This is really hard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
This is really hard.
I had 23 days without a drink, then went out last night. I went ot a birthday party that was held for my 50th birthday, which is on the 19th of this month. The party was planned back in early February, so I knew everyone would be drinking, but I went anyway, because I felt it would not be right to not show up at a party held in my honor. I actually struggled with my decision for days prior to the party, but finally just decided to go and do the best I could. I ended up drinking, which I knew I probably would, however it was not the same as before. For some reason which I don't understand, I really didn't enjoy drinking, it didn't have the same effect as before. Now, I can't even drink and cop a buzz, what's up with that?
One thing I learned during my 23 days is that I do much better without alcohol screwing up my head, and even today I feel better knowing the party is behind me and I can start afresh today. Maybe next year, I can plan ahead for a big juicy steak, and wash it down with ice tea.
I apologise to everyone here that I let down. I am going to get back on track, starting today. Screwing up again really su*ks.
One thing I learned during my 23 days is that I do much better without alcohol screwing up my head, and even today I feel better knowing the party is behind me and I can start afresh today. Maybe next year, I can plan ahead for a big juicy steak, and wash it down with ice tea.
I apologise to everyone here that I let down. I am going to get back on track, starting today. Screwing up again really su*ks.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
There's no question that recovery is hard, Firestorm.
I tried going to a neighborhood party after a few weeks of sobriety. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't want to let my husband down. It was a miserable evening for me, but I didn't drink. However, I was so stressed and the next morning went out and bought wine. After that, I knew I had to make the choice to make serious changes in my life. Use this as a learning experience and grow from it.
I tried going to a neighborhood party after a few weeks of sobriety. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't want to let my husband down. It was a miserable evening for me, but I didn't drink. However, I was so stressed and the next morning went out and bought wine. After that, I knew I had to make the choice to make serious changes in my life. Use this as a learning experience and grow from it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
My recovery is very important to me
Its so nice not to be on that roller-
coaster and merry-go-round with
highs and lows of drinking.
In early recovery it was suggested
to stay away from people, places
and things that would remind me
or tempt me with drinking.
I made a huge effort on my part
to take care of myself and put
my recovery on top of the list
of importance.
People around me such as family
and friends had no idea that I
had a problem with alcohol....
Later i learned that it didnt matter
what they thought. This was about
me right now....
It may be difficult at first, but now
that u have a taste of what sobriety
is drinking will NEVER be the same.
It has literally screwed up ur drinking
career.
You have the knowledge of what
to do now to keep urself sober and
going with ur gut instinct is probably
right.....
If ur gut tells u there will be drinking
at a party.....for me thats a awarning
sign there....i cant drink normally like
others and i feel uncomfortable being
around others that do....
Here i am sober and to speak to some-
one with alcohol or drugs in their
system is like speaking to someone
on a different plain....
They r under the enfluence and
are not rational in speaking and
actions as to someone sober or
not drinking.
I cant for myself to be placed
in situations that would make
me squirrely even as much sobriety
as i have now....its too dangerous
for me.
The safe way for me is to keeep
my distance for ALL things dealing
with alcohol.
If u dont want to hurt others feelings,
but u want to keep ur sobriety....think
hard of whats more important to u....
There r ways to get around situations
like that without giving away ur anonymity.
If i were invited, i would simply say
something has come up and wont be
able to make the party. Ur not lying
to them which is very important
because if u lie then u will later have
to make amends....so the thing that
had come up was an AA or NA meeting
which i would be going to.....For
the friends u had something come up
at the last minute and i would not
be able to make the party but thanks
for the invite. Ill catch u sometime
down the road which could be ...
I dont know when.
See I didnt
set myself upand took care of me
and didnt hurt anyones feelings...
And if it does hurt feeling....well
thats not my problem....my recovery
is top priority.
Its so nice not to be on that roller-
coaster and merry-go-round with
highs and lows of drinking.
In early recovery it was suggested
to stay away from people, places
and things that would remind me
or tempt me with drinking.
I made a huge effort on my part
to take care of myself and put
my recovery on top of the list
of importance.
People around me such as family
and friends had no idea that I
had a problem with alcohol....
Later i learned that it didnt matter
what they thought. This was about
me right now....
It may be difficult at first, but now
that u have a taste of what sobriety
is drinking will NEVER be the same.
It has literally screwed up ur drinking
career.
You have the knowledge of what
to do now to keep urself sober and
going with ur gut instinct is probably
right.....
If ur gut tells u there will be drinking
at a party.....for me thats a awarning
sign there....i cant drink normally like
others and i feel uncomfortable being
around others that do....
