I Need To Tell You where I am, and ask for help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
I Need To Tell You where I am, and ask for help
The title of this thread says it all.
I have been a member on this site since December 2006.
I am such a mix, but believe me, I don't think I'm unique or different.
I have drinking addiction issues. Yes, I have come to believe that I'm a drunk. I'm not in denial, I just can't seem to spell alchol addiction. See, I got it it wrong.
I also know that I have mental health issues. There was a time that I was on
so much medication, I couldn't function. Sigh, I guess I'm duel diagnosis. Maybe.
I want you to know that the best time of my life has been in recovery. When people say they can't know if there is another recovery possible, I understand what that means.
I am so scared right now. I know it is not right to pull people into my life.
I can't stand to be isolated. I did try and call all the numbers I could find to help me. For one reason or another, nobody has been available.
I don't blame them, but I have to get through this, one more time. I will breathe and post. I know I can get to a meeting tommorrow. I am scared.
I need help just through the night. I really want all this to stop. I just went through another horrible withdrawal. Then today I drank again. I now have insurance. Sometimes I think of just driving myself to the Police station and doing something to just lock me up. I just want to punish myself.
I have been a member on this site since December 2006.
I am such a mix, but believe me, I don't think I'm unique or different.
I have drinking addiction issues. Yes, I have come to believe that I'm a drunk. I'm not in denial, I just can't seem to spell alchol addiction. See, I got it it wrong.
I also know that I have mental health issues. There was a time that I was on
so much medication, I couldn't function. Sigh, I guess I'm duel diagnosis. Maybe.
I want you to know that the best time of my life has been in recovery. When people say they can't know if there is another recovery possible, I understand what that means.
I am so scared right now. I know it is not right to pull people into my life.
I can't stand to be isolated. I did try and call all the numbers I could find to help me. For one reason or another, nobody has been available.
I don't blame them, but I have to get through this, one more time. I will breathe and post. I know I can get to a meeting tommorrow. I am scared.
I need help just through the night. I really want all this to stop. I just went through another horrible withdrawal. Then today I drank again. I now have insurance. Sometimes I think of just driving myself to the Police station and doing something to just lock me up. I just want to punish myself.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Keep posting. You are not alone. I don't know if you ever go into the chat room here, but there is a meeting going on right now. Afterward a bunch stick around and talk too. Maybe that could be an option for you. Don't give up! Recovery is possible. 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Oh Mtnmagic,
I am so glad you posted and I can so relate to how you feel. When I was trying to stop drinking, any self-esteem I had, had disappeared. I had an awful time convincing myself that I deserved a good life.
Having mental issues along with addiction can make things more confusing at times. I had to get my despression properly treated before I could stop drinking. Before I got on the right medication, I really didn't care if I stayed sober.
Please know that you can get through this and live a peaceful life.
I am so glad you posted and I can so relate to how you feel. When I was trying to stop drinking, any self-esteem I had, had disappeared. I had an awful time convincing myself that I deserved a good life.
Having mental issues along with addiction can make things more confusing at times. I had to get my despression properly treated before I could stop drinking. Before I got on the right medication, I really didn't care if I stayed sober.
Please know that you can get through this and live a peaceful life.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by mtnmagic 
The title of this thread says it all.
I have been a member on this site since December 2006.
I am such a mix, but believe me, I don't think I'm unique or different.
I have drinking addiction issues. Yes, I have come to believe that I'm a drunk. I'm not in denial, I just can't seem to spell alchol addiction. See, I got it it wrong.
I also know that I have mental health issues. There was a time that I was on
so much medication, I couldn't function. Sigh, I guess I'm duel diagnosis. Maybe.
I want you to know that the best time of my life has been in recovery. When people say they can't know if there is another recovery possible, I understand what that means.
I am so scared right now. I know it is not right to pull people into my life.
I can't stand to be isolated. I did try and call all the numbers I could find to help me. For one reason or another, nobody has been available.
I don't blame them, but I have to get through this, one more time. I will breathe and post. I know I can get to a meeting tommorrow. I am scared.
