SHawk25

I haven't seen a cut and dry explanation of what an alcoholic is.. But if I'd have to provide an opinionated answer than I'll say no.

I believe I developed a bad drinking habit with drinking by putting myslef in bad environments. If I'm explaining myself right, not sure.. But if I'm out with a group that is doing some light drinking, then that is what I'll do. And at the end of the night I'm not craving more.. But if I'm with a group the is drinking heavily, then that is what I'll do as well.. The problem is I've been hanging out with the heavy drinkers often, so I drank alot with them often.

WHEN she comes back (Being optimistic), I know I will not have a problem. For starters I am taking off a full year of a drop of alcohol. Then I'll decide what how I want to handle myself from there.

I drank with the guys to have fun. That's a problem I've always had. Even before I ever started drinking.. I've put having fun as my first priority in life, that is something else I am working on..

Not sure if alcohol really did anything for me.. I didn't drink to feel better about myself or cause I felt like I needed to..

My relationship/family, building my finances, a fit life style will take place of the drinking..

Yes, my memory of the past decade that I basiclly ruined hanging out with friends at the bar and how I feel now and how I chased her away and how I hurt her will definitely be enough for me not to wanna go back to the over drinking habit.. (Worlds longest sentence)

Fubarcdn

I have a good feeling that your relationship is going to work out.
If my wife can forgive me so can your fiancee.
One doesn't have to be an alcoholic to have a drinking problem and it sounds like you are committed to solving the problems that drinking has caused you.
Good luck and WHEN she takes you back make sure you let us know. We are all rooting for you.

SHawk25

Thank you I needed to hear that this morning. I am going to my parents today to talk to them in person for the first time since this happened.. I'm nervous, embarrassed, ashamed.. My parents are great, they've always been there for me. It's just gonna be hard to look them in the eyes and tell them how I've failed..

Fubarcdn

Good luck with that. I hope that your parents will be supporting. I can't even imagine how hard that would be. You are a brave man.
Cleaning up the mess from our drinking sucks.
I know I don't have to say the obvious so I won't because I know you won't get the urge right now.
Let us know how it went when you get back from your parents.
We are all in your corner.

flutter

You haven't failed, if you put in 100% effort to kick this thing out of your life once and for all. You mentioned a year "break" from drinking.. I know my husband would be absolutely heartbroken and scared if I returned to it. I wonder how that will go for you, I can only hope for the best.

I understand your resistance to labeling yourself, I am the same way. My bottom line is that nothing good came into my life from drinking. I never regret not drinking. That is why I decided to live alcohol free, for good. I'm sure you've googled the umpteen "are you an alcoholic" survey/tests out there.. my thinking is you're scoring pretty darn high on those considering the information you've shared... but again, it's what you do from here that counts.

Why would you drink again? Why is it so important to continue after the hell you have been through? I don't get that part.. but again, during active dependency our minds tell us some pretty irrational things to keep the ball rolling. In this thread alone you have already gone from "quitting drinking for good" to "quitting for a year"

I wish you luck.. and I hope for you and for your girl that at some point you might make a stronger committment to releasing something that has almost prevented you from being married, caused you shame with your family, hurt feelings, created chaos in your life, caused sadness, guilt, regret.. If it were anything else, say a "friend" causing these things in your life, would you welcome them into it after a break? I really hope you get the chance to do this right, for yourself, and for the girl standing out there heartbroken and hopeful..

SHawk25

Well I had a short visit with my dad. I came unannounced my mom wasn't home, but I did speak with her breifly on the phone..

It's tough, they're always supportive of me and on my side. And I don't think they are willing to accept that the reason our wedding is off is all my fault.

So maybe next weekend when I'm feeling better (I have a cold, plus my mind just isn't all there. Miss her too much) I can have a better talk with them to help them realize why she was driven away be my actions..

mle-sober

So, it sounds like you feel like you had a problem with drinking because of the company you were keeping. And because you were putting "having fun" above other things in your life.

I will be honest with you (as you have been with us). I think you were most likely keeping company with those heavy drinkers because you got to drink heavily when you were with them. Instead of having it be the other way around - that you drank heavily because you were hanging out with them.

Your definition of "having fun" is dependant on your strong desire to drink heavily. My guess is that most non-alcoholic people don't define "having fun" that way. I recall justifying my drinking exactly the same way in my college years.

I think you are doing the right thing by quitting drinking (Flutter has a good point about you saying you're quitting for good and then quitting for a year). And I hope that you don't resent your girlfriend and feel like you're not allowed to "have fun" while you're not drinking.

My guess is that you'll find that when you re-introduce alcohol into your life, you will again begin to experience problems controlling your drinking. I may be wrong. I hope I'm wrong.

I know you are trying hard and that you are going through a difficult time right now. I commend you, again, for making a sincere effort to improve your life and be attentive to the negative role that alcohol has played in your life.

SHawk25

I spoke to my mom today through email.. After yesterdays visit and phone call. I sensed that my parents were a little bitter with my ex (temporary) for leaving the way she did. But after we talked they aren't, which I'm glad for. They hope we can work things out.

I wanted to make sure my parents understood that I was the problem.. That I drank too much too often and didn't help her pay for the wedding expenses cause I was blowing my money in the bars..

No one is perfect, be she was very close to it. She never did anything but love and support me. And I take full responsibility for screwing everyting up.

ToABetterMe

Wishing you all the best. I really hope you guys can get through this & become stronger for it!

Believe808

Shawk, Please do this for yourself, and don't look at it as not drinking for your lifetime, just do it one day at a time. If we look at it as staying sober for our lifetime, that is too long, Just for today I will not drink or drug. Just for today I will work my program to the best I can. Donna