mle-sober

Trish, Sweetie -

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. You have many friends and admirers here, including me. Keep doing the next right thing, like you are doing. And this will pass. It will.

Think about how much time and energy you invested in getting yourself high. Way, way, way more than you've invested in getting yourself clean and right again. Think of it like a pendulum swinging back. You swung it waaaayyy out there into the part of your world that was dangerous, scary, destructive, and self-defeating. Now you have to swing it waaaaayyyyy out in the other direction to find balance, to learn how to live right, to find the skills to live a harmonious and healthy life.

You are doing a great job, Trish. And you deserve an enormous amount of credit and respect. Hang in there. And, like I said, just keep doing the next right thing and slowly, slowly, slowly, I believe things will come right for you.

Jadmack25

Dear Trish,

I am so sorry to find you are in that rotten hole and feeling so down. I have so much respect for your battles with all that has been going on in your life, and with the way you keep fighting. You have such great strength and faith and I know that you will turn the corner to a better and happier time.

Keep up the posts, the faith in yourself and know that your HP is with you all the way, just as all of us here are behind you, loving and supporting you.

I have you always in my prayers, and thank you for your welcome to me when I got back online a month ago. It was a lovely surprise for me.

God bless you

JerryBear2009

Chin aka Trish, you don't know me, I am new here. You obviously have a number of people who care and love you on SB and I guess that is one thing to be thankful for. What I would want to say to you, having been through my own world of $%^&, is that what you facing at one time is immense. You say you know that others have it worse than you, but give yourself a moment to grieve, cuz you got a lot of things upside down. Just like person X drinks more or less, it doesn't matter. What matters in crisis, is that you understand the things you can control and the things you cannot. You cannot control a PAP test, but you can control your reaction to it. I would make a list of the things in your life that are out of control and causing distress and categorize them as things within your control and things that are not. You will obsess over the things "not in your control" and who wouldn't. But just use your internal dialog to redirect yourself and focus on something you can control. As you identify one thing in your life you can control, try to build it like a house. Its a process. Redirect, redirect, redirect. You will suffer loss, it does happen to everyone. You just got a @SSload of it at one time, and for that, all of us here share our empathy and sympathy. The most important thing you can do right now is retain your "locus of control", those things under your complete domination. You need to identify what those are and build from there.

There is no "suck it up" - that's not human to avoid grief and those that do are not really living, you just need to focus and build on what you can control as your foundation and experience what you cannot with pure emotion. The latter will test the former, but with focus, love, and support, you will make it through. Its a emotional dance so please be flexible. Dont confine yourself in the way you think it should be, but just focus on you.

I think you are beautiful. I have read much of what you share and the advice and counsel that you give.

I am here if you need me, post here, ping me, I will do whatever I can to help!

Viktor Frankl suffered through the atrocities of a Nazi concentration camp as he watched those he loved and those he did not know, suffer the indignation and horror of death at the hands of the nazi machine. He survived with the chaos around him by controlling the one thing he could, himself.

Don't be hard on yourself, be kind, dont judge yourself, but find yourself.

Find the beauty that is you (easier said than done, we all know that) but I for one am a BIG FAN!

~s

serenityqueen

mamabin

I know exactly how you feel. I have problems with severe depession. And the worst thing somebody can say is to just take a walk or just smile.

Mine hit me this week, out of the blue. I've been doing good not drinking. And I had hoped it would lighten my depressions. And like you, I don't want advice, I want to talk about it and hopefully find someone to talk to who understands. Most people don't. I ask myself why, because there's nothing horrible in my life. Alot of people have it worse. But I know that one thing has nothing to do with the other.

I'm on meds but because I'm bipolar, it's constantly changing and I feel like a guinea pig sometimes. And the meds don't give an immediate result. I'm in trouble at work for missing so much time. So I had to stay this past tuesday and try to pull myself together. I just couldn't stop crying. It just happens out of the blue sometimes and hits me like a ton of bricks.

I'm sorry that your face is breaking out so bad. It may sound trivial to some, but I'm having the same problem. You can tell what kind of week I'm having just by seeing my face. And it's been one bad week.

So if you ever want to connect with someone who knows, pm my anytime.

Take care of yourself. Sometimes it helps me to just sit and take a deep breath. But that's me.

dedubya

hey girl-
hang in there. dont let this crap take over your brain. i struggle big time with it also- you can beat it but keep your chin up and give it a shot in the jaw. its not easy, believe me i know, and i am still in the boxing ring with it. but i can dam sure tell you i aim to win.
love-
dub

littlefish

chiy wrote: No way! I certainly wouldn't tell you that...
After reading through your post, I had two reactions: that I am truly blessed to have a relatively trouble free life right now. And, how difficult it must be to have not just one or two problems, but several problems at once, as you are having.
I haven't always had a trouble free life, though. I've had times when it seemed like my troubles came in the quadruple.
I know this sounds simplistic, but maybe the serenity prayer might be helpful: are there things that you might just have to accept, because they are beyond your power to change? What things can you change?
Maybe prioritizing your problems might help....when I stopped drinking I put a couple of rather large and frustrating problems on hold. I decided I couldn't do anything about them until I was better.
Is there anyone you can talk to face to face? I know that therapy is probably out of the question, but a good friend is sometimes no different than a good therapist. The reason I mention that is because just talking about problems helps us feel better.
Hang in there. And, well, I've mentioned this many times, try to find some sources of support. NA group, a sponsor...

