In recovery but am I recovering?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Just outside Madison, WI
Posts: 30
In recovery but am I recovering?
Hello all.....
It's really nice to be here!
I stopped using opiates on 8/6/06, did intensive outpatient, some groups, lots of research and reading, therapy, etc.....and while I'm "in recovery," it is occurring to me that I don't think I'm "recovering." I hear others talk about their old habits, patterns of thinking, etc....and how they are able to integrate all of this into the person they are today. I hear how they learned to forgive (HUGE one for me), worked this step and that step, and I don't feel any of that.....or I'm not able to do that yet.....I don't feel I have worked the "steps" and I'm not sure if that is what I actually need or not! I am very sensitive, cry easy (internalize everything), and am not able to forgive myself for a lot of things. I have low self esteem and I am a Christian that is hungry for the Word, other Christians, and anything else related to God! Forgiveness is huge for me in terms of recovery but mostly for my Christianity.
I am here with a very clear goal: to learn to forgive; to let go of the past, to be more kind and patient, etc....probably everything that is in the 12 steps! Do I need to work the steps, do some meetings, etc....??? Whatever you think or know from experience is welcome. Not to sound selfish, but I also will help others with anything that I have to offer! I love helping/supporting others but feel as though I really need the help this time and may not be the most helpful.
Also, just to add a tidbit here; my husband (22 years) has problems with drinking and we both have infidelity issues; have been separated for 4 months. Because of my Christianity I refuse to divorce at this time and feel I must go home "for better or worse" til "death." I want to be obedient to the Lord.
So, if anyone has any suggestions on where to begin here, I would be grateful!
Hope I haven't overdone my welcome already! Thanks!
Dona
It's really nice to be here!
I stopped using opiates on 8/6/06, did intensive outpatient, some groups, lots of research and reading, therapy, etc.....and while I'm "in recovery," it is occurring to me that I don't think I'm "recovering." I hear others talk about their old habits, patterns of thinking, etc....and how they are able to integrate all of this into the person they are today. I hear how they learned to forgive (HUGE one for me), worked this step and that step, and I don't feel any of that.....or I'm not able to do that yet.....I don't feel I have worked the "steps" and I'm not sure if that is what I actually need or not! I am very sensitive, cry easy (internalize everything), and am not able to forgive myself for a lot of things. I have low self esteem and I am a Christian that is hungry for the Word, other Christians, and anything else related to God! Forgiveness is huge for me in terms of recovery but mostly for my Christianity.
I am here with a very clear goal: to learn to forgive; to let go of the past, to be more kind and patient, etc....probably everything that is in the 12 steps! Do I need to work the steps, do some meetings, etc....??? Whatever you think or know from experience is welcome. Not to sound selfish, but I also will help others with anything that I have to offer! I love helping/supporting others but feel as though I really need the help this time and may not be the most helpful.
Also, just to add a tidbit here; my husband (22 years) has problems with drinking and we both have infidelity issues; have been separated for 4 months. Because of my Christianity I refuse to divorce at this time and feel I must go home "for better or worse" til "death." I want to be obedient to the Lord.
So, if anyone has any suggestions on where to begin here, I would be grateful!
Hope I haven't overdone my welcome already! Thanks!
Dona
Last edited by dzander; 03-08-2009 at 07:11 PM. Reason: forgot to put something in
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Hi Dona,
I am an alcoholic who has been sober for sixteen months. I worked the steps with a Sponsor I really did not trust in the first few months. Months later I had things eating me up inside and wound doing another 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th with someone in the fellowship who was just there to help me on the specific things that were killing me inside. The emotional release and connection to God was very powerful. I later got a new Sponsor who I really trust and went through everything in the steps again as part of a learning process to Sponsor others more effectively. I dug deep to make sure I didn't have any stones unturned.
I still have pain from the past but I can live with myself today. I never would have made it without the steps. The thing I really missed on the first time of working the steps is that I did not include things that had hurt me that I did thought was all my fault (4th step). Talking through it has really helped.
