How Is Everyone Today?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 161
How Is Everyone Today?
It's been a week since I drank last and my fiance left..
I know I'm supposed to focus on bettering myself first and worry about my relationship second. But instead all I think about is her and us not being together..
This sucks.. I'm sober, haven't been carelessly spending money and am back in the gym. But I still feel terrible. I accepted my past and what I have done, knowing that I will not go down that road again.. But the constant fear of losing her forever is crushing me..
I know I'm supposed to focus on bettering myself first and worry about my relationship second. But instead all I think about is her and us not being together..
This sucks.. I'm sober, haven't been carelessly spending money and am back in the gym. But I still feel terrible. I accepted my past and what I have done, knowing that I will not go down that road again.. But the constant fear of losing her forever is crushing me..
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Shawk
Congratulations on being sober. My marriage of 25 years is over but instead of dwelling on that I am working very hard on my sobriety. I now get to do this for myself instead of trying to recover for others. God bless and stay strong.
Congratulations on being sober. My marriage of 25 years is over but instead of dwelling on that I am working very hard on my sobriety. I now get to do this for myself instead of trying to recover for others. God bless and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 179
SHawk, congratulatons on being a non-drinker for 7 days: way to go!
I left a long-term relationship in order to face my drinking problem. Had I stayed, I would have continued to drink and my physical and mental health would be permanently damaged. My partner was not willing to see this, drinks a lot w/o apparent consequences, and was not concerned about my problem--at least not interested in my recovery.
What I am trying to say is that your fiance acted out of love for you and for herself. She cares that alcohol was hurting you and your relationship. Such love is necessary for long-term committment.
Allow your sobriety to happen, and my guess is that the powers that be will allow your relationship with her to remain strong (though perhaps at a distance for few months).
You are strong, can do this, and will be better for it.
I left a long-term relationship in order to face my drinking problem. Had I stayed, I would have continued to drink and my physical and mental health would be permanently damaged. My partner was not willing to see this, drinks a lot w/o apparent consequences, and was not concerned about my problem--at least not interested in my recovery.
What I am trying to say is that your fiance acted out of love for you and for herself. She cares that alcohol was hurting you and your relationship. Such love is necessary for long-term committment.
Allow your sobriety to happen, and my guess is that the powers that be will allow your relationship with her to remain strong (though perhaps at a distance for few months).
You are strong, can do this, and will be better for it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Hi Shawk...
Something about your post brought last fall back for me like a ton of bricks on my head. That is when I got sober. (My first sobriety date was hmmm... Aug 15th, then I drank in October, so my date is Oct 28th.) I am in a graduate program for a career path that I feel very passionately is my "calling". Last summer part of hitting bottom was seeing the writing on the wall that my alcoholism was not allowing me to be successful in school. I stopped drinking right before the semester began but I was such a shaky mess that I ended up failing out, unable to complete some requirements. I was shattered. So many hopes and dreams pinned to getting through and graduating, and then I failed EVEN THOUGH I had stopped drinking. I had not stopped soon enough and felt like it was the end of the world.
People I met in SR and f2f AA helped me get myself together, one day at a time, so that I could stay sober and pursue the process to petition my way back into my academic program. It was months of very hard work on myself, not wigging out in total hysteria and hitting the bottle and giving up as I went through the massive beaurocracy, and resisting my innate ability to be short-sighted and demanding.
In January they accepted me back, with some heavy conditions though, believe you me. The decision was very sudden and I was not sure at all that that was what was going to happen. I realized in this process that I was GRATEFUL for it, that the worst happened, something I wanted so much was lost to me, at that point I thought forever. It got me sober initially, just trying to get back in, but then the sober way of being became the point in and of itself. I thought, huh, whether or not I get to have this profession, I get to live sober. I don't have to go through all that drinking sh!t anymore. I have a shot at a happy, healthy life where I treat myself and the people I love, well.
