Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 11
Hello
well i guess that i should start by introducing myself.
I am a mother of one, my little on is a year old and I am 19, so quite young I suppose, but I am in a long term relationship (going on 5 years) with a guy who although I love dearly has depession and issues with anger (never hurt me, just can get a little scary).
I also have had depression for a now large portion of my life, and I supposed I have swapped some very unsavory addictions for this one. Drinking, my boyfriend recently found out about this, and I am intending to quit, but I am not entirely sure I am ready too, I am quite afraid of old habits returning, throughout most of my teenage years it has been one destructive behaviour or another.
Anyway, as for my drinking habits, they vary according to what I think I can hide and get away with. often my boyfriend works very long shifts, these can get very lonley, especially the evening shifts, boredom and loneliness set in after a short time for me.
Things are pretty much 'all going wrong' for me, I have had thoughts of just running right out of here and leaving everything behind, so I'm not entirely convinced now is the right time to quit, but im trying to keep an open mind to the thoughts of quitting.
Sorry, that was pehaps a little long, but now you know about me!
NQT
I am a mother of one, my little on is a year old and I am 19, so quite young I suppose, but I am in a long term relationship (going on 5 years) with a guy who although I love dearly has depession and issues with anger (never hurt me, just can get a little scary).
I also have had depression for a now large portion of my life, and I supposed I have swapped some very unsavory addictions for this one. Drinking, my boyfriend recently found out about this, and I am intending to quit, but I am not entirely sure I am ready too, I am quite afraid of old habits returning, throughout most of my teenage years it has been one destructive behaviour or another.
Anyway, as for my drinking habits, they vary according to what I think I can hide and get away with. often my boyfriend works very long shifts, these can get very lonley, especially the evening shifts, boredom and loneliness set in after a short time for me.
Things are pretty much 'all going wrong' for me, I have had thoughts of just running right out of here and leaving everything behind, so I'm not entirely convinced now is the right time to quit, but im trying to keep an open mind to the thoughts of quitting.
Sorry, that was pehaps a little long, but now you know about me!
NQT
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR NQT, I am not a doctor so I am not going to even begin to evaluate what may be up with you. I highly reccommend that you see a therapist for your problems. Probably it would be a good idea to other half involved in some type of counseling for both of you.
Another suggestions would be to stop drinking, alcohol is a depressant, treating depression with a depressant is the same as treating a headache by hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Be honest with your therapist and follow thier suggestions. Depression is not something that dissappears over night so give it time, do not give up after a few weeks or even months.
Being 19 with a one year old is far from being easy to deal with no matter how much you love and enjoy your child, throw on top of that a boy friend who has anger issues and depression also another burden to bear.
Good luck and stay in touch.
Another suggestions would be to stop drinking, alcohol is a depressant, treating depression with a depressant is the same as treating a headache by hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Be honest with your therapist and follow thier suggestions. Depression is not something that dissappears over night so give it time, do not give up after a few weeks or even months.
Being 19 with a one year old is far from being easy to deal with no matter how much you love and enjoy your child, throw on top of that a boy friend who has anger issues and depression also another burden to bear.
Good luck and stay in touch.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 11
thanks guys.
we have both had various therapists. I finally managed to convince my boyfriend to go to the doctors again with his problems and they have put him on antidepressants, also there may be some councilling avalible for him at his work.
However I cannot get any free councilling in my area now that I am out of education and I can't really afford to pay for councilling. Ive tried antidepressants myself and they where not for me. So im looking for another way, from various other destructive things that I have done I have a number of coping techniques in place, im learning that few of them work with drinking so im trying to come up with new ones.
we have both had various therapists. I finally managed to convince my boyfriend to go to the doctors again with his problems and they have put him on antidepressants, also there may be some councilling avalible for him at his work.
However I cannot get any free councilling in my area now that I am out of education and I can't really afford to pay for councilling. Ive tried antidepressants myself and they where not for me. So im looking for another way, from various other destructive things that I have done I have a number of coping techniques in place, im learning that few of them work with drinking so im trying to come up with new ones.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Welcome NQT,
This is a great place to get help. I congratulate you for being here and asking for help. I am much older and was not honest enough with myself until much later in life. Many people with drinking problems also have problems with depression and find it is much better to deal with depression problems sober.
There are many types of recovery programs. I used AA and found that it worked very well for me. My local clubs have a lot of young people like yourself. I attended a meeting this week run by two women under twenty that was also attended by many people with over twenty years of sobriety. Too cool.
