hated every minute of it. But then I took those and called my higher power Crack, as long as I kept relapsing. I call the NA my higher power now. Meetings and my sponsor, realizing that while, yes, I am a unique individual in personality and such, we ALL have something in common in our addictions. My sponsor has a different drug of choice than I do, but I still find so much in common with her. But anyway, whatever keeps us alive, clean, and not hooked on something else (like a pill- or we're just substituting), who cares? If I knew a door knob would keep me clean, I would be polishing that thing every day!

kurtrambis

Originally Posted by RufusACanal View Post
Kurt,

From what I have read of your posts, I believe that you are quite enlightened and knowledgeable, but do you truly believe your own words here? Is this not another form of blame?

Ron
Not really as I wasn't blaming anyone.
For somebody who was lonely and as a result was drinking heavily what would you suggest to them?
I was wondering can someone a 12 stepper or any other person who disagrees with my views on dealing with situations please answer this.
PS And I forgot thank you Ron for being courteous

mle-sober

I guess I'm just confused why you are under the impression that you are suffering from terminal uniqueness, then?

sailorjohn

Was thinking about making a crack about polishing doorknobs but.......

No, I wasn't referring to you.

sfgirl

Yes!

I don't know why there is such a quickness to shift focus to "programs," that is not where the issue is.

SelfSeeking

How did a thread about helping ourselves by focusing on commonalities rather than differences go negative? C'mon guys.

Dime

Nice Post Rufus!
I think you have said it so well here. I have not heard the term "Unique" in any of my local meetings here. Victims is a term mentioned often here and there is an "anti-victim" camp of people focused on living life right.

sailorjohn

I can't speak for anyone else, not even quite sure what sparked my thought about posting the thread, but I do recall vividly that 'terminal uniqueness' fit me to a tee before I got sober.

I have decided that for my recovery, and my growth, now is probably a good time to stop trying to convince other people of my truth. Remembering how I was, nothing on the outside opened my eyes. A lot of people tried prying them open, I would close them when they were done.

Following my own signature, we do have to find our own path.

least

Sailorjohn, alright already... if you want to badger semantics... ok ok, I WILL NOT drink, instead of I CANNOT drink. Happy now?? Good grief! Much ado about nothing...

"cannot" "will not" why pick apart the linguistic difference?? If this is how you treat an ally I'd hate to be on the receiving end if I were an "enemy". Sheesh!

gneiss

I've been on SR since October and it is the first time I've ever ventured into the Newcomers' forum. I had to see what the ruckus was about over here on the terminal uniqueness thread. Just so no one reads this in the wrong light, these are comments about myself. I say do what works for you.

I've read the whole thread now and honestly I can't decide if terminal uniqueness applies to me or not. I never really felt unique in my alcoholism or drug addiction. Quite the opposite, I was furious at myself for becoming addicted, for being a statistic, for being a loser, just like all the other losers out there who couldn't handle their problems (again, this is about me. I'm not calling anyone a loser; that's how I felt about myself at the time). I was just another dope addict. I had lost sight of those things that make me think I am worth taking care of myself, worth being loved by myself and anyone else, that make me unique. Every time I'd buy dope I'd hate myself for being another one of them.

I only saw one other person post comments similar to this. Maybe we didn't have this particular reaction to our addictions, or perhaps we moved past the "I'm special" phase of addiction/recovery without noticing it. Or maybe we're exceptional (Sorry. It was too easy).

I never felt like a victim, I knew I was starting to get hooked and didn't stop. I knew it was my choice to continue. That said, I do think for a while I lacked the ability to choose not to purchase drugs/alcohol on a daily basis because I wanted to stop and I couldn't. I don't think that's being a victim though; that was a result of being early on the learning curve. I had to learn how to stop, to conquer the part of my brain that wanted more dope. I looked into programs to help with that. AA/NA didn't seem to fit because of the religious aspects that I could not accept, and I couldn't find other support-group style programs in my area (I live out past the cattle guard and having dropped $10K on drugs/booze in the previous 4 months could not afford the long drive to a larger city). So SR and a couple of good friends are my "program" and it's working. I just take what I find useful and leave the rest.

sailorjohn

Well, found it helpful myself, my apologies if you took it as a personal attack. It wasn't intended as such, just thought you might find it helpful, obviously you didn't.

Jrock75

:wtf2
I really don't see it getting negative.. maybe a little heated with people trying to get their point across. But addiction is a serious issue that effects most of us here,it should be expected that things get tense as different POV's collide.

sailorjohn

A lot more heated than you might imagine

We alcoholics-especially me-can be a rather thin-skinned bunch.
Something I'm working on, along with everything else!