*shrug* That is how it's been for me. I hope it made sense and was maybe helpful... I just got off night shift so I'm kinda
I'll tell you what people told me... just do the next right thing. Simplify for now. Take deep breaths and follow through on the next action, no matter how small. *hug*
Something about your post brought last fall back for me like a ton of bricks on my head. That is when I got sober. (My first sobriety date was hmmm... Aug 15th, then I drank in October, so my date is Oct 28th.) I am in a graduate program for a career path that I feel very passionately is my "calling". Last summer part of hitting bottom was seeing the writing on the wall that my alcoholism was not allowing me to be successful in school. I stopped drinking right before the semester began but I was such a shaky mess that I ended up failing out, unable to complete some requirements. I was shattered. So many hopes and dreams pinned to getting through and graduating, and then I failed EVEN THOUGH I had stopped drinking. I had not stopped soon enough and felt like it was the end of the world.
People I met in SR and f2f AA helped me get myself together, one day at a time, so that I could stay sober and pursue the process to petition my way back into my academic program. It was months of very hard work on myself, not wigging out in total hysteria and hitting the bottle and giving up as I went through the massive beaurocracy, and resisting my innate ability to be short-sighted and demanding.
In January they accepted me back, with some heavy conditions though, believe you me. The decision was very sudden and I was not sure at all that that was what was going to happen. I realized in this process that I was GRATEFUL for it, that the worst happened, something I wanted so much was lost to me, at that point I thought forever. It got me sober initially, just trying to get back in, but then the sober way of being became the point in and of itself. I thought, huh, whether or not I get to have this profession, I get to live sober. I don't have to go through all that drinking sh!t anymore. I have a shot at a happy, healthy life where I treat myself and the people I love, well.
*shrug* That is how it's been for me. I hope it made sense and was maybe helpful... I just got off night shift so I'm kinda
I'll tell you what people told me... just do the next right thing. Simplify for now. Take deep breaths and follow through on the next action, no matter how small. *hug*
Eternal optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by SHawk25 
It's been a week since I drank last and my fiance left..
This sucks.. I'm sober, haven't been carelessly spending money and am back in the gym. But I still feel terrible. I accepted my past and what I have done, knowing that I will not go down that road again.. But the constant fear of losing her forever is crushing me..
This sucks.. I'm sober, haven't been carelessly spending money and am back in the gym. But I still feel terrible. I accepted my past and what I have done, knowing that I will not go down that road again.. But the constant fear of losing her forever is crushing me..
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
It took a month and a half being sober before my wife started to even converse with me so you are going to have to be patient.
To a certain degree she is testing you and I know you are up for the test.
Congratulations on making it a week and keep it up.
Post everyday if you feel the need but remember patience and hope and you will make it through this.
To a certain degree she is testing you and I know you are up for the test.
Congratulations on making it a week and keep it up.
Post everyday if you feel the need but remember patience and hope and you will make it through this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Hey SHawk—
I don't think it is part of any addicts' assets. I quit drinking once before this time around sort of as an experiment. I didn't even go into it thinking it would be forever. I went into it to see if my life would be better if I didn't drink. I went into it thinking that maybe that was the one thing that I could change and "poof" my life would be better, have meaning, etc. Well, needless to say it didn't work like that and I went back to drinking after four months. I also realize now in retrospect I was what people call "white knuckling it" or just a "dry drunk" and not really in recovery.
So anyways this is my point— before I quit drinking I always wanted something to fix my life. Alcohol for a while did an ok job in the very short term but it was not sustaining and left me alone and very empty. During the time I was drinking and was unhappy I kept looking outside myself for things to change as quick fixes. It never worked. Then I stopped drinking this time and I did not get happy overnight because I realized that that is not how things actually work. But day by day I am feeling less empty, more self-assured, and more solid about myself. However, recovery is not like switching a switch and entering happy lalaland, at least for me— that is how alcohol was, that is not how sustained joy is. Also recovery is about learning to feel the highs and the lows, the entire spectrum of emotion, the good with the bad. And often especially in the beginning there is a whole lot of bad to wade through. I know that I did not have much practice in tolerating bad feelings and that has been a major part of my recovery— learning to deal with the discomfort that I previously tried to chase away with booze. Discomfort is a part of life, like it or not, and I gotta deal. I guess I just want to say that you might feel terrible for awhile but that is okay— there is light at the end of the tunnel— trust me. I still feel terrible some days but I feel better too and stronger.
but patience isn't one of my assets..
