Toomutch

I came across a devotional reading today that really made me think about how fortunate I am. Blessed to be fortunate enough to recognize it now that I'm sober.

The devotional reading focused on the home where the couch does not match the drapes. The home is furnished missmatched antiques and garage sale finds. The dishes in this home are pssed on by Grandma and are chiped and worn. The patch of grass out front has bikes and tricks sprawled about.
There is a cheery mat ouside the front door that reads "welcome". And thats just how folks feel when they are inside. Here is a place of peace and safety because here is home and there is no place else like it.

My home is not exactly as mentioned above, but it is far from the homes one may see in a Better Homes and Gardens Magazine. We still have our origanal carpet, worn countertops, wood floor in need of resurfacing and the bay windows in the kitchen are bare of window coverings that we can't afford to replace.

I am feeling ashamed now... Ashamed for being ashamed of my home... Not allowing certain people past the front door because I knew they had modern beautiful decor in their homes. Homes like the one I was raised in that was a disgusting display of wealth, with all of the material goods in could possibly have. Along with a 4 car garage with all the newest, most expensive cars a materialistic person could ever want for.

I am sitting in my home right now, I am comfortable, I am sheltered, I am in a safe area. I have well established trees with bird houses and feeders. All my kids have their own rooms and beds. Our 3 dogs are allowed on our furniture and snuggle up with us.

I guess the point of this thread is people either live in a house or apartment... or live inside there home. In my opinion we cannot appreciate this when we are trapped within our addictions. It takes being sober to realize how very fortunate we are that we live inside of our homes; home meaning a place thats filled with love and comfort.

Do I make since?

CAPTAINZING2000

There are houses then, there are homes.

We don't quit loving our home, our spouses and families cause they get old.

I too agree , my home will never look like a house out of Better Home's and Gardens. I live in my house, it's my home.

Astro

Oh I loved reading this post Suzette, it took my breath away because it expresses all the good qualities I can see in a home.

It's not the material things we fill it with, it's the love, warmth, and memories that we fill it with.

My fiance and I just moved into a home together, so we "blended" our belongings. And when I say blended it was sorting like mixing water and oil We've got quite a mish-mash of furnishings and decorations, and we're looking at piles of "wants" that need to be sold off at garage sales.

It doesn't matter though. I love our "stuff", the pictures of our loved ones, the artwork created by family and friends, the knick-knacks from vacations and years gone by, little snippets of our life. And most of all, I love the fact that our home is bursting with love. On the nights that I have custody of my kids, they can't wait to get to come and spend time with me and their stepmom-to-be.

I struggle a bit with my son, he's more than a little spoiled and only wants the "next cool toy". Finances are tight so we can't really afford those luxuries right now.

But every night I hug him and remind him of the love we share together. I hope it sinks in. It's the best gift I've ever received, I like to give it away too.

tanyapmc

Amen sista!!! I am right there with you.

Mariposa18

Suzette~ I loved this post by you. Many times I've thought the same thing about my home. Thing is I know many people whose houses are more expensive, prettier, in better neighborhoods. But you know what? A lot of those people are unhappy and struggling. My house isn't *just* a house, but a *home*. My neighborhood isn't the kind you drive through aspiring to buy a home in, but when my son was sick my next door neighbor went out of her way to help me get his medicine. I always feel safe, even when Hubby is traveling out of town. We all say hello to each other and look out for one another. Really, what more can I ask for?

Thanks for reminding me what truly makes a home. Not what you put *in* it, but what you put *into* it. Love~

Coolmummy

Oh my - absolutley! Our next door neighbours drive us insane with their cona=stant re-decorating, newest cars, two, yes two front doors, overcrowded, completely symmetrical garden and conversions every flipping minute of the day! They even try to convince us to change everything! Sod that - our house is a mish mash of kids toys, hand me down furniture and wooden floors that my husband put down himself and that don't fit too well! We haven't decorated properly in years, and the garden is flattened down fromchildren playing for the past 10 years! So what! I love my home, and I love my family!


cm xxxxx

Anna

Suzette,

I was a military wife for 22 years and we moved about 15 times during those years. Each time we moved, things got broken, lost and abandoned. I learned that I could not attach to the bricks and mortar of my home, or even to many of the things in my home. I learned to cherish the photos and books that meant so much to me, and the the rest of it, I let it go. I can make a home pretty much anywhere in a matter of minutes and it's such a freeing feeling.

parentrecovers

so much to be grateful for.

yeahgr8

Yeah i've moved around a lot, live in a lovely house but it's just a house! I guess it must be nice to have a home but it ain't my life as yet;-)

Tommyh

thanks toomuch.

so true,and a great reminder of whats really valuable in life.
I never knew what a real home was untill after I got sober.Today we have one too,altho it is a white double wide trailer out in the country...it still holds love...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3Ngz...layer_embedded

Toomutch

Awhile back a young woman came to our door selling magazines; it was a cold day so I let her in (I know... never let strangers into your home). Anyway I was so glad that I let her in.

