JerryBear2009

That in his years of experience that I am definitely not an alcoholic but that I am definitely self medicatng and should only drink on Friday and Saturday and leave the rest to chilling out and working out. Has anyone else heard this advice and how did you respond....?

thanks
JB

Sara9009

It's strange because everyone pretty much has a different definition of alcoholism and I think in the end only you really need to decide.

If you think you have a problem maybe look at Moderation Management if you can moderate you are most likely not an alcoholic.

Me, I can't moderate... I don't want or two, I want the whole bottle but have also been told I am not an alcoholic. I figure for me best to just leave drinking alone before it gets worse.

Mattcake

My therapist said the same thing to me, that I was self-medicating depression and other issues with alcohol. She never *encouraged* me to drink, though. In fact, back when I was drinking and relapsing, she told me on several occasions that she'd be unable to continue seeing me if I didn't quit. It wasn't a threat or a scare tactic; she told me that sobriety was one of the conditions for therapy, not a goal.

The reasons for drinking aren't initially important; if you think you have a problem, you may want to consider sobriety. I'm glad I followed my therapist's advice, as being sober helped me work through my stuff.

Good luck

Mattcake

I should add that, since then, I have slipped back into depression, but my urge to drink is gone. Therapy did play a big part during my initial recovery, though.

DeepBlue

Hi JB - this is an easy one isn't it? If you CAN just drink on Friday and Saturday, and in moderation, then your therapist gives good advice. If you CAN'T do this, then your therapist gives bad advice. I know that I CAN'T do this and have fired my therapist.

Best of luck whatever the outcome

DB

mamabin

I was definitely self medicating. When they give me a new drug to try, I don't know how I'm going to react. But alcohol was always there to make me feel better for a little while, even if I felt worse after. When I'm really depressed I only care about feeling better right then and there, because depression for me is horribly painful.

TryingSoHard

Does your therapist specialize in addiction?

deezaldog

Since you asked, I would say "Get a new therapist". Any therapist who recommends drinking is on the wrong path.
A therapist or anyone else cannot and should not tell another person they are an alcoholic.
Only you can say you are or are not an alcoholic.

least

Only you can say if you're alcoholic, but if alcohol is causing you problems and you'd be better off without it, then you have to decide if you're going to stop drinking or moderate your drinking.

I can't moderate, and it's better if I don't drink any at all, ever. I made it out of the hole alive, and don't know if I have any more recovery left in me. Don't want to find out either.

All the best to you, whatever you choose to do.

flutter

The U.S. Department of Agriculture and Department of and Health and Human Services define moderate drinking as no more than:


one drink a day for women and people over 60
two drinks a day for men (no more than one an hour).

*I can't do that, even if I was given the green flag for 7 nights a week!*

If you can, you likely don't have a problem with alcohol.. I dunno. Good luck!

Anna

I began drinking in my mid-forties, to self-medicate depression/anxiety/insomnia. It worked very briefly, but unfortunately for me, I was an addict waiting to happen and it took very little time before I was hooked and controlled by the alcohol. It's that invisible line that you cross, and there's no going back.

kwigers

It sounds a little bit like a "harm reduction" model that your therapist might of been trying to convey to you.
Harm reduction is either hated or loved. When you think that you could reduce the harm a heroin addict may inflict later on by offering them clean needles, the harm reduction model is not too scary and can make a lot of sense. Or providing condoms to sexual addicts-Perhaps you save countless innocent lives down the road of saving someone from getting HIV ...right?!
I always think there is a problems for any of us to follow a persons advice, just simply because they are "professionals, or have a certificate, or degree" hanging on the wall. Sometimes experience is a greater teacher than any classroom! In the end we are responsible no matter what for what we do or do not do. We are the ones who will live with it. There is nothing wrong with learning that our own experience is different from another person's . There are many roads in to California, you may take one highway, while I take another, and we both can end up in California! But if you are on a road that is taking you to Oregon and you want to end up in California....you may think about getting a new map, or taking a different road!
Cheryl

mle-sober

Pardon my French but - Give me a freakin' break.

I've gone back and read all of your posts and this line stands out:
"I felt perfectly normal and ready to manage a few beers. Well, I didn't believe that lie and have promised myself 21 or 30 days free."

Your therapist is confused for whatever reason. He or she is being really irresponsible in my mind. For a therapist to tell someone (who is currently struggling with their alcohol use and trying to be sober) that they are DEFINITELY not an alcoholic is ridiculous. Maybe you are, maybe you are not. That is your call.