I am an alcoholic who has been sober for sixteen months. I worked the steps with a Sponsor I really did not trust in the first few months. Months later I had things eating me up inside and wound doing another 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th with someone in the fellowship who was just there to help me on the specific things that were killing me inside. The emotional release and connection to God was very powerful. I later got a new Sponsor who I really trust and went through everything in the steps again as part of a learning process to Sponsor others more effectively. I dug deep to make sure I didn't have any stones unturned.
I still have pain from the past but I can live with myself today. I never would have made it without the steps. The thing I really missed on the first time of working the steps is that I did not include things that had hurt me that I did thought was all my fault (4th step). Talking through it has really helped.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
hi dzander, glad your here and thanks for the post.
My experience:
When i stopped drinking..i couldn't stay stopped..month here month there..etc.
I couldn't manage my life or me without booze and always returned to drinking.
I was riddled with guilt .shame..anger..sorrow..denial..and was totally dishonest...Quite a head full for someone that was sober...ish
I wasn't drinking but boy did i ACT like i was drinking..i would say to myself.."im sober right what the deal"........only to return to it.
I saw people changing in AA and becoming..HAPPY.
Eventually after white knuckling it for a while i decided to copy what the happy people did...the ones that actually had a life
I got a sponsor and he took me through the big book and worked through the steps with me.
Quiet quickly i began to become more contented and settled....i started to learn alot about myself and how i could live my life.
You see....i cant get sober and do nothing.
Over a few years life has completely changed and has a new meaning.
Ive completely changed.....i don't recognize the old me any more.
I try to live my life according to the principles and steps of that book..
I'm NOT a saint and some days are a trial........but i do my best.
I also have a close relationship with god......without him i am lost.
Do you need a sponsor and work the steps??.....what you got to loose.
I believe theres another level to just being sober.....and it in that book.
Hope that helps.......trucker
My experience:
When i stopped drinking..i couldn't stay stopped..month here month there..etc.
I couldn't manage my life or me without booze and always returned to drinking.
I was riddled with guilt .shame..anger..sorrow..denial..and was totally dishonest...Quite a head full for someone that was sober...ish
I wasn't drinking but boy did i ACT like i was drinking..i would say to myself.."im sober right what the deal"........only to return to it.
I saw people changing in AA and becoming..HAPPY.
Eventually after white knuckling it for a while i decided to copy what the happy people did...the ones that actually had a life
I got a sponsor and he took me through the big book and worked through the steps with me.
Quiet quickly i began to become more contented and settled....i started to learn alot about myself and how i could live my life.
You see....i cant get sober and do nothing.
Over a few years life has completely changed and has a new meaning.
Ive completely changed.....i don't recognize the old me any more.
I try to live my life according to the principles and steps of that book..
I'm NOT a saint and some days are a trial........but i do my best.
I also have a close relationship with god......without him i am lost.
Do you need a sponsor and work the steps??.....what you got to loose.
I believe theres another level to just being sober.....and it in that book.
Hope that helps.......trucker
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome....glad you are here with us...
I'm an AA recovered alcoholic. DOS 4-25-89.
I use the God of love and forgivness I found
in my childhood Sunday School rooms.
I consider my recovery became solid when I
started the AA 12 Steps.
Steps 4 & 5 gave me freedom from my past.
God forgave me...then I forgave myself.
I hope you too can find the joy and serenity
that lives with me each day....
Blessings
I'm an AA recovered alcoholic. DOS 4-25-89.
I use the God of love and forgivness I found
in my childhood Sunday School rooms.
I consider my recovery became solid when I
started the AA 12 Steps.
Steps 4 & 5 gave me freedom from my past.
God forgave me...then I forgave myself.
I hope you too can find the joy and serenity
that lives with me each day....
Blessings
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi and Welcome,
I also had a very hard time to begin to forgive myself. It was very hard for me to do. Have you tried journalling? Writing out my negative thoughts really seemed to help me.
