JerryBear2009

Had a great session yesterday with my therapist and wanted to share with you and ask a question. One thing we discussed is that my recent excessive drinking behavior is out of sync with my higher self, and lifewise, hence, why my higher self is saying DUDE! and my base self is "take care of me". The disconnect is where the bad feelings and bad results come into play, as if the higher self is saying "wake up man"!

So, we started to examine why I do what I do. What is base result that drinking achieves for me. As we probed, we realized that I am so over-committed and UBER-responsible, that when the relief and relaxation of alcohol hits my system, both base and higher selves are like "AHHH". Amongst my peers, I don't have the most responsibility, don't have children, but IMHO I have a lot more conscientiousness of those around me, the best performer at my job, highest functioning, old soul, take care of everyone, emotional guru, loyal dedicated guy. What we began to realize is that my internal over-commitments lead to me using alcohol as a mental time out release and a reward for going above and beyond in everything I do. Perfectionism 101 I guess you might say.

So moderating or abstaining will be difficult for me until I find something to replace the mental relaxation and time out that alcohol is currently giving me. Everything I do is like work. I don't just play tennis, I coach in a highly competitive league and play well enough to win it. I don't play video games for enjoyment (though I do enjoy them) but there is always some competitive edge to whether its completing a game or challenging someone online. I used to play semi-pro back in the day. I have a guitar and want to learn so bad but end up getting frustrated that progress is so slow.

I need to find some things that are as long lasting as the bender but have the same effects. Meditation seems like a great idea, I don't think the effects will be long lasting enough for me to decompress, at least they have not been in the past. My therapist suggested movies, I mean, how can you overcompete and make work out of movies, I presume I would feel like a coach potato. I am always doing 3 or 4 things at a time. Even as I write this, I am working on emails, getting prepped for a meeting, and listening to a Dead show.

Sorry, this is a long read, but ultimately, what do you all do for the "mental time outs" that give your mind a rest and body decompression?

Thanks and HAPPY FRIDAY!

Mark75

I like those Dead shows myself - Boston Garden '76, Ithica, Winterland '73

Ride bicycle alot, that rests my brain and the body is relaxed later. Read, music , fly fish (season starts soon!)...

Mark

Fubarcdn

I do weight training at the gym. With weight training I have to concentrate on the movement completely.

flutter

I think this holds true for most of us who found relief, or that "ahhhh" feeling you're talking about. Filling my time was easy when I quit drinking, went to the gym more, cooked more, reconnected with family and friends I had been somewhat ignoring thru the years, etc.. but when it came to finding something to mimic the "mental shift" that my therapists says the alcohol was creating for me, I've struggled. I don't think it's supposed to be easy to replace.. often since I committed to not drinking, I'll of course have the same emotions I'd try to relieve (anger, sadness, lonliness, boredom etc etc), and without alcohol, i'm forced to just LIVE through them, and in time, my toolbox will fill with things.. I'm not there yet. After a chunk of sober time, I have thought less and less about drinking when that 'mood shift' is craved.. I just do other things. Working out is huge for me, music, being around people, walking outside and taking everything in..

There's no magic answer here.. if alcohol were to not even exist tomorrow, a lot of people would be scrambling to replace what it brought them.. but I think we'd all survive

Sounds like a great session! Now what?

coffeenut

Sounds like you are like a lot of us.....Type A personality.

Use it to your advantage in recovery. Attack recovery like you attack everything else in life. No excuses.

Welcome to SR!

Mcribb

Sometimes I feel the need to be balls to the wall in everything I need, lately to stay sober I have been using images of beach or whatever relaxes you to get rid of that. Maybe just vollying a tennis ball in your mind will help