So anyways this is my point— before I quit drinking I always wanted something to fix my life. Alcohol for a while did an ok job in the very short term but it was not sustaining and left me alone and very empty. During the time I was drinking and was unhappy I kept looking outside myself for things to change as quick fixes. It never worked. Then I stopped drinking this time and I did not get happy overnight because I realized that that is not how things actually work. But day by day I am feeling less empty, more self-assured, and more solid about myself. However, recovery is not like switching a switch and entering happy lalaland, at least for me— that is how alcohol was, that is not how sustained joy is. Also recovery is about learning to feel the highs and the lows, the entire spectrum of emotion, the good with the bad. And often especially in the beginning there is a whole lot of bad to wade through. I know that I did not have much practice in tolerating bad feelings and that has been a major part of my recovery— learning to deal with the discomfort that I previously tried to chase away with booze. Discomfort is a part of life, like it or not, and I gotta deal. I guess I just want to say that you might feel terrible for awhile but that is okay— there is light at the end of the tunnel— trust me. I still feel terrible some days but I feel better too and stronger.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 100
Shawk, I know how you feel buddy. My fiance and I nearly split this morning due to my behaviour in a bar last night...
I have told her that I'm stopping for good, and I won't even be around her if she drinks...
Keep going man... get yourself better, you're number one.
I have told her that I'm stopping for good, and I won't even be around her if she drinks...
Keep going man... get yourself better, you're number one.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 102
Originally Posted by SHawk25
Thank you all.. I'm a laid back man, but patience isn't one of my assets..
vicieux extraordinaire
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 205
Hey man - good to see you around.
Things will find the way to get sorted out as long as you truly feel better about yourself.
So, feel free to keep your sobriety up and your re-building. Then everything else
will fall into place: or not, in the worst case scenario. Any other way, by then you will
have more tools and know yourself a lot more to be able to face it all:
Wherever is sorrow or happiness.
Keep doing all this for yourself and you will be golden
All the best!
Things will find the way to get sorted out as long as you truly feel better about yourself.
So, feel free to keep your sobriety up and your re-building. Then everything else
will fall into place: or not, in the worst case scenario. Any other way, by then you will
have more tools and know yourself a lot more to be able to face it all:
Wherever is sorrow or happiness.
Keep doing all this for yourself and you will be golden
All the best!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
You know what? If we were to take a poll I would bet 90 plus percent of us were and are still somewhat very short of patience. I think it might be yet another trait we have in common. I KNOW I am definitely very short on patience. Put an offer in on a house and have to wait 2 days for either their acceptance or counter offer. Its killing me!! Just saying I understand the lack of patience. I do think it can be developed though.
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Hey SHawk, something about this thread and the sentiments you expressed in the opening post made me think of a quote from the movie, No Country For Old Men...
"Well all the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it."
I can really relate to that quote, particularly after my drinking career and what it cost me (a few jobs, a few friendships, and my self-respect to name a few) and it looks like that's what you're trying to do, just stop the bleeding. Hopefully, you will get your woman back, but if not at least you did what you had to do to save your own life and prevent similiar heartaches in the future. Sadly, some people never even get that far. I've been enjoying reading your story.
"Well all the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it."
I can really relate to that quote, particularly after my drinking career and what it cost me (a few jobs, a few friendships, and my self-respect to name a few) and it looks like that's what you're trying to do, just stop the bleeding. Hopefully, you will get your woman back, but if not at least you did what you had to do to save your own life and prevent similiar heartaches in the future. Sadly, some people never even get that far. I've been enjoying reading your story.
Last edited by getr345; 03-16-2009 at 01:38 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by getr345
Hey SHawk, something about this thread and the sentiments you expressed in the opening post made me think of a quote from the movie, No Country For Old Men...
"Well all the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it."
I can really relate to that quote, particularly after my drinking career and what it cost me (a few jobs, a few friendships, and my self-respect to name a few) and it looks like that's what you're trying to do, just stop the bleeding. Hopefully, you will get your woman back, but if not at least you did what you had to do to save your own life and prevent similiar heartaches in the future. I've been enjoying reading your story.
"Well all the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it."
I can really relate to that quote, particularly after my drinking career and what it cost me (a few jobs, a few friendships, and my self-respect to name a few) and it looks like that's what you're trying to do, just stop the bleeding. Hopefully, you will get your woman back, but if not at least you did what you had to do to save your own life and prevent similiar heartaches in the future. I've been enjoying reading your story.
Actually 2 guys for MN did that movie. Was good.
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