Relapsing and getting well.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by stone 
Hi Bam. 
Yes, and I have had some people lose patience with me...the nerve of one alkie losing patience with another! Like they didn't fall a hundred times too.
One person even had a go at me and then they drank a week later. When I relapsed again they had another go at me!
This is your journey Bam, like my journey is mine. Use all the help you can and never lose hope.
We are all here to help each other.
PS
Sorry for venting on your thread.
Yes, and I have had some people lose patience with me...the nerve of one alkie losing patience with another! Like they didn't fall a hundred times too.
One person even had a go at me and then they drank a week later. When I relapsed again they had another go at me!
This is your journey Bam, like my journey is mine. Use all the help you can and never lose hope.
We are all here to help each other.
PS
Sorry for venting on your thread.
Vent away, stoney.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I'm glad you're back Bam.
I'm not starting a new thread. This is a recovery board - discussion is what we're here for, I hope I won't make this thread into anything but a safe zone tho.
I have no argument with what you're saying - so long as there's no implicit suggestion that relapse is somehow understandable, or inevitable, or it needs to be a fundamental part of 'the journey'.
Relapse is bad, ok?
That's not a lofty ideal talking - that's looking at what we do - we have this myriad of options in front of us at any given point (whether we realise it or not at the time)....and we go and do something we know is harmful for us.
That's not healthy.
I'm glad you're seeking professional help. Self medication is a silly idea - we're asking to trust ourselves we know best at the moment of our greatest insanity.
And yes, sure we all did it - some of us 100s of times like Stoney says.
That means, all the more, we should counsel people from our experience IMO - that there is a better way to deal with things other than turning back to the flawed and harmful patterns we know.
We should have empathy yes. Relapse is bad, the relapser not necessarily.
I've 'had a go' at people in the past - through my own fear for them and my own frustration at seeing them wander down the same dark alleys I did. It didn't do either of us any good.
But I thought then, and I still think now, it's vital that all of us realise we have a personal responsibilty not to harm ourselves, and to do whatever we can not to drink or use. When we drink we fail - not other people, but ourselves.
That's not a stick to beat ourselves up with, but we need to acknowledge it's bad behaviour that needs to stop.
The buck stops with us. It really is our journey.
Looking for mitigation (or holding onto resentment) is not the best use of our energy.
Kudos to you Bam for seeking out solutions
D
I'm not starting a new thread. This is a recovery board - discussion is what we're here for, I hope I won't make this thread into anything but a safe zone tho.
I have no argument with what you're saying - so long as there's no implicit suggestion that relapse is somehow understandable, or inevitable, or it needs to be a fundamental part of 'the journey'.
Relapse is bad, ok?
That's not a lofty ideal talking - that's looking at what we do - we have this myriad of options in front of us at any given point (whether we realise it or not at the time)....and we go and do something we know is harmful for us.
That's not healthy.
I'm glad you're seeking professional help. Self medication is a silly idea - we're asking to trust ourselves we know best at the moment of our greatest insanity.
And yes, sure we all did it - some of us 100s of times like Stoney says.
That means, all the more, we should counsel people from our experience IMO - that there is a better way to deal with things other than turning back to the flawed and harmful patterns we know.
We should have empathy yes. Relapse is bad, the relapser not necessarily.
I've 'had a go' at people in the past - through my own fear for them and my own frustration at seeing them wander down the same dark alleys I did. It didn't do either of us any good.
But I thought then, and I still think now, it's vital that all of us realise we have a personal responsibilty not to harm ourselves, and to do whatever we can not to drink or use. When we drink we fail - not other people, but ourselves.
That's not a stick to beat ourselves up with, but we need to acknowledge it's bad behaviour that needs to stop.
The buck stops with us. It really is our journey.
Looking for mitigation (or holding onto resentment) is not the best use of our energy.
Kudos to you Bam for seeking out solutions
D
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
I'm tired of pretending that I'm like everyone else here. I am not. This is my journey and I know that there are others who relate and are afraid to speak up because of the backlash that always follows when relapse is discussed. I won't keep quiet about it anymore. I'm either honest here or I leave SR permanently. If I get a lot of backlash, then I'll leave anyway. I need to do what's best for my health.
Not relapsing at all is a lofty ideal for me. It's impossible. I am getting professional help, which I desperately need, and I'm hoping that I can get through this and come out clean on the other end. It's not going to happen overnight. It's probably going to take a lot of sessions. I'm glad I'm finally getting help.
I am not encouraging anyone here to use. This is my reality. I am not at the place where the successful are. I hope I can get there someday, but me being dishonest about my struggles doesn't help me or the people who are experiencing the same. This thread is for them. I need to talk to people who are where I'm at right now.
Not relapsing at all is a lofty ideal for me. It's impossible. I am getting professional help, which I desperately need, and I'm hoping that I can get through this and come out clean on the other end. It's not going to happen overnight. It's probably going to take a lot of sessions. I'm glad I'm finally getting help.
