Where i am at
believer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Where i am at
I saw Dee's mia thread reference and thought of saying somethin'. I haven't been around posting, because i'm in a stage in my life when there's really nothing i can say. It's just very painful.
I had a progression breakdown, like Jim Carey said once. I truly feel it applies to me. When the screaming finally came out, i finally said : No You Can't. For all these years i never had boundaries or my space and because i am still a young man, i still have a lot to learn about life and i know better now. In the last months i've done therapy intensively. I've been blessed to find at last someone who is unconditional to me. I went from once a week to three times a week, and basically that's what i'm doing with my life. Getting better. Doing all i can to get better, so i don't lose anymore time to this severe depression that stole hath of my life.
I found out my big problem is the dysfunctional life i grew up in. I thought that if my dad and mom weren't doing anything illegal and if they were respected members of society how could i explain it. It's been a long walk.
Many people say you might never get healed. I don't believe my problems are simply chemical. I know when i heal my spirit it will be fine. I know my spirit has been crushed. I know this that is happening is part of my evolution in this life and i wouldn't be as rich if i didn't get through this. This has given me more compassion. I had to look myself in the eyes and deconstruct the destructive voice. Tear it down and realize the voice of my true healthy spirit that always wanted to speak out needs to spread wings. It all takes a lot of courage. But now that i started it i aint stopping. If i started looking for what got me here then i am finding out. Many people die without doing that. I've been told once that the one that is blessed is the one that asks questions and realizes what he is doing. The one that knows he hurts will be ok, the one that feels. "if it burns it's real".
My friends. I haven't felt the sun like i felt before in 10 years. The colors are different and i miss them. Depression is a terrible, terrible disease. And the worse is that no one understands it. People just classify you as a week person. A doctor once said it's not a disease for everybody, some can't take it. I hold on to HOPE. And i won't give up.
And i've tried. I've sat down every person in my life so they might change their attitude to help stop the pain. I realized people weren't willing to change for me. This doesn't mean i'm not worthy. It means i am worthy of something more from me. Doing what's best now. And after what happened these past weeks, i know my health is first, because my health is what gives me the chance to be alive until i get out of this. I ended up not only discovering i was unwell, but that all these people that think i'm sick, are unwell themselves too.
Saying no is something i didn't know could be this powerful.Saying no is saying yes here.
I know there will be a day when i'll feel the sun again, when i will actually feel alive. I am 24 years old. I've lost most of my youth to it. But my life is just beginning.
That's where i am at. And i have a feeling soon i'll be coming out of the ashes.Maybe it's already happening.
N
I had a progression breakdown, like Jim Carey said once. I truly feel it applies to me. When the screaming finally came out, i finally said : No You Can't. For all these years i never had boundaries or my space and because i am still a young man, i still have a lot to learn about life and i know better now. In the last months i've done therapy intensively. I've been blessed to find at last someone who is unconditional to me. I went from once a week to three times a week, and basically that's what i'm doing with my life. Getting better. Doing all i can to get better, so i don't lose anymore time to this severe depression that stole hath of my life.
I found out my big problem is the dysfunctional life i grew up in. I thought that if my dad and mom weren't doing anything illegal and if they were respected members of society how could i explain it. It's been a long walk.
Many people say you might never get healed. I don't believe my problems are simply chemical. I know when i heal my spirit it will be fine. I know my spirit has been crushed. I know this that is happening is part of my evolution in this life and i wouldn't be as rich if i didn't get through this. This has given me more compassion. I had to look myself in the eyes and deconstruct the destructive voice. Tear it down and realize the voice of my true healthy spirit that always wanted to speak out needs to spread wings. It all takes a lot of courage. But now that i started it i aint stopping. If i started looking for what got me here then i am finding out. Many people die without doing that. I've been told once that the one that is blessed is the one that asks questions and realizes what he is doing. The one that knows he hurts will be ok, the one that feels. "if it burns it's real".
My friends. I haven't felt the sun like i felt before in 10 years. The colors are different and i miss them. Depression is a terrible, terrible disease. And the worse is that no one understands it. People just classify you as a week person. A doctor once said it's not a disease for everybody, some can't take it. I hold on to HOPE. And i won't give up.
And i've tried. I've sat down every person in my life so they might change their attitude to help stop the pain. I realized people weren't willing to change for me. This doesn't mean i'm not worthy. It means i am worthy of something more from me. Doing what's best now. And after what happened these past weeks, i know my health is first, because my health is what gives me the chance to be alive until i get out of this. I ended up not only discovering i was unwell, but that all these people that think i'm sick, are unwell themselves too.
Saying no is something i didn't know could be this powerful.Saying no is saying yes here.
I know there will be a day when i'll feel the sun again, when i will actually feel alive. I am 24 years old. I've lost most of my youth to it. But my life is just beginning.
That's where i am at. And i have a feeling soon i'll be coming out of the ashes.Maybe it's already happening.
N
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Nuno..You always have the most powerful things to say. And I feel it everytime because I know it is a reality that comes deep from your soul.
I really dont know wht I can say except I am glad to see you. And I am always glad to see you finding something positive. In any form. I see hope in your post. As I do everytime.
I know one day a beautiful soul like yours will and can flourish beyond the depths of the darkness.
I cant say enough tho..That outside things cant hurt you unless you let them. I think I see that here.
Much love my friend.
I really dont know wht I can say except I am glad to see you. And I am always glad to see you finding something positive. In any form. I see hope in your post. As I do everytime.
I know one day a beautiful soul like yours will and can flourish beyond the depths of the darkness.
I cant say enough tho..That outside things cant hurt you unless you let them. I think I see that here.
Much love my friend.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Nuno,
It's great to see you here!
And, I'm so glad you are continuing on your journey.
Saying 'No' IS hugely powerful and so important to taking care of yourself. Keep looking after you!
It's great to see you here!
And, I'm so glad you are continuing on your journey.
Saying 'No' IS hugely powerful and so important to taking care of yourself. Keep looking after you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I have a feeling you'll rise up too Nuno - you keep coming back - thats the main thing.
It's good to see you my friend
I missed you
and you and Anna are so right - no is very powerful.
love ya man
D
It's good to see you my friend
I missed you
and you and Anna are so right - no is very powerful.
love ya man
D
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