Here i am sober and to speak to some-
one with alcohol or drugs in their
system is like speaking to someone
on a different plain....
They r under the enfluence and
are not rational in speaking and
actions as to someone sober or
not drinking.
I cant for myself to be placed
in situations that would make
me squirrely even as much sobriety
as i have now....its too dangerous
for me.
The safe way for me is to keeep
my distance for ALL things dealing
with alcohol.
If u dont want to hurt others feelings,
but u want to keep ur sobriety....think
hard of whats more important to u....
There r ways to get around situations
like that without giving away ur anonymity.
If i were invited, i would simply say
something has come up and wont be
able to make the party. Ur not lying
to them which is very important
because if u lie then u will later have
to make amends....so the thing that
had come up was an AA or NA meeting
which i would be going to.....For
the friends u had something come up
at the last minute and i would not
be able to make the party but thanks
for the invite. Ill catch u sometime
down the road which could be ...
I dont know when.
See I didnt set myself upand took care of me
and didnt hurt anyones feelings...
And if it does hurt feeling....well
thats not my problem....my recovery
is top priority.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 124
I've struggled with this kind of situation as well. I'm very prone to the pressure (usually self-inflicted) of being around others drinking and either having a terrible time not drinking or giving in and drinking. Right now I have 12 days sober. A very close friend is getting married next month. Other than family, I'm his only friend attending. What I've done is call him already to tell him I've stopped drinking and concerned about his wedding. He said don't worry about it, that he's going to drink the toast and that's it. I was dreading the wedding until we talked and now I feel somewhat better. I'm trying to just accept it will be a little weird for me and awkward (I usually need a buzz to get through these events). Bottom line: just for that day I'm choosing not to drink.
ps. finding some of these posts very helpful, especially giving permission simply not to attend.
ps. finding some of these posts very helpful, especially giving permission simply not to attend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Thanks everyone for not biting my head off, although that may be warranted.
The really sick part of all of this is when the thoughts occurred to just end my affiliation with this group, delete it from my bookmarks, and forget the whole idea of staying sober. That's the way I think sometimes, even though I really enjoy not being hung over when I get up to start my day. I really struggled to post this, because I didn't want to say I'd fallen on my arse again. So, as a conciliation, I went to the market and bought a three pack of rib eye steaks, and am cooking them on the grill in between posting and reading here. I'm having steak and eggs for breakfast, as a reward for putting my dirty laundry out for the world to see, kinda crazy huh?
It really does help to have all of the support you have so freely extended to me. If it weren't for this group, I probably would have just felt like total dog crap and popped open a beer to kill the regret, remorse, and guilt I had over drinking. That's my usual m.o., but today I'll stick with eating a good breakfast instead.
Thanks for being my friends.
The really sick part of all of this is when the thoughts occurred to just end my affiliation with this group, delete it from my bookmarks, and forget the whole idea of staying sober. That's the way I think sometimes, even though I really enjoy not being hung over when I get up to start my day. I really struggled to post this, because I didn't want to say I'd fallen on my arse again. So, as a conciliation, I went to the market and bought a three pack of rib eye steaks, and am cooking them on the grill in between posting and reading here. I'm having steak and eggs for breakfast, as a reward for putting my dirty laundry out for the world to see, kinda crazy huh?
It really does help to have all of the support you have so freely extended to me. If it weren't for this group, I probably would have just felt like total dog crap and popped open a beer to kill the regret, remorse, and guilt I had over drinking. That's my usual m.o., but today I'll stick with eating a good breakfast instead.
Thanks for being my friends.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I am happy to see that you had the courage to come back and own up to it.
as you said it would have been a lot easier to just leave and never return as I am sure some others have done.
You are now on the right track again and those 23 days have not been wasted since you know that living sober is pretty good.
If you feel like drinking again come here first and let us talk you out of it.
as you said it would have been a lot easier to just leave and never return as I am sure some others have done.
You are now on the right track again and those 23 days have not been wasted since you know that living sober is pretty good.
If you feel like drinking again come here first and let us talk you out of it.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I had the same experience,but I kept going back for more misery.Finally I gave it up.
For years,I was miserable drinking or not drinking.I kept thinking I could enjoy my drinking,but the fun was gone.
Today I see that experience as a awesome teacher.I could go get a drink,but the effects will be the same.It will not bring happiness or joy to my life today.
Just like you,I found sobriety...and a happier way to live.
That experience may have you feeling down now,but if you think of another drink soon,try and remember what that experience was like.If it helps you stay sober,it was a good thing.