Let us know how you are doing, we all want to help!!
This is a great place to get help. I congratulate you for being here and asking for help. I am much older and was not honest enough with myself until much later in life. Many people with drinking problems also have problems with depression and find it is much better to deal with depression problems sober.
There are many types of recovery programs. I used AA and found that it worked very well for me. My local clubs have a lot of young people like yourself. I attended a meeting this week run by two women under twenty that was also attended by many people with over twenty years of sobriety. Too cool.
Let us know how you are doing, we all want to help!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 11
Dime, I guess that I have to be honest with myself, with a child to look after.
This is all affecting her, Even when sober I find myself stuggling to connect with her properly and look after her as I should, funny that this wasn't a problem at first, it grew and now sometimes she cries and I don't even go to her stright away like I should.
I admit, drinking isn't helping, but im too scared of letting go and risking something I view as worse to enter my life again. Im not really sure if im supposed to mention it on this part of the forum, still getting to grips with this place.
This is all affecting her, Even when sober I find myself stuggling to connect with her properly and look after her as I should, funny that this wasn't a problem at first, it grew and now sometimes she cries and I don't even go to her stright away like I should.
I admit, drinking isn't helping, but im too scared of letting go and risking something I view as worse to enter my life again. Im not really sure if im supposed to mention it on this part of the forum, still getting to grips with this place.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
NQT you are Super!!!
I am a parent and raised my children drinking and they have to deal with that every day of their lives. I go to a detox hospital to help others now with drinking problems and really try to reach out to parents that have young children. When I see them with their children after a couple of months of sobriety it makes me feel wonderful!
Thanks for posting.
I am a parent and raised my children drinking and they have to deal with that every day of their lives. I go to a detox hospital to help others now with drinking problems and really try to reach out to parents that have young children. When I see them with their children after a couple of months of sobriety it makes me feel wonderful!
Thanks for posting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
NQT you can do it!! It is very much normal for drinkers to have a troubled past and our troubled past leads to more drinking to try to escape but it only gets worse.
The troubled past doesn't seem near as bad when you start to take action about a drinking problem. You should feel good about yourself because you already made the first step in asking for help by posting here.
The AA program and working the steps helped me tremendously to deal with my troubled past. I never would have made it without going through the process. It really does help. Life is so much better now!
The troubled past doesn't seem near as bad when you start to take action about a drinking problem. You should feel good about yourself because you already made the first step in asking for help by posting here.
The AA program and working the steps helped me tremendously to deal with my troubled past. I never would have made it without going through the process. It really does help. Life is so much better now!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
nqt.........hello and welcome...
We are quiet lucky in the uk and there is lots of help out there for free if you wanna do something about your drinking...
The problem with alcoholism is sit gets worse....sometimes fast...sometimes over years..but is slowly sucks the life blood out of us.
Many of us had other issues as well as drinking....but bottom line is those problems cant be approached...without not drinking...
Before i stopped drinking i was weighed down with "what ifs" most of thoses "what ifs" never happened.
Keep coming here.....it a great place full of great people willing to help and advise.
trucker
We are quiet lucky in the uk and there is lots of help out there for free if you wanna do something about your drinking...
The problem with alcoholism is sit gets worse....sometimes fast...sometimes over years..but is slowly sucks the life blood out of us.
Many of us had other issues as well as drinking....but bottom line is those problems cant be approached...without not drinking...
Before i stopped drinking i was weighed down with "what ifs" most of thoses "what ifs" never happened.
Keep coming here.....it a great place full of great people willing to help and advise.
trucker
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: corpus christi, tx
Posts: 211
Hello, and welcome to SR,
At 19 you have the rest of your and your daughter's life to look forward to. While we may not know your complete history, we can relate to to the effects of drinking and how it effects your life and wanting to stop and being afraid of how stopping will effect your life.
You say you suffer from depression and had no luck with antidepression meds. Have you considered herbal meds? There are several that can help with depression and all that goes along with it, in tea or capsule form (THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE).
Take some time when you can and keep reading and posting here. There are some wonderful and wise people here.
Again, WELCOME!
Linda
At 19 you have the rest of your and your daughter's life to look forward to. While we may not know your complete history, we can relate to to the effects of drinking and how it effects your life and wanting to stop and being afraid of how stopping will effect your life.
You say you suffer from depression and had no luck with antidepression meds. Have you considered herbal meds? There are several that can help with depression and all that goes along with it, in tea or capsule form (THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE).
Take some time when you can and keep reading and posting here. There are some wonderful and wise people here.