Many, many of us start out self-medicating. I'm not sure I've ever met an alcoholic who didn't start out that way. I was self-medicating up until the very bitter and ugly end. Self-medicating does not rule out alcohol abuse or alcoholism. Even if, in the very best scenario, you are self-medicating. You are still abusing alcohol and should be encouraged (in my non-therapist mind) to dispense with alcohol altogether while you deal with the issues you are struggling with.

If you find yourself deeply seduced by your therapists assessment, I don't blame you. I would be too.

lunarise

Bear~
I think that deep down you know whats best for you. If you think you need to stop all together then make sure you have your therapists support and if not then also make sure you have your therapists support. Whatever you do be bluntly honest with yourself and Im sure you will come out great on the other side. Best wishes, take care of you
Peace
Jaclyn

JerryBear2009

Just some additional info. My guy does treat alcohol disorders. I think he is approaching me from the perspective that I was abusing alcohol and need to work on that but I am also very hard on myself in all things. He looks at addictions from the perspective that an addict in doing their habit is attempting to exert some control over something. For me, I work extremely hard and long hours, my wife is on the east coast babysitting our property, and he thinks its my way of fighting back against the stresses beyond what I can control. He is very supportive of me and asked that I not be too hard on myself.

sailorjohn

Problem is, per the opinion of someone that knows a little more about the whole alcoholism/mental illness angle:

"It is also extremely difficult to even diagnose whether or not a person has a mental illness in addition to alcoholism, if that person is still drinking. The alcohol-induced crazy behavior must be at least somewhat abated by sobriety, in order correctly assess the patient".(Many people have been incorrectly diagnosed as "mentally ill"-when in fact they have alcohol-induced behaviors that mimic mental illness.)

Toby Rice Drews

This nice lady points out that many have gone the therapy route in an attempt to get at the root of their problems, without addressing the alcoholism, but still drank themselves to death. Not saying you're mentally ill, but I think your therapist is putting the buggy in front of the horse. I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not, only you can decide.

mle-sober

Do you mean to imply that those of us who are alcoholics do not work extremely hard and long hours? That we don't have stress in our lives? Your difficult and stressful life and the manner in which you work so hard doesn't, in any way, preclude you being an alcoholic.

I know many Type A personalities, very successful financially, workaholic, meticulous-to-a-flaw people who are also alcoholics. Two of them are very highly trained and compassionate hospice and cancer nurses. One is in high-end financing. Another is in some sort of banking that I don't even understand. One is an engineer and owns his own business.

I don't pretend to know whether you're an alcoholic or not. All I know if you came here seeking help and describing drinking that was clearly out of the recommended amount range. And it was causing you problems - guilt and remorse and vows not to drink again which you didn't keep. You made a decision to not drink for 21-30 days (why 21?). And then you came back with the statement from your therapist that from his (very esteemed and educated) point of view, you are DEFINITELY not an alcoholic. That you are just being too hard on yourself and you need to only drink on the weekend and ease up on your stress.

And I guess it sounds to me like you kind of don't trust that statement either or else why would you bring it here?

The undeniable truth is that if you are an alcoholic, it will become very clear to you at some point. And if you are not, you will find that as your stress eases and you learn other ways of relaxing, your desire to drink will not demand attention. I sincerely hope that you find you are not an alcoholic. And I commend your looking deeply at yourself in order to know.

JerryBear2009

MLE - I certainly did not mean to imply anything of that nature and my apologies if it came across that way. I have truly appreciated the care and support from this online community. I realize being a Type A does not preclude anyone from developing a problem with alcohol. I have been seeing my guy for 2 years so he does know me very well. My self talk is really self abusive. I coach a tennis team and as I listen to myself on the court and what I say to my partner when he makes a mistake is brutally different. My therapists advice was to put rules around the alcohol and if you cannot stick to them, then we will look at it from a different perspective. I had a great weekend and it was not centered around booze. I will continue to read and to learn more, I am not discounting anything that you have shared or said. I am excited to attack the week with a clear head, no hangovers, etc.

mle-sober

I know you didn't mean to imply anything, really. I was just playing devil's advocate a little. To push you a bit, I admit. I'm glad you're here and I trust that whatever direction you go is the right one for you at this time. I have no stake in you deciding you are or are not an alcoholic.

coffeenut

Regardless of what anyone tells us, we know if we have a problem with alcohol. And you already know if you have a problem.

Welcome to SR, Jerry. Keep reading and posting.