My daughter who had recently been complaining about our house and how we need updates etc. We live in a middle class area with some upper-class neighborhoods that feed into our area High School. My daughter has friends in these areas and liked to compare our home to theirs.

Anyway my daughter was with me when the girl came in and sat down. I was filling out the magazine subscription order and I could see the the young woman looking around with an admiring look in her eyes. It was then that she looked at my daughter and said; “You are so lucky to live in such a beautiful home". The expression on my daughters face showed a hint of shame. I think my daughter learned a powerful lesson that day. I haven’t heard her complaining about our home since.

shaun00

i think captain summed it up for me....theres a house and theres a home..the two can be very different..

Back a few years ago when we had a busy business we bought an old nursing home that had gone bust...

A huge victorian with nine bedroom....high celings the lot...but rundown and stripped of all it features.
Over the following 5 years we pored every penny we had in turning it back to a victorian grand house...
When we finished it was stunning....beautiful features and a fireplace in every room.
BUT after a year we couldnt live in it....
It wasnt a "home"....it didnt feel like a home...it felt like a show home.
I enjoyed the project and it kept my out of mischief in early recovery.
But we couldnt live in it.

I like this place in the country......full of dogs and cobwebs....lol..lol
Muddy wellys in the porch and some bats to chase out the house...lol..lol

Im done with posh kitchens and granite work tops......i like my worn surfaces.

Its a bit like my van...i would buy a new one every couple of years....
and i couldnt get in it with muddy boots....dust in it would drive me mad.
And i felt i had to wash it all the time..lol

Now i have an old van....i can get it muddy.....get dog hair in it.......and it feels just right..106000 and still going...and squeaks like an old chair..
i love it.

trucker

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Thanks for this Suzette...I live in an old house, still renovating after years of a bad marriage and no money. There aren't too many folks I allow in..I'll have to rethink that.

Thanks.

x0

camellion

I thank for this post. I sometimes forget that love and caring are the truely ,most important thing that makes a house a home.

Eclipse

Its interesting because I was out for a walk this evening and we have a long driveway that is a mess from the winter. I was thinking we need to get the driveway fixed and we have a partially finished basement, again thinking we need to get it finished, redo some carpet, and stressing myself out cuz this all costs money. After I read this thread when I got back it made me stop and think how lucky I am to live where I do and my kid's friends like to be at our home so we always have a houseful....now that's what its all about.

colagirl

Great post! I often think about all the things I need to have done to my house, what I want to replace, and how to make it look "right", but when people come over the overwhelming comment I get is that it's "so comfortable!"

I agree - I love my house and feel so comfortable here. I just redid my home office and it's the biggest mishmash of patterns you can imagine - paisley arm chair, oriental rug, busy wood slat floor, deep red walls - but I love how it all came together and smile every time I walk in there.

KenL

Thanks Suzette.

When my wife and I were together, divorced now, we lived in a big house. It had 5 bedrooms, 4 baths, 3 car garage, everything. When all was settled out I ended up buying a little rambler. It has 2 bedrooms up and 1 down. There's only one full bath. The previous owners smoked and dropped lit cigarettes on the wood floors. I am in the process of refinishing those. They also left lit cigs on the window sills. I need to fix that too. Lit cigs on the linoleum floor in the kitchen. Yes, I have to fix that as well. The basement had mice, and I solved that problem. The garage is detached and the floor of it is all busted up. When my children first started coming to the house they could barely keep in their emotions about the house, especially Bethany. She couldn't stand it. That hurt.

It hurt because even though it wasn't the 'castle' I used to live in, it was my home. And more than that, it was my kids home. It's not much but it has a nice yard, a quiet street and warm beds. Things are better now that a few years have passed. Bethany is ok with this home now as are the others. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm proud of it. I've come a long way in the past 5 years. I got sober in this home. I love my home.

That's my take.

Thanks again for the thread and reminding me to be thankful for what I have.

Tazman53

Great post, in sobriety my house became my home, my home is where my heart is.