For years,I was miserable drinking or not drinking.I kept thinking I could enjoy my drinking,but the fun was gone.
Today I see that experience as a awesome teacher.I could go get a drink,but the effects will be the same.It will not bring happiness or joy to my life today.
Just like you,I found sobriety...and a happier way to live.
That experience may have you feeling down now,but if you think of another drink soon,try and remember what that experience was like.If it helps you stay sober,it was a good thing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
You didn't let anyone down, Firestorm. As a matter of fact your postings of honesty and truth this early in sobriety are inspiring and commendable. Yeah, you drank - but you're back! And better than ever!
Just try not to make a habit of it....drinking that is... keep posting
Mike
Just try not to make a habit of it....drinking that is... keep posting
Mike
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
"...One thing I learned during my 23 days is that I do much better without alcohol screwing up my head..."
You learned another real important lesson too.....I've found, in my experience, that there are two groups of folks in recovery (at least in early recovery).....: 1) those who need to stay away from alcohol for a while, and away from social situations where alcohol is included (the times are different for everybody); and 2) those for whom being around alcohol doesn't affect them at all.
It would appear that you're in group #1. Now, this doesn't mean that you'll never be able to be around alcohol and/or folks enjoying their drinks; it just means that for a while (up to you as to how long this will be----obviously 23 days is not long enough.....lol). Just be honest with yourself and having a sponsor--if using AA--or a good support group.....You will know when it's time; just don't try to talk yourself into to short a time, but also don't talk yourself into too long a time either.....Honest.....you will know when it's time.... (o:
It's good that you're back on the horse (so-to-speak), so just keep trudging along.....
NoelleR
You learned another real important lesson too.....I've found, in my experience, that there are two groups of folks in recovery (at least in early recovery).....: 1) those who need to stay away from alcohol for a while, and away from social situations where alcohol is included (the times are different for everybody); and 2) those for whom being around alcohol doesn't affect them at all.
It would appear that you're in group #1. Now, this doesn't mean that you'll never be able to be around alcohol and/or folks enjoying their drinks; it just means that for a while (up to you as to how long this will be----obviously 23 days is not long enough.....lol). Just be honest with yourself and having a sponsor--if using AA--or a good support group.....You will know when it's time; just don't try to talk yourself into to short a time, but also don't talk yourself into too long a time either.....Honest.....you will know when it's time.... (o:
It's good that you're back on the horse (so-to-speak), so just keep trudging along.....
NoelleR
(It's a good thing though!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey thanks everybody,
You guys and gals are the best!! I feel much better knowing I'm not sleeping out in the cold by myself tonight, cuase you guys didn't kick me to the curb.
The other good news is I still have three days to be 49, lol, so I'm not over the hill quite yet, lol. And like Noelle and the rest of you have said, I did learn some important lessons, and now have a clearer understanding of what I really want and like, such as steering clear of temptation for awhile, and enjoying each morning clear headed, with no hangovers. Actually, today I didn't feel hungover, just tired and out-of-sorts a bit, till I came here and got back on track. It feels good to be on course again.
I really appreciate all of you here. It's great to know that, regardless of how things are going, we can come together and help each other over the bumps we encounter each day. That's the real meaning of family to me.
Just don't call me Gramps, yet, lol, at least till Friday, lol.
You guys and gals are the best!! I feel much better knowing I'm not sleeping out in the cold by myself tonight, cuase you guys didn't kick me to the curb.
The other good news is I still have three days to be 49, lol, so I'm not over the hill quite yet, lol. And like Noelle and the rest of you have said, I did learn some important lessons, and now have a clearer understanding of what I really want and like, such as steering clear of temptation for awhile, and enjoying each morning clear headed, with no hangovers. Actually, today I didn't feel hungover, just tired and out-of-sorts a bit, till I came here and got back on track. It feels good to be on course again.
I really appreciate all of you here. It's great to know that, regardless of how things are going, we can come together and help each other over the bumps we encounter each day. That's the real meaning of family to me.
Just don't call me Gramps, yet, lol, at least till Friday, lol.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Um, I'm probably not the first to point this out, but 50 is the new 35. Hadn't you heard? At least that's what I choose to believe. Once I started thinking of alcohol as poison and something to be wary of, the party was over. I never could relax & have fun with it anymore. I still tried, though - but that carefree buzzed feeling wasn't coming back. I think getting older, we really can't metabolize it the way we once did. It just made me sick and miserable in the end. I know you're going to make it, Fire. Congratulations on your decision.
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