Again, WELCOME!
Linda
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Originally Posted by notquitethere 
Anyway, as for my drinking habits, they vary according to what I think I can hide and get away with. often my boyfriend works very long shifts, these can get very lonley, especially the evening shifts, boredom and loneliness set in after a short time for me.
You'll be ready when you are..Having a little one would force you to think outside yourself though I would think. Stick around here, a lot of people have been in your shoes, even with your uniqueness
Lack 'a' power
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 88
I admit, drinking isn't helping, but im too scared of letting go and risking something I view as worse to enter my life again. Im not really sure if im supposed to mention it on this part of the forum.
pg 58-59 "With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil untill we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is to much for us."
Hi, my name is Chris. I'm am an alcoholic and a drug addict. I am also a poster boy for child abuse. When I was 20 years old I was diognosed with chronic depression and PTSD so I joined the Marine Corp.
I refused to take anti-depessents. However I was in and out of D&A rehabs for the next 15 years.
Sometimes I wonder how my life might have turned out if I had not been smarter than the doctors and theropists. I think back then I was constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself. Once I started looking in the mirror I began to see the solution because my sponsor had written on it, "YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE PROBLEM!"
pg 58 "There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."
I applaud your courage. Welcome and keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Livingroom
Posts: 323
Welcome to SR. I 2 am new here. I was only 17 when I first walked in to the rooms of AA. (much older now) There are so many young people in the rooms. I also deal with depression and I find that meds does help me. Were you drinking when you tried the meds?? I have heard that if one drinks on them they won't be as useful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 331
You already have a notion of responsibility at 19. I at that age did not, you know what is right to do for your child and what you need to do for yourself. Congrats! I would continue to remember that with children they are always watching and ears are always open make the best example you can for the child and yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 11
wow, thank you for all the support. i can see this is a very active forum.
the other thing isn't drugs, hell, what harm can it do if i dont give details, I have self harmed since i was about 14, on and off, right now its off because my drinking has... well.... replaced it basicly.
I have tried and tried to beat it, of course I have tried to beat it, I almost suceeded when I had the little one, but I fell on bad habits again, and gained this habit too, now im old enough to just go and buy the stuff here in the UK.
I have tried pretty much everything for my depression, regualr anti depressents (and i didnt drink whilst on them), several councillers, and herbal medicines too. along with coping mechanisms of my own, i go for a lot of walks and thats a good one, but i cant walk all the time!
It feels like the depression is simply in my personality after all these years, which is very hard to deal with.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.
the other thing isn't drugs, hell, what harm can it do if i dont give details, I have self harmed since i was about 14, on and off, right now its off because my drinking has... well.... replaced it basicly.
I have tried and tried to beat it, of course I have tried to beat it, I almost suceeded when I had the little one, but I fell on bad habits again, and gained this habit too, now im old enough to just go and buy the stuff here in the UK.
I have tried pretty much everything for my depression, regualr anti depressents (and i didnt drink whilst on them), several councillers, and herbal medicines too. along with coping mechanisms of my own, i go for a lot of walks and thats a good one, but i cant walk all the time!
It feels like the depression is simply in my personality after all these years, which is very hard to deal with.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
I know a lady in our local club that has battled alcoholism, drugs, self hurting and depression for years. She never gave up and keep on getting help from therapists, psychiatrists, AA you name it.
She gradually got better and stopped alcohol, drugs and self mutilation years ago. She has a lot of faith in God now. Today she does stand up comedy on the weekends and can laugh about herself.
Hang in there Sweetee!!
She gradually got better and stopped alcohol, drugs and self mutilation years ago. She has a lot of faith in God now. Today she does stand up comedy on the weekends and can laugh about herself.
Hang in there Sweetee!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 11
well ive got one of your points there, I can laugh about myself. But that has always been the case.
I wish that I could have faith in some god or another, but there is no faith here, I have yet to discover my beliefs as im not going to be bullied into any belief I am taught. I need more proof.
thing is, now therapy is going to cost me, and we dont have the money. AA is not for me yet i dont think.... I need to try and do it on my own first, wether this is a personality flaw I dont know, but I need to try it on my own.
I wish that I could have faith in some god or another, but there is no faith here, I have yet to discover my beliefs as im not going to be bullied into any belief I am taught. I need more proof.
thing is, now therapy is going to cost me, and we dont have the money. AA is not for me yet i dont think.... I need to try and do it on my own first, wether this is a personality flaw I dont know, but I need to try it on my own.
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