I also had a very hard time to begin to forgive myself. It was very hard for me to do. Have you tried journalling? Writing out my negative thoughts really seemed to help me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Just outside Madison, WI
Posts: 30
Thanks to all who have responded to my post! I love the feedback and what I am taking from it is that the 12 step seems to be helpful......I do journal but it must not be working well enough....my next question is: Do I just go into the Step 1 forum? And just dive in, right?
And I assume the Christianity forum will be helpful as well.....
Thank you to all who posted; I really appreciate it!
Dona
And I assume the Christianity forum will be helpful as well.....
Thank you to all who posted; I really appreciate it!
Dona
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Hi Dona,
For me I found that working the steps face to face was extremely helpful, especially the fifth through seventh step. We have all heard that written communication is only a small portion of communication and I believe it is true. I had things come out that never would never would have been communicated with just words. My Sponsor knew what I was trying to say way beyond my words. He also could tell what I wasn't or couldn't say and helped me express it from my body language. I was able to dump everything inside me and the net effect upon my well being was profound. I discovered the good stuff about myself that I had forgotten about. Doing the seventh step prayer in person is very powerful. That's the wonderful part about working the steps. You can let out that good person inside yourself that is inside every alcoholic.
Somebody once asked me what I saw in the patients when I visit the detox hospital. I told him I saw a bunch of good people trying to get out.
For me I found that working the steps face to face was extremely helpful, especially the fifth through seventh step. We have all heard that written communication is only a small portion of communication and I believe it is true. I had things come out that never would never would have been communicated with just words. My Sponsor knew what I was trying to say way beyond my words. He also could tell what I wasn't or couldn't say and helped me express it from my body language. I was able to dump everything inside me and the net effect upon my well being was profound. I discovered the good stuff about myself that I had forgotten about. Doing the seventh step prayer in person is very powerful. That's the wonderful part about working the steps. You can let out that good person inside yourself that is inside every alcoholic.
Somebody once asked me what I saw in the patients when I visit the detox hospital. I told him I saw a bunch of good people trying to get out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Just outside Madison, WI
Posts: 30
Recovering?
working the steps face to face was extremely helpful
especially the fifth through seventh step
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Hi Dona...I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 164 days clean. I too have a hard time forgiving myself for what I put my family through during active addiction. My husband of 10 years has really stood by me, but I don't feel like I deserve it. My counsler in rehab told me that she thought the hardest part of my recovery would be learning to let go of the guilt and shame of what I'd done. I'm having a hard time with this. Sometimes, I feel like I don't deserve to be happy and my family would be better off if I'd just leave.
You're in my prayers :praying
You're in my prayers :praying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Just outside Madison, WI
Posts: 30
Thanks for your support Penny......I forgot to mention that I am also a cocaine addict with 16 years clean......
Interesting that you have a hard time feeling happy as well; I often wonder if I sabotage any happiness in order to punish myself. I find that I don't really have a lot of friends in that once they do something that I perceive to be rude, mean, odd, or anything that is far different than my "realm" I move on.....I just don't tolerate much and maybe my standards are too high? In any case, I have to look at this pattern to see what it is about.
I am so thankful that I have God in my life and what's hard is that forgiving piece that He says we must have!
I really appreciate you sharing with me.....
btw, how old are your kids?
Interesting that you have a hard time feeling happy as well; I often wonder if I sabotage any happiness in order to punish myself. I find that I don't really have a lot of friends in that once they do something that I perceive to be rude, mean, odd, or anything that is far different than my "realm" I move on.....I just don't tolerate much and maybe my standards are too high? In any case, I have to look at this pattern to see what it is about.
I am so thankful that I have God in my life and what's hard is that forgiving piece that He says we must have!
I really appreciate you sharing with me.....
btw, how old are your kids?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Just outside Madison, WI
Posts: 30
Makes sense!
Originally Posted by Dime 
Having a Sponsor made all the difference in the world for me! "When I am part of the picture I can't see the picture".
And how true about the picture!
Thanks Dime! I think I called you trucker earlier.....sorry
Last edited by dzander; 03-09-2009 at 06:30 PM. Reason: needed to add
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