dslalonde

after much research, i do know he is on crack. He has all the symptoms and i do have to admit to it. He has always claimed it was only pot, but pot does not promote this type of behavior. I will try not to fix his problems anymore.I will also try not to preach and harp on his finances. It is funny about the phone, he has lost 2 already this year. last weekend was the latest, when he disappeared all weekend. I gave him my old one and told him to activate it. how stupid of me! so afraid it is our only string to him. Can't get out of bed until noon. then just lounges around the rest of the day. I couldn't understand this, how boring, a healthy 19 year old, it would drive me nuts!
But it doesn't. And the sex part about a crack addict is him. I accidentally was sent a text by him last week, and could not believe the language. Who is he????? Not my son.
I approached him and told him how disgusting this is. And i pay for this service. He looks at me as if i am totally stupid, saying it was someone else. His last breakdown, during the holidays consisted of us having him arrested due to him hallucinating and roaming around the yard, (we have a pool and was afraid he would fall in). My husband tried to bring him in the house, and he fought like a wild man and hit then bit my husband. Spent 4 days in jail and 5 days in acute care facility. $5000 later, we are back to square one.
after reading all this today, articles in crack reality, i guess i will have to accept that we may never get our son back, but what i am doing is not working, so i need to stop, just stop, and let whatever happens, happen. I'm afraid we will have to face another verbal abusive scenerio telling us how horrible we are, you know, the gut punching,for a parent, and i will have to walk away or have the cops come escort him out.

dslalonde

No, Sailor John, you are exactly what i need. I immediately went to your requested web site, and unfortunately, this is MY SON. Hallucinations, weight lost, sleeping, sex, it is all right there. Actually, i need sailor john.............I think there is more to Sailor john than any of you know.
Thank you John

grateful2b

Susan, it is so hard for us, as parents to watch the dreams we have for them die before our eyes...
but when we can accept the truth of their lives , and get to where we need to be, we can affect change in our own way..
I lived the insanity you speak of and my heart goes out to you, ....hugs and prayers

mle-sober

I'm just a drunk.

I am coming from the perspective of the addict. And a mom of 4 boys.

I was totally buried in my addiction. There is nothing that anyone could have done for me. In the years that others excused my drinking, I only got worse and worse. When my husband finally refused to look away or to tolerate it at all - I finally reached a place where I had to admit I was utterly powerless and my life was unmanagable and I needed help. As long as my life felt manageable, I was able to avoid facing up to my addiction.

I'm not trying to say that withdrawing your support from your son would be easy.

But I am saying that your enabling of his addiction is actually harmful to him. The enabling you are doing is making yourself feel better but is not helping him. The best thing you can do for him is to stop supporting his habit.

Another thought - I know you are afraid of suicide or him dying on the street. But his life is at risk right NOW. His life is at risk in a very serious way right now.

Withdrawing your support from his life and choices is taking action. It's a positive contribution to his well-being. It's not an abandonment like you may think of it. In a way, maintaining your current level of support is an abandonment of hope that he is strong enough to fight his way out of this. He sounds like a pretty strong guy. My bet is he can do it.

mle-sober

ok.

lovinmenow

Hi D,
I really hope you don't mind me asking if he has ever been arrested. What he is doing is illegal. He could go to jail. That would be rock bottom. Maybe straighten out there. Last week on that show Intervention, they had a girl named Christie who was an addict and after she didn't complete treatment her family called the police and sent her to jail. No drugs in jail!

Please do not be offended by my asking. I have a 20 year old and I don't know what I would do if he was an addict. I love him more than life itself and it would break my heart. I really feel for you right now. I hope things turn out ok. He just needs some time away from drugs. Maybe 90 day rehab or something.

Givin ya a big hug!

yeahgr8

IMO 3 months rehab somewhere or we will have to let you go out and hit rock bottom. Take him to NA/AA, one of the open meetings and ask some of the people there to explain what rock bottom is and how they go there. If that is not enough for him to walk in with you to rehab then protect yourself from this and as someone has saif Family and Friends section will help you. If he moves out, then when he contacts you first sentence will be 'Hi Son, ready for rehab yet...'

sailorjohn

Well, not sure about that, but it's a very odd coincidence.

wanttolive

Best of luck to you dslalonde with your son. My ex the father of my children was addicted to crack. I think probably still is. But besides that point you must be going through he** right now and you have my empathy. As parents we do the best job we can and when we watch them suffer it has to be the hardest thing on earth.

I didn't mean anything personally to other posters just the fact that it has to be the hardest thing to watch your child go down like that. Sorry if I offended anyone.

Serenity Bound

[quote=wanttolive;2146514
just the fact that it has to be the hardest thing to watch your child go down like that. quote]

It is one of the hardest things a parent can go thru, it is like watching your child slowly die. And we DO need to hear the tough stuff and learn how to LET GO!

Thanks to SR & my Nar-anon/Al-alon meetings, I'm a work in progress.

yeahgr8

Don't want to post the same stuff as last post on this thread, i was that 19 year old and my mother went to Al anon and church, this is a great thing to do to help yourself. So you going to find a 3 month rehab for him? It would have been more difficult for my family to have done that almost 20 years sgo with no google etc. but now it's very straight forward. Just a thought you can't just say 'fancy going to rehab', he is sick and won't know what is best for him.

http://www.journeyrecoverycenters.com

http://www.drug-rehabs.com

Latte

You don't want to love him to death.

Addiction kills people if they don't get help, it doesn't always kill quickly. I have several friends who are slowly dieing slow deaths from years of alcohol and drug abuse and it is a painful death. The alcoholic in my life is my father and his alcoholism caused his medical condition that is robbing of time, control of his body, and the ability to be involved with my two children.

The sooner he gets help (either forced by you withdrawing support or by choice) the sooner he can become a happy, healthy, clean and sober person.

My prayers are with you.