least

I'll be beside you every step of the way!:ghug3 We can do this together!

stone

Thanks again.

My last drink was Monday I think, so I am still recovering from that, it was worse than usual, 2 or more bottles (spirits) a day for 4 or 5 days I think. To drink that amount when you haven't built up a tolerance by being a daily drinker is what kills us binge drinkers, we do it once too often and something just "goes", organ failure.
To be totally blacked out for days at a time is just insane too. Despite almost drinking like a normal person for the first half of last year the evidence is all there....I am not a normal drinker and never will be. AA has that part right, many alcoholics will pursue the illusion of trying to drink normally to insanity and death, and I am of that type. Something in me just clings to that illusion and it has to be smashed.
I am still concerned that after a month or two I have the tedency to believe that illusion, it scares me, maybe being scared is good. This is hopefully where this thread comes in, by posting here most days I am reminding myself how serious this is and "just tonight" is not a sane or acceptable thought.

Aardvark mentioned going back to the gym and I have been meaning to for a while but am just going to do the Wii-Fit for now, plus some stretching and walks. I am trying to eat better too.

Thanks again for your support everyone, it means a lot.

nogard

good onya Paul. I am here if you want to talk or vent or whatever.

Kevin

Dee74

wow that is serious.

I'm glad you have this thread Paul.

D

laurie6781

(((((Paul)))))

I am glad you haven't given up.

This thread is a GREAT idea!!!!

Knowing how you feel about AA, and seeing that it really isn't 'your cup of tea', have you ever gone to the Smart Recovery Site????

SMART Recovery® | Help with Alcohol, Drug, and Other Addictions

I have several friends that are doing really well maintaining their sobriety by using SMART, it might be worth a shot????

One thing you can take with you anywhere is One Day At A Time. That is all any of us do it really.

Love and hugs,

stone

Hi Laurie, I have downloaded some Smart stuff and it is OK, very much based on CBT, challenging irrational thoughts, changing irrational beliefs etc. Probably good stuff to read when the insane "one night will be OK" thoughts hit.

And yes, one day at a time still applies.

IO Storm

My dear Stoney..

How proud I am of you for starting this thread!

I know it took courage. And, that you know "something" has to change. You have

been my friend from Day 1 here...and have all my support. I can relate to you

in so many ways..the black out drinking..I did it while I had cirhhosis.

There is a purpose why people like you, I and so many others are here..today,

and we have been brought together on SR, Stoney..for a reason.

To help one one another.

I believe it ..I do!

I love you, my friend, and congrats on your new thread.

grateful2b

Stone, good on you..great idea...I am happy to see this thread

Horselover

This is really a great idea Stone and I agree it is serious. Do you have anyone that can hold you accountable? I know it would have been very hard if I had to do it on my own. I KNOW its done, but I would have found it a lot harder. I also like Jules' suggestion of pursuing your photography talent. It is a God given talent for sure. I've lurked on "Bottoms" and seen it. I happen to live in an artist area and your pictures definitely rival the artists in this area. Oh and btw, they are very good too so that's telling you something. I like the idea of following your passion.

IO Storm

Yes, Stoney.

Your talent is phenomenal.

Hevyn

Paul, I'm sure this will prove to be very therapeutic - what a terrific plan. Everyone else has already said the good stuff, so I'll just send love and tell you I'd admire you for insisting on not letting this damn disease claim your life. You are loved and needed here.

gypsytears

I'm very proud of you for starting this serious thread. A lot of good sharing has been exchanged already and I hope to see more of it. Moving forward babes. Doing what works. Dropping what doesn't. I am behind you, or by your side. Whichever you prefer.

My advice is still the same... and it's simple. Just don't drink. Ever.

Simple eh? Now to figure out how to do it. And you/we will .

Rusty Zipper

at'a boy stone'y... Bottoms Up!

lets have a toast (non alcoholic) to no more Booze!

Cheers Blymy!

tanyapmc

I'm here to support you Paul. Alcoholism and addiction is SERIOUS business.

frstnm

Stone
You also have my contact info as well. I think I read on Bottoms that he had made the same offer. USE the #s or emails. If you get to the point where you already have your shoes on, buy a coffee and walk towards a meeting (whether there is going to be one going on or not) there will probably be someone there who is one of us and you could have the human contact/ interaction we all need. See how many people thanked your first post and hare here to support youz ???!!!!

I picked up my second 9 month chip last night. It hasnt been easy but the good times really are better. Words cant explain it but it IS GOOD.

stone

Thanks guys.

I haven't responded to many posts individidually but want to say that I agree with everyones advice/suggestions and REALLY appreciate the support, I was at a low ebb and it has really helped boost me.

As I mentioned, the idea of this thread is a kind of recovery journal, I don't expect a cheerleading thing going on, but everyone is welcome post. I need those posts kept serious because this IS serious, I don't need another "Bottoms" thread. I will still be posting the usual inane banter in Bottoms though.

Congrats on your 9 months Scott!

This morning I woke up very fuzzy headed, I am gonna spend the day tidying/cleaning the house, this will keep me active and improve my environment. I am still less than a week sober and not feeling right yet so this is a good plan for today. Also, walk, Wii-fit and meditate.

Just another day.

When did the 3 smiley rule come back?!

PS
Thanks for the compliments on my photography, I don't think I am that good really but one day it would be really nice to make a living from it. Gonna take time and practice though, lots.

IO Storm

Good for you for today's journaling Stoney...

Oooooh..so hard for the codie in me to refrain from the advice thing.

(Cheerleading stuff..keep it serious IO)

I will say...great to have a plan for the day!

And sticking to your plan..exercise..meditation..

Take good care today, see ya later.

stone

Hi Sher, I did the Wii-Fit and a lot of cleaning and tidying, feeling pretty tired which is good.

You can give advice if you like, I might not take it though. Just keep it serial.

IO Storm

No advice today..I am just glad you are journaling here.

All you get from me.. is support.

And hugs... lol

Love ya Stoney..see you tomorrow.

i edited

stone

Nice edit Sher.