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A question?????

Old 03-23-2009, 02:48 AM
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A question?????

Im not sure how to say this is bear/bare withme here please.

I have noticed more and more recently that i appologise and say thankyou way more than is really necessary.
I hate taking up peoples time and am really grateful when someone does give me there time that i think i go over the top in thanking them and that maybe it can be abit off putting.

I know this a self-esteem thing but i seriously worry about it.

I constantly think that i need to give something back an in the past i generally have had to...
If a mate does something for me i buy them a drink... or i buy them anything, because i feel i owe them.

Is anyone else like this and if so how do i stop it?

I really dont like being like this... it's a habit now it think.

Hope that makes sense!!!!

P.s.... A last appology here: Sometimes i might not be able to get back for a few days to post a response if someone has written a reply to any of my posts etc... i dont want anyone to think i am being rude... i sometimes work a few days at a time and cannot get back to a computer to respond... it doesn't mean i dont appreciate any responses i get or that i am being ignorant...
See there i go again... that paragraph was meant to be one sentence :o)

Anyway i hope you are all finding some peace today.
Be well
louis
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Old 03-23-2009, 03:05 AM
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wheres the codie police?

people please'n, a fine character trait of us...

yep, its the self-esteem bit...

that will change with time, just keep moving foward lou...
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Old 03-23-2009, 03:08 AM
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Hi Louis

I thinks thats not such a bad thing... To be polite, maybe even too polite is so much nicer than being rude or arrogant x
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Old 03-23-2009, 04:19 AM
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Hello,

I do what you do too. It can get me into a lot of trouble, and I think that I also lost my youngest son to my ex husband due to this and the fact that I was a pill popper.

Being over to please can make a lot of people walk all over you. They think that they have the right to do whatever they want and that you/I will thank them for it ..and even apologise!! I am learning, the hard way that I have to stick up for myself in certain circumstances and be tough. My ex rang me yesterday, he insulted me for half an hour. This time I didn't say anything to please him or apologise for what may have been my behaviour. I love and care deeply for my son. He doesn't have the right to take this away from me. I no longer use and have got my life straightened out. I'm not a criminal.

Be careful. It's very important to me to be polite and apologise if I have done wrong. Life is worth it ( I hope you understand what I mean), but I no longer want people to take advantage and walk all over me. Your thread got me thinking. Thank you.

By the way, I am Scottish and hopefully will come back for the first visit in 23 years. It's sad as I no longer have family there, but the beauty of Scotland never leaves me. I think that (for me), it is the best place in the world to go and meditate and get your mind clean. I come from Auchtermuchty. Where do you live, and how are you?

Take care. I am interested to see the replies on your thread.

Much love,
Ingrid
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Old 03-23-2009, 04:45 AM
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At least you have a handle on what it is and aren't searching for an answer. It would be tougher. Your self esteem can change. Just keep believing in yourself and feel good about who you are louis.
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Old 03-23-2009, 04:45 AM
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I can relate to what you are saying. I am a big "thanker" and, if I'm not careful, I can become a door mat too, meaning I have a long history of letting people walk all over me.

There are so many times throughout my life where someone would do or even say something nice to me/for me and I would feel like I owed them something as well. Although I don't blame my Mom for this, I do see where this was a learned behavior that I picked up from her. My Mom would always give things away, even get money out of her wallet as a way of saying a simple thank you. If I'm at the grocery and someone sees me struggling with getting something heavy into my cart and helps me, my first instict is to go over the top with thank yous, complimenting the person on something, anything.

I am a big card person. I send people cards just to let them know that I care about them, thank them for something nice they have done, words of encouragement when they may be going through a tough time . . . While I don't see anything wrong with this, I can go overboard as well if I don't "check myself."

As far as the apologizing, this is something that I still struggle with big time. I am getting better, but I know I still have a ways to go.

Regarding feeling obligated to answer everyone's replies to your posts, I personally don't think that's necessary but if it's something you feel strongly about, that's up to you.

In early Recovery, I think we all begin to see all kinds of character defects/quirks, whatever you want to call them. I think this is normal because for the first time in sometimes years, we aren't medicating ourselves and these things are all a lot more obvious to us.

God Bless,
Judy
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Old 03-23-2009, 05:17 AM
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Hi Louis,
I think it a wonderful personality trait to be polite and treat people with courtesy. I have met people on the other side of the fence that are absolutely brutal and I try to steer clear of these people. When I got into recovery I had almost no self esteem left. I was overly polite and courteous to everyone all the time as I felt inferior. Some people began to treat me as if I was inferior and I began to notice they were taking advantage of me. I grew extremely angry when I noticed this and almost stopped going to AA altogether. I talked to a couple of the people that were taking advantage of me and stopped it. They didn't get it though. Along with my low self esteem I was also very sensitive and still am today.
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