Aysha

There are alot worse things goin on than my silly little problems.

I cant even begin to imagine the hell others are going through right now.

I dont feel any better. I dont even have the motivation to get high. Even if I wanted to. I dont have any interest in that cheeseburger either thats been sitting out there all day.
I dont even feel right feeling like this after what I have read here the past couple days.
I am just so heartbroken for a couple members here.

The only thing sparking any interest from me is wanting a job.
I am goin to take tomorrow to really do some grooming. I look like hell. And Monday I have to snap out of this crap. I cant rot in here anymore. Thats what it feels like. Like I am rotting in my own self pity.

Thx for the responses.

Aysha

A break in the darkness. Thx again to my very good friend who never seems to fail me.
I dont know why or care why. But a few sentences is all it took for me to snap out of this crap a little.
Tomorrow is regrouping day. Time to start makin some moves. Just small ones for now. But anything is better than what I have been doing.
Monday is clean up day. Fix my IOP appt. Possibly apply to a couple places. But I have to remember not to get into too much of a hurry.
I may even get the guts up to call my old boss and at least apologize for duckin out like I did. Man I really liked that job. But I think I owe it to her to at least own up to my irresponsibility and give at least a little bit of an explanation without telling her exactly what happened. And it will take alot off my mind as well.
I would be an idiot to think I would get my job back. I can hope at the very least that she will still give me a halfway decent reference. I did work hard. And definately went way above and beyond. She said it herself. I am the one she counted on to get **** done. So hopefully once again. That will work in my favor and get me at least a good reference.
I hope I can stay motivated.

dedubya

you are not rotting- just the opposite. you are growing, groom or whatever you need to do and get through this- and eat that cheeseburger by the way. do you ever watch comedy or stuff like that? laughter (as hard as it is in bad times) is so great. try some humor websites also. my therapy is laughing when i get in a rut (which i am in by the way...).
best wishes- by the way i am looking for a job also but its not going to bring me to the mat.
thinking about you.....have a good week, i know you can

jowinbo

hi! i do not know you but have read many of your posts! i am so sorry you are feeling down!

you are a beautiful, intellengent young woman!!!! keep praising yourself for the little (or big) things that you accomplished! never give up on yourself, sweet lady! we all love you here and support you even in the bad times

if there is anything i can do to help you, pm me!

your are SPECIAL and much loved, just cause you are you!
luvs

:praying

Aysha

Ate my cheeseburger...Soft onion poppy roll with sliced onion, dill relish, lettuce, mayo, ketchup and mustard. Then had some kettle corn with the lil cousins.

Ready to pull out of this crap.

Impurrfect

(((Trish)))

Well, now that you've eaten your cheeseburger, I hear a little of your determination coming back...maybe it just needed some food?

Good luck with your boss. The only reason I was allowed to continue working in the restaurant chain was because I'd been a good worker...just like you. I'll say some prayers and keep my fingers crossed that something can be worked out.

I have a couple of coworkers who are doing their best to drive me crazy. However, reading through this post, just reminded me of where I was 2 years ago...hadn't gotten this job yet, fresh off of a relapse, and pretty much where you are, mentally. Now, thanks to you, I'll just be grateful I have my job, and give my coworkers enough rope to hang themselves

Thanks for reminding me that being grateful ALWAYS makes me feel so much better!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Aysha

Good grief..There isnt even a full page of want ads in the Sunday paper. In the main capital district paper. Thats bad.
Oh boy..I still cant bring myself to call my old boss. Its been almost a month. She tried calling me like 2 weeks after I didnt show but I refused the call. I am such a dumbass.
This is goin to hrt this time. I know it.

eeerooo

Hi,

Unemployment alone is miserable enough without all the other things you are going through. Resumes, interviews, they way I feel....impossible. I don't think I've ever written to you but I hope things get better little by little, things will start to look better. They just don't happen overnight.

Hope you feel better

IO Storm

"Ready to pull out of this crap."

That sounds like "getting over it"..Chiy.

To me..it is "overcoming"..a good thing.

Never suck up. Sucking up..is "sucking in"..poison. It is the beating up and the

blame and shame..the guilt thoughts we alkies/addicts punish ourselves with

after the disease has taken us. Never ever suck up! It implies we go it

alone. You and I both know we can't ever kick this thing alone.

Use the heck out of us, your IOP, whatever you can get your hands on..find it

and use it. You know you never have to apologize to SR friends ..just stay

and keep reaching out.

I sense that idomitable spirit coming back, Chiy! It's still there.

Don't give up hun..I know you won't.

Prayers, and warm hugs.



Sher

Aysha

I need to stop..I am obsessing again about the job thing.
That is always my number one stresser.
If I would stop screwing up and losing jobs I wouldnt have to go through this all the time. Or alot of things for that matter.