I need help just through the night. I really want all this to stop. I just went through another horrible withdrawal. Then today I drank again. I now have insurance. Sometimes I think of just driving myself to the Police station and doing something to just lock me up. I just want to punish myself.
I have been a member on this site since December 2006.
I am such a mix, but believe me, I don't think I'm unique or different.
I have drinking addiction issues. Yes, I have come to believe that I'm a drunk. I'm not in denial, I just can't seem to spell alchol addiction. See, I got it it wrong.
I also know that I have mental health issues. There was a time that I was on
so much medication, I couldn't function. Sigh, I guess I'm duel diagnosis. Maybe.
I want you to know that the best time of my life has been in recovery. When people say they can't know if there is another recovery possible, I understand what that means.
I am so scared right now. I know it is not right to pull people into my life.
I can't stand to be isolated. I did try and call all the numbers I could find to help me. For one reason or another, nobody has been available.
I don't blame them, but I have to get through this, one more time. I will breathe and post. I know I can get to a meeting tommorrow. I am scared.
I need help just through the night. I really want all this to stop. I just went through another horrible withdrawal. Then today I drank again. I now have insurance. Sometimes I think of just driving myself to the Police station and doing something to just lock me up. I just want to punish myself.
My doc was meth but the fear and depth is so similiar.
Have you thought about driving to the hospital instead of the
police station and asking for help?
If you tell them what you said hear, they have to help you.
Keep posting, I am so glad to see you back here.
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Middle TN
Posts: 94
Hey Mtn,
I understand how you feel, my anxiety goes through the roof at night. I'm only on day 6 myself.
I don't think getting yourself locked up is going to make you feel better though.
Hang in there tonite, read write posts here on SR, and get to that meeting tomorrow. There are lots of people here including me that care about you and how you are doing. I'll likely be on here awhile too
I understand how you feel, my anxiety goes through the roof at night. I'm only on day 6 myself.
I don't think getting yourself locked up is going to make you feel better though.
Hang in there tonite, read write posts here on SR, and get to that meeting tomorrow. There are lots of people here including me that care about you and how you are doing. I'll likely be on here awhile too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Anna - You have been support to me in ways you have no idea.
I don't want to post long and hard under the influence. I hid the phone from myself because I know that I won't remember where I hid it, two hours from now.
The overwhelming feeling is despair and loss of hope, again one more time.
This is not true.
I would be fine to enter treatment through the Salvation Army through anyplace. My problem is I have a broken down home that I own. A mobile home. I support my young son in college. I am so proud of him. I care for his dog and two birds. I would gladly walk away from everything right now just to get the help that I know I need.
What do I do? Do I call the Humane Society to take the animals? Do I dieappear? I can't hurt my youngest son. I can tell him what I plan to do.
I know he would understand.
My insurance is Cigna. I don't care what I lose right now. I want help. I really do. I just need help finding it.
I don't want to post long and hard under the influence. I hid the phone from myself because I know that I won't remember where I hid it, two hours from now.
The overwhelming feeling is despair and loss of hope, again one more time.
This is not true.
I would be fine to enter treatment through the Salvation Army through anyplace. My problem is I have a broken down home that I own. A mobile home. I support my young son in college. I am so proud of him. I care for his dog and two birds. I would gladly walk away from everything right now just to get the help that I know I need.
What do I do? Do I call the Humane Society to take the animals? Do I dieappear? I can't hurt my youngest son. I can tell him what I plan to do.
I know he would understand.
My insurance is Cigna. I don't care what I lose right now. I want help. I really do. I just need help finding it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Originally Posted by Lynxster
Hey Mtn,
I understand how you feel, my anxiety goes through the roof at night. I'm only on day 6 myself.
I don't think getting yourself locked up is going to make you feel better though.
Hang in there tonite, read write posts here on SR, and get to that meeting tomorrow. There are lots of people here including me that care about you and how you are doing. I'll likely be on here awhile too
I understand how you feel, my anxiety goes through the roof at night. I'm only on day 6 myself.
I don't think getting yourself locked up is going to make you feel better though.