I am not encouraging anyone here to use. This is my reality. I am not at the place where the successful are. I hope I can get there someday, but me being dishonest about my struggles doesn't help me or the people who are experiencing the same. This thread is for them. I need to talk to people who are where I'm at right now.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
What makes you different, Bam? Your journey may not be much different from mine. What you consider backlash, others may consider as good advice. I now all about relapse, I relapsed twice in early recovery, the second time nearly killed me.
I too thought I could never get sober. I too thought it was impossible, but thankfully, I was wrong. No one is asking anyone to be dishonest with yourself but you also have to be wiling to be and get honest.
When I was struggling, I wanted other people I could relate to, but more importantly, I wanted to hear from people who have gotten through the struggle. Maybe they had something to offer that I could find useful and could relate to.
I realize that I am not your fav poster here. I'm not trying to harass you or make things difficult, but just trying to offer a helpful hand. I have been where you are and I know that there is a way out. Your mind is convincing you to stay stuck, but I know it doesn't have to be that way. Please feel free to ignore this if you wish.
In ending, I wish you well with your professional help. I hope it works out for you and you start to find some resolve and peace. Working through your emotions should be very beneficial.
I too thought I could never get sober. I too thought it was impossible, but thankfully, I was wrong. No one is asking anyone to be dishonest with yourself but you also have to be wiling to be and get honest.
When I was struggling, I wanted other people I could relate to, but more importantly, I wanted to hear from people who have gotten through the struggle. Maybe they had something to offer that I could find useful and could relate to.
I realize that I am not your fav poster here. I'm not trying to harass you or make things difficult, but just trying to offer a helpful hand. I have been where you are and I know that there is a way out. Your mind is convincing you to stay stuck, but I know it doesn't have to be that way. Please feel free to ignore this if you wish.
In ending, I wish you well with your professional help. I hope it works out for you and you start to find some resolve and peace. Working through your emotions should be very beneficial.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
My mind is convincing me to stay stuck? For the first time I'm being completely honest. No denial here. That's why I've started therapy...I put it off for way too long. I thought I could do it on my own. I was wrong. I need professional help (my family agrees).
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Well good, for you. I know you have struggled, but you keep trying and don't give up. You are taking a new step and that shows great progress. I know sometimes we just don't know what to do. I can relate. However, you keep reaching out. I know it can be scary at times, but I applaud your efforts.
My comment about staying stuck has to do with alcohol. It tells us that there is nothing we can do to help ourselves and that we might as well drink instead. I fell for it for years, literally. You are doing the next best thing and if you keep that up, you will see change happening right before your eyes. Yes, I see that you are being honest. I see better things ahead for you. Good luck!
My comment about staying stuck has to do with alcohol. It tells us that there is nothing we can do to help ourselves and that we might as well drink instead. I fell for it for years, literally. You are doing the next best thing and if you keep that up, you will see change happening right before your eyes. Yes, I see that you are being honest. I see better things ahead for you. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Hmmm, here's what I am going through at this moment. I am contemplating aspects of my life right now which, if I don't change them starting rightnow, could very well lead to drinking.
The biggest one: disruption of aalll my routines. My fiance was just visiting, the last time I saw him was January. I only went to one meeting in the 10 days he was here, haven't talked to my sponsor, haven't talked to my sober buddies. I had 7 days off from work and am now launched into working 6 out of the next 7. I have an important paper due on Monday and have to work tonight... worked last night... I went home early last night from my shift (too many people staffed) and slept a totally random collection of hours. Now I need to bang out a lot of work before work.
Eating- randomly. And probably not enough.
Overwhelmed.
Afraid.
Isolated/isolating.
Vivid drink cravings a few days ago... and now it's just me here, no one around to see if I slip. I do "work a program" (*cringe- don't hate me)... but not now I'm not.
So right now, I'm getting out of the house and going to work in the library. At 5pm I will call my sponsor and set up a time to meet with her. I will meditate on my third step prayer.
And I will not drink because I do not want to go back to that place.
*hugs*
Edit: Bam, I hope this wasn't thread hijacking. It's just good to have company
The biggest one: disruption of aalll my routines. My fiance was just visiting, the last time I saw him was January. I only went to one meeting in the 10 days he was here, haven't talked to my sponsor, haven't talked to my sober buddies. I had 7 days off from work and am now launched into working 6 out of the next 7. I have an important paper due on Monday and have to work tonight... worked last night... I went home early last night from my shift (too many people staffed) and slept a totally random collection of hours. Now I need to bang out a lot of work before work.
Eating- randomly. And probably not enough.
Overwhelmed.
Afraid.
Isolated/isolating.
Vivid drink cravings a few days ago... and now it's just me here, no one around to see if I slip. I do "work a program" (*cringe- don't hate me)... but not now I'm not.
So right now, I'm getting out of the house and going to work in the library. At 5pm I will call my sponsor and set up a time to meet with her. I will meditate on my third step prayer.
And I will not drink because I do not want to go back to that place.
*hugs*
Edit: Bam, I hope this wasn't thread hijacking. It's just good to have company
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
SS, PM someone if you need to. Life gets overwhelming. I've gotten through these last few days sober because of people here at SR that I've talked to in private. It helped a lot when I needed it the most.
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