Hang in there tonite, read write posts here on SR, and get to that meeting tomorrow. There are lots of people here including me that care about you and how you are doing. I'll likely be on here awhile too
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
Hey mm - I'm in another country - can't answer yr questions on what to do with pets and insurance and stuff, but I wanted you to know I'm in your corner
I think you need to do something - whether it's tackling the depression first or the drinking is up to you and your doctors - but like Anna said, you can get through this and live a peaceful life.
hugs
D
I think you need to do something - whether it's tackling the depression first or the drinking is up to you and your doctors - but like Anna said, you can get through this and live a peaceful life.
hugs
D
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Take a deep breath and know that there is hope. I struggled for so many years and I remember all too well the way you are feeling right now.
First things first, if you have any more alcohol, pour it out. You know that although it may be a very temporary relaxant, as soon as it starts to leave your system, all of these feelings only intensify.
Find your phone. The reason I'm saying this is so if you need to call someone for help, you have it. Stay on here all night posting if you need to.
As far as the dog and birds, is your son too far away that he can't come and take care of them? I'm not sure of the situation so I was just asking. You mentioned earlier having some phone numbers, are these people you know or local AA numbers? I'm sure in the morning that you will be able to think of someone who can temporarily take care of the animals. You mentioned going to a Meeting tomorrow, have you been to Meetings in your area in the past? Maybe someone there could help you out.
You'd be surprised just how much people in the Program are willing to do for someone who wants help. I know there was a time when I couldn't get to detox, I had called 911 and since I had called them so many times, they said it wasn't an emergency. I finally called a local AA Meeting House and a complete stranger and his wife came, in all things, a semi cab and drove me to the hospital. His wife sat with me until I was admitted. I will never, ever forget the kindness of these strangers.
I know I can get very winded so I'll end this for now, but please know that nothing is impossible. You can get help. If things get too bad, call 911. You can speak to someone at the hospital about the pets tomorrow.
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk,
I will keep you in my Prayers, sending one now,
Judy
First things first, if you have any more alcohol, pour it out. You know that although it may be a very temporary relaxant, as soon as it starts to leave your system, all of these feelings only intensify.
Find your phone. The reason I'm saying this is so if you need to call someone for help, you have it. Stay on here all night posting if you need to.
As far as the dog and birds, is your son too far away that he can't come and take care of them? I'm not sure of the situation so I was just asking. You mentioned earlier having some phone numbers, are these people you know or local AA numbers? I'm sure in the morning that you will be able to think of someone who can temporarily take care of the animals. You mentioned going to a Meeting tomorrow, have you been to Meetings in your area in the past? Maybe someone there could help you out.
You'd be surprised just how much people in the Program are willing to do for someone who wants help. I know there was a time when I couldn't get to detox, I had called 911 and since I had called them so many times, they said it wasn't an emergency. I finally called a local AA Meeting House and a complete stranger and his wife came, in all things, a semi cab and drove me to the hospital. His wife sat with me until I was admitted. I will never, ever forget the kindness of these strangers.
I know I can get very winded so I'll end this for now, but please know that nothing is impossible. You can get help. If things get too bad, call 911. You can speak to someone at the hospital about the pets tomorrow.
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk,
I will keep you in my Prayers, sending one now,
Judy
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
MM....Double
I just noticed your thread and hope today is better for you.
Get to that meeting and say you need help.
AA members will know what is available in your area.
Prayers coming your way
I just noticed your thread and hope today is better for you.
Get to that meeting and say you need help.
AA members will know what is available in your area.
Prayers coming your way
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Carol has a good idea. Might find someone willing to help with the animals at a meeting. You can stop drinking but you need help at first. Supervised detox would be good. I"d go to the local hospital and get some help in getting thru the first few days of not drinking. I had to do that a few weeks ago and it really helped me get thru the withdrawals.
I'd call anyone and everyone who gave you their numbers. CAll until you find some help. You CAN do this.
:ghug3
I'd call anyone and everyone who gave you their numbers. CAll until you find some help. You CAN do